The Mommy Guilt Blog

I've moved

2010-06-01T22:02:00.002+03:00

And you can find me here.

Too many pills today

2010-05-23T19:59:00.004+03:00

Used to be a time I'd pop an advil for any ache and pain. It hurts? Here, have a pill.

I'm still somewhat good with the aftercare, although lazy at times.

I do admit that preventative care is not really my forte. Hence, the bottles of prenatals still sitting in our medicine basket. I think one of them is from when I was pregnant with Eden.

After getting what I thought might be swine flu in the November while nursing a 2 month old and traveling, and realizing that I just hated swallowing monster pills, I decided that I would find some good gelcap multi-vitamins, as well as vitamin Cs, and take them. Regularly.

Well except for last week when I was too busy changing diapers, taking temperatures, cooking for holidays, and switching Disney movies. Somehow working did not really come into play much. Also taking vitamins.

Which is of course how I got to a stomach ache this morning. Here are the pills I ended up taking - all before deciding my breakfast tasted like cardboard:

2 antibiotics for a lovely dose of tonsillitis
2 ibuprofen for said tonsillitis's accompanying headache
2 multi-vitamins in sweet tasting gelcaps
2 vitamin Cs, also in clearish white gelcaps that look like something illegal
1 probiotic, because i don't want to get sick from the antibiotics
1 weird feeling analgesic throat lozenge, just to get my mouth working right

Add all that in, a drive in traffic, then a descent to the 4th floor underground in the parking garage, and I got to work just wanting to go back home.

I'm planning on losing about 5 lbs on this round of infection. In Israel, we don't really have "April showers bring May flowers" - rather more of an indecisive weather god with a streak of kindness. Why else would we be having this weird "I'm cold! I'm hot! I'm really cold! Wow it's hot!" that gets us sick enough just in time to fit into our pre-pregnancy summer clothes?

Eden went to bed early with a sniffly nose too. Have to say, she's a bit young for our weather god's target audience.

Feeling Old

2010-05-02T21:16:00.003+03:00

On Friday, Ben and I were sitting in the park with Yemima and our new landlord, signing a contract. (Well, really my parent's new landlord. Theoretically. Techincally - ours.)

The grass was pretty, and yummy, according to Yemima, and some old men played shesh besh next to us.

Some small talk ensued, along the lines of, "Adorable baby! She must be a handful." "Thanks! She's wonderful." "And are you her mother or her grandmother?"

??!! WHAT ??!!

"Her mother." *Smile*

How young do the grandmothers come in your family? Or rather, where do the grandmothers you know get their skin cream?

Suddenly I felt tired and really wanted an afternoon nap.

Sunday Morning Over Coffee

2010-04-25T07:21:00.005+03:00

Last night, after a long (but relaxing, enjoyable, and admittedly, not that tiring) Shabbat, and cooking tonight's dinner for us and another family with a new baby, I noticed that the dishwasher had finished.

Me to Ben: If I were a really good person, I'd unload the dishwasher and reload it with all the rest of the dirty dishes from cooking.

Am I a really good person?

Ben to Me: No, babe, you aren't a really good person.

So there you have it, folks. How wonderful to be able to rely on my mediocrity.

On other topics, Eden's makeup advice can be inspired. She somehow dug up a pot of green glittery shadow at the back of my makeup drawer (what was she doing in my makeup drawer?!) and begged me to wear it. This is the 2nd week in a row, so I decided to agree, even though I thought it was a bit garish. Turns out that just a little bit of it looks terrific. She was so so happy to have a pretty Mommy. Note to self: Art classes for her next year.

Blogging Forward

2010-04-20T20:12:00.004+03:00

So I realized that I don't really know where this blog is going. I don't have any sort of direction for it, and feel limited by lots of different things.

Some being:

I don't want to blog about my kids. Meaning, I don't really want to quote all the cute things they say, what they are up to (aside from the basics - Yemima crawls all over the house now.), and how I feel about it. Some day, Eden and Yemima will be better at internet searches than I will be, and will find all these things. As will all their friends, potential boyfriends, possibly employers - who knows?
I don't want to complain. Vent - yes, but complain and constantly complain - no. That cannot be healthy, and I don't want to do it.
I also don't want to continuously tell everyone how wonderful my life is. I have a severely jealous streak in me, and I know that I wouldn't want to read that about someone else. So I'll save the stories about what a wonderful family and life I have and how lucky we feel, and how much we feel that God has blessed our lives in countless ways for a more private place. (Ok I just had to get some of that out...)
I refuse to write about work, other than a few words here and there. It's a major part of my life, and I enjoy it, and that's all I'm going to say about it. I think that any more is unprofessional.
I also refuse to talk a lot about family. I have too many family members as readers to risk that. If I did, I might end up with no traffic at all.
I also refuse to talk about religion. While I have some interesting thoughts (I think), the above goes the same. If I did, I might end up with no traffic at all.
Sometimes I have big and great ideas (or more often, Ben has big and great ideas, and I say - Ben! You should blog about that! and he says - No, you should blog about that!). But I also don't want this blog to be about our great ideas. I mean, even if I do think that we are great and wonderful parents and have some great and wonderful parenting schemes, ideas about religion, balancing work and family, etc, I don't need to go on and on about it.

So basically, according to this blog, I don't have a terrible life, but neither do I have a wonderful one. I have family and and children and work, and sometimes think about things, but don't speak about any of them here. I'm super completely and totally average (those are my favorite adjectives. aren't they wonderful?). Wow, how depressing.

I just bought and read Sleep is for the Weak: The best of the mommybloggers. I have not laughed so hard in a really really really long time. (Thanks, Aunt Joan for the gift certificate!) But also, I never have the time to read all these things online and so I realized something new - I'm totally un-unique. Usually this would be a good thing - I realize that I am not alone in my perception of children. There are people out there who provide less nutritious food for their children than I do. And people who have the same post-baby aches and pains that no one tells you about beforehand and no one mentions afterwards that I do too! So, while it's comforting, I also realize that I have nothing new to say.

And.... Erev Pesach in My House

2010-03-29T14:45:00.002+03:00

I suppose I didn't want to leave the blog with such a cynical feeling going into the holiday.

Just a few hours before the holiday begins, Ben and and Yemima are napping, Eden is "resting" in her room - singing hagaddah and Dudu Pesach songs quietly, and I am watching the Pesach rolls bake.

Not making seder definitely takes a load off. Tomorrow's salmon is marinating quietly in the fridge, ready to be baked tomorrow morning, and salad can be done tomorrow morning also.

Looking forward to a week of vacation - for both me and Ben! - ahead. Yummy food, new beginnings.

Wishing all my (less than 10?) readers an enjoyable, restful, and insightful holiday of spring and freedom.

Pesach in my house

2010-03-24T16:36:00.005+02:00

Many Orthodox Jews are extra stringent about getting rid of all chametz over pesach. Has something to do with karet as punishment - being cut off from the community. Always very scary, out there on your own.

This usually involves a great deal of heartache and raw skin on your hands, use of great gobs of cleaning solution and scrub brushes.

Me, you know I like a good efficiency. And I don't like heartache or raw skin.

Here's how we do it in the Gold household, circa 2010:

Rule #1: Have a baby that year, which enables you to say things like, "I just can't do that. I'm just not up for doing X,Y,Z - I didn't sleep well last night."

Rule #2: Catch a bad cold the week before Pesach. Usually helps with #1.

Rule #3: Have one spouse take on a major project at work, clocking 50-60 hours a week, for the two weeks before Pesach. Always helps with rules #1 and #2. Better that it's the spouse who usually does the oven and fridge, enabling #4.

Rule #4: Have the cleaning lady do the oven and fridge. Best NIS 150 ever spent.

Rule #5: Don't clean where there's no food. Like Yemima's room. She doesn't crawl that well and can't reach the cookies on her own. Nuff said. Quick peek - oh no chametz? Great. Check.

Rule #6: Spring cleaning waits until retirement, when it can last the entire spring. Oh well.

Rule #7: Close off the freezer. Who needs a freezer over Pesach? I'm not cooking ahead, can get plenty of fresh meats, and since I'll be home all week, leftovers won't last very long. So, no need to scrub at the frozen chametz in the freezer.

Rule #8: Who needs lots of things over Pesach? It's only a week!!! We make do with lots of fresh fruits and vegies, lots of matza meal and eggs, cheese and yummy matzah cookies.

Rule #9: Eat kitniot. Higher taxes for living in the Jewish state have to be worth something. It's not my problem that my great-grandparents were born in Europe. I chose differently.

Rule #10: We really mean it when we declare any chametz still in our possession worthless and null, as the dust of the earth.

Off to look for ways to make the seder fun for my five year old. She doesn't know the mah nishtana yet, and clearly, I'm not pushing her (If I'm not pushing myself, how can I push her?). Let's see if she can complete a Pesach bingo card!

PS. Ben just read this with me and says that I'm a great lister. Hah! He doesn't know the least of it.

Sorry - make that enumerator. See what I get for marrying an editor? And Ashkenazi to boot! Well, at least one of those we can do something about...

31 reasons you shouldn't feel mom guilt

2010-03-11T23:24:00.000+02:00

Sarah sent me this link.

My favorite:

18 Tossing their artwork. After you've saved the truly superior thumb pots and the especially sentimental glitter collages, you will still have a heap of crafts the size of Mount Etna. Fill up a big black Hefty bag after they're asleep, pour yourself some wine, and then watch Hoarders. You'll feel better instantly.

Travel Meme

2010-03-09T21:54:00.008+02:00

I love getting tagged.

Thanks, Dr. Savta.

I'm not one so big on "bests" and "worsts" - I mean it's all relative, right? So i modified this a bit (also why I didn't use my friend's new meme site. But you should).

I'm not tagging anyone. But feel free to take it!

Rules: Fill in the following questions & tag 5 friends (try friends who travel a lot).

A really great trip…
Our senior trip to - I think hiking in N Carolina? Gosh I don't remember. I'm also not sure how many people who were there actually read this blog.... Anyone remember the nudists in Asheville? Not sure if I'm remembering that right either...
Also our stint up in the Italian Dolomites.
A really awful trip…
When Ben and I thought to go out for dinner on Yom Hashoah, just because it was the one night we could both get away. Right...nothings open.
Important things lost on a trip…
I left my coat in the airport in Rome. However, Ben got his wallet stolen on the subway.
Important things I forgot to take on a trip…
I also can't think of anything! Maybe something like my glasses.
Thing I miss most when I’m away…
My bed, kitchen, bathroom.
Thing I miss least when I’m away…
The mess.
Favorite travel partner…
Ben
Place I hope to travel to someday…
You know, I have no real interest in any particular place. Give me quiet, serenity, privacy. Perhaps a swing in back. Cool air. Yummy food (that I don't need to prepare). Maybe some snow and a fireplace. Interesting town. Books.

Executive Decisions

2010-03-06T21:47:00.002+02:00

I'm going to wake up tomorrow and regret this.

I cut Yemima's bangs tonight.

This is how I feel.

"I'll spare you the suspense: I did a terrible job."

It was one of those really really rash decisions, made in the time after shabbat when Ben hasn't gotten home from shul yet, Eden's complaining of a tummy ache (hint, too many shabbat snacks, not enough vegies), Yemima's tired enough to go to bed and there isn't enough hot water yet to run a bath for her and stave off the inevitable.

I just got sick of brushing it out of her eyes again. So I plunked her down in the high chair, got Eden to hold her hands and SNIP. Done. Then straight to bed. I guess I'll find out tomorrow morning what it really looks like.

My other executive decision: To put Yemima to bed without a bath. Her hair has gotten long enough that it doesn't get knotted up from a day of sleeping on it. I daresay it's longer than mine!

Some other news, just to keep y'all in the loop:

Eden received a bike from her Grandma Lila and Grandpa Irv for her fifth birthday. 2 wheels, training wheels, helmet and all. Boy oh boy is she excited. Now watch me be a great mommy and schedule time to take her out with it.

Yemima's eating all manner of solids. Vegies, fruits, etc. Seems to prefer to to formula actually, which means that we'll be following up with some proteins soon - beans, chicken, etc. We might wait on the eggs and dairy, just to be safe.

I'm going to bet that Yemima will be crawling by Pesach. This morning when I went to get her when she woke up, she was on her hands and knees all ready to go. And on the floor in the living room - that girl moves. Little Toys of Eden's: Watch Out. Also, she did not pull herself up, but was able to keep herself up standing against the bath tub tonight. (Please don't tell me it's bad for her hips and knees to let her do that. If you are going to tell me that, you may as well keep your comments to yourself, it'll only annoy me and I'll lump you together with tipat chalav nurses.)

We are celebrating the retainment of our sanity after 6 months of this by going out to dinner tomorrow night. (Also some nice things about Ben's job. Ptu Ptu Ptu.) Whew. I'm excited and nervous - are we actually going to leave our 6 month old with a teenager? What if she cries? I mean the baby, not the teenager. I sincerely hope Yemima doesn't drive her nuts. Actually, I sincerely home she doesn't see her and Yemima sleeps perfectly well. I'm looking forward to spending lots of money on good food. That's not to say anything about Ben's birthday (coming up) and our 7th anniversary (coming up a little later).

Hmmm nice things to think about.

Never a dull moment

2010-02-08T20:43:00.006+02:00

I took Yemima to tipat chalav today for a checkup and a couple of shots. Big news - Yemima is tall! She's btwn the 60th and 75th centile for height, and smack center 50th for weight. Hooray! No wonder she's growing out of the clothes Eden wore at her age.

Otherwise also, she's doing great. She's ahead in some ways, trying to sit up. The nurse told me that we should start giving her tastes of our own food - salted, spiced, everything. Just to stay away from milk, honey, and instant soup mix. (!!!). It's interesting, how is it that they are so far away from what you generally hear/read about giving babies solids. She's not even 6 months old, and they want me to give her tastes of chicken? And what about staying away from peanut butter (not even for allergy reasons, but isn't it a choking hazard this young?), wheat, egg whites, etc? It's as if they've never heard of allergies.

I'm confused as to whether it's because they just disagree with the rest of the world, or are just completely out of touch with the generally accepted medical opinions. My inclination is to the latter. Especially after seeing the nurse's face when she saw Yemima try to sit up, lifting her head and shoulders and almost all her back. It was as if she'd never seen a baby do that before. Call that experienced much?

We're still working on sleeping through the night. Seeing as she still downs 1-2 full bottles every night, crying it out isn't going to work for us. Nuff said. We do have our evenings though, which is a lot and I am very grateful for them.

Eden's hebrew birthday crept up on us. It's this Sunday! And I totally forgot to call her teacher and plan a gan party for her, and now her two best friends had theirs together and she's been very sad about it ever since. So now we are racing to put something together for her - or even two somethings, one for gan friends and one for neighborhood friends/our friends. And then in another month or more we're going to celebrate the English date. Very confusing. I mean it is a milestone birthday (five!!! my baby is five years old!!!), but does that mean that it has to last a full month? It seems that it does.

One big thing I do want to do for her is get the cake of her dreams. Ever since our trip to Disney back in November, she's had a bit of thing for princesses, and she wants ALL of them on her cake. This one I'm going to order - no Dunkin Heinz for us this year. It'll be BIG, PINK, and CHOCOLATE. Some of her favorite things. Her friends will be very jealous. This is a good thing, seeing as she is currently painfully jealous of her friend's party at the local gymboree/child-size nuthouse, where the kids have too much fun to hear eachother.

It's never a dull moment at our house. It doesn't seem as if we've had one week where one of us isn't sick, one of us isn't totally stressed from work, Eden doesn't have a party or an event, or SOMETHING. Blogging falls by the wayside, as I knew it would, but I miss it, I do. Really I miss having something interesting to say. Well, maybe that's missing having done something interesting with my day. Isn't my day interesting? Isn't it? Isn't it? Why am I desperate for it to be interesting? I should be happy when it's lame and calm and I have nothing to write about.

Confession of the day: I sent Yemima to gan today without her bottle by mistake. Bad, bad, bad parent.

Don't think I can diet and exercise when not sleeping at night

2010-01-29T08:53:00.002+02:00

It seems to me that weight loss and an infant in the house must be mutually exclusive.

I've decided to put the following measures in place in an effort to lose the pregnancy pounds:

No sugar in coffee any more (and no fake sugar either...nasty stuff!)

No snacking on fatty things. Fruit OK.

Balanced meals with lots of vegies

Also, in an unprecedented decision of desperation, I've decided to exercise. When though? Evenings I am just too tired, and there are house things to get done and a husband to read with. Afternoons is my kid time. Mornings and day time I work. So really the best time is to get up at 5 on the dot every day and go for a 20 minute walk. I could do that.

But I find myself sabotaged. I'm just too tired. We are trying to get Yemima to eat more during the day, but she can still finish 1-2 bottles at night. Also lately we've all been sick and she wakes up. A lot. Part of having a baby, I know. But I find that when we don't sleep well, we get sick. And that is not the time to be getting up extra early and go walking in the cold. And the less I sleep, the more sugar I need, just to get me through the day.

I've never been a good dieter, nor an exerciser at all - good or not. I don't think I'd even care that much. But I've found that my last couple months of pregnancy really did a job on me, and my knees and ankles have taken a big hit. I'm achey and creaky, and I'm not serving myself or my family best this way, and I know that the best solution really is to just lose the pounds and keep them off.

Ho hum.

I stayed home this morning while Ben went shopping so that I could clean and we could have a more relaxing Friday afternoon. So I'd better hop to it.

Why I Don't Use Our Public Library

2010-01-05T20:42:00.004+02:00

I used to. When I was on maternity leave, I paid for a maximum membership at our public library - 2 books per person in the family. I was reading about 1 book every 3 days, and 8 books took me on average about the full month that I had the books.

My last set of books was due on Sunday, and I didn't get around to returning them before I went back to working full time. One of the main reasons is the idiotic opening hours. I went yesterday and then again today - and it still wasn't open at the time that I went!

Why is it that I have to check the opening times every time I go somewhere? Why can't things be open, like from 8-7 or something normal like that? Or at least be open for the same time every day?

I had intended on going on Sunday after work with the girls. Sunday was running late and I forgot all about it. But I had checked the times, and knew that it opened again at 4 PM.

So Monday, 4 PM, and I'm at the library with all 8 books. No go, on Monday's it's not open until 5. I DID look at the times when I was there, but somehow I forgot what they were.

Eden went to a friend's today, and I took Yemima to the library at 5. And messed up again. Tuesdays, they aren't open in the afternoon at all! But see it was misleading because there was an event at the library that people were going to. So I followed them. And the door downstairs, with the elevator was locked. So I trudged up ALL the stairs (you Modiiners know how many there are) with the Snap'n'Go. And Yemima bundled up in her coat which she doesn't like so much getting cranky. And nobody asked if I needed help! I think that is the FIRST time I've been with her on steps and no one asked if they could help. Usually I say I'm ok, it's kind of silly to have someone help you on 2 or 3 steps. But this time I really did need it! And the regular Israeli brotherhood failed me.

In the end, someone unlocked the door for me (special!!) and put my books on the desk to be returned tomorrow. Hope they do. I'm going to be lazy about calling about it to follow up.

So this is a bit of a rant - you could say it's my fault, because I didn't check the times. But see for yourselves.

Sunday: 4-7

Mon, Wed, Thurs: 9-2, 5-8

Tues: 8-12

Fri: 8-12

Who can remember that?

What demographic are they aiming for? Ladies Who Lunch and can be there for the mornings? Because it's certainly not for working parents, who are working in the mornings and would like to be home with their kids during dinner time. Certainly not THIS working mom who would like a couple of quiet minutes at the library before picking up her kids. And certainly not school age kids, who are in school in the morning, and who should ALSO (IM not so humble O) be home with their family at dinner time. I mean, school gets out here at 1:20 so that they don't have to provide lunches. What better place to go then to the library? Ooops, but it's closed. I think I'll hang out in the street for a few hours, go smash some bottles in the park. Later on, I'll go when it's opened and if I'm not too wasted already.

I'm not done yet. I made a slight suggestion to the librarian who kindly took my books that there should be a drop box outside so that people could return books when the library was closed. She said that they couldn't because it would get burnt. That's right, burnt. Apparently, the kids who I guess are not hanging out at the library because it's closed are burning things around the library instead, including drop boxes for the library's books. (Ok, I'll admit that possibly the kids who are burning things are not the same kids who'd be spending their afternoons reading through the reference section.) But it seems to me that there are some ways around this. First, by arresting arsonists. I mean, that's legit, isn't it? Also, put the dropbox slightly inside, similar to ATM machines at banks. Or just cut a hole in a window and put the box totally inside the building. Or something! But we can't have a drop box because the kids will burn it???

Also, it seems to me that this is not a library problem, but a city problem, and a police problem. I think that the library shouldn't be cowed by some stupid hooligans. We should protect our city, and protect our rights to read!

This would be an issue for the famous Modiin Listserv, but as I'm not about to start lobbying at city hall about it, I don't think there is much point in posting there. But this is good fodder for blogging. I'm sure you all are happy to have a break from reading about breastfeeding. Because, you know, soon we'll be starting on poop.

It's not like I'm not familiar with the Israeli library system and all it's faults and it's few good points. I am - I studied Library Science for 3 years. (I could swear the librarians here were in my classes....if only I had let them copy my notes!) I know these things. I know they have no funding and have to seriously pick and choose. Once upon a time, I wanted to make it better. Give people the gift of information. Seems to me it might be a lost cause, it's each man for himself around here. I'll stick with the books I can buy and borrow from good friends and family. Whose opening hours are a little more friendly.

Last post...

2009-12-29T15:37:00.003+02:00

This may be my last post for a while. I'm looking through the window of next week, and I see a lot of laundry, dishes, picking up, driving, burping, cooking, working, happying, and sadding (spending happy and sad time with family). Some eating. Not a lot of time sleeping. Hopefully some time measuring formula. Probably not so much blogging.

I've found that, contrary to what the lactation consultant I spoke with a few weeks ago, I don't have a milk supply problem. If anything, I have an overabundance that is causing a fore milk/hind milk imbalance. However, after working for a week and a half - at only part time! - I do indeed have an energy supply problem. I find myself falling apart at about 9 PM. Never mind that it's just too early - it means I don't have the energy to deal with late and middle of the night feeding and caring for Yemima. Which I also need to do. Something has got to give. Most likely it's going to be nursing, or at least pumping.

Which means that Yemima needs to drink formula. She was doing pretty well with the milk, until she broke out in a rash covering almost her entire body. Once the rash went away, we tried it again, only to be met with an entire evening of poop. I'm not kidding. I had dreams of poop on the walls (at least I think they were dreams!). She was up all night, and we decided after that, that the milk was not such a good idea.

We have to see about the soy. Rather, this may take time, but she WILL take it. She MUST because I am not doing this pumping thing for much longer. But she doesn't like it, and grimaced every time I tried to give it to her. Ben did have some luck, but she'll have to do better before I can stop pumping.

It is nice being back at work. I do feel that it's time to move up and on. Get back into real life. Find a routine that works for the long term. Yemima's doing well at daycare, and I feel quite comfortable with her caretakers there. It's also nice to see all my friends and friends' kids at pickup ;) - park dates in the spring time anyone?

hmmm...

This being my last post for a little bit, I could write a lot more. Like how we're wavering about Eden's gan next year. (Are we really ready for Israeli Modern Orthodoxy in all it's institutionalism? Not so sure....)

But the house is waiting to be cleaned up. Time is ticking away. And I only have 8.5 hours until morning.

Journey Ends Here

2009-12-28T20:34:00.004+02:00

The breastfeeding journey that is.

It hit me today. My knees ached. My elbows ached. My feet ached. It felt like I was pregnant again, except that I was holding my baby on my lap instead of inside me. I'm just plain tired.

The past few days have gone by in a rush. Nights run into mornings, run into days, run into evenings, run into nights.

Last Thursday, Yemima broke out in a big rash all over her body. I took her to the doctor, who gave her an antihistamine and suggested we start looking for things that she was allergic to. First off, we stopped giving her formula, thinking that the milk was a good first choice. After a few days the rash cleared up and we tried it again. No new rash, we thought we were home free. Then last night happened. Poop after poop after poop. Serious amounts of spit up in her crib, in her clothes, in her hair. All night long. Nursing non-stop. Morning came, and we decided no more milk formula - clearly it is not good for her.

I started writing this post last Friday....clearly I was not in a state to finish it.

Read on to the next post.

Working Part Time is Tiring

2009-12-21T15:30:00.003+02:00

I was late to work today. 2 days on the job, and man, just not cutting it.

(I am kidding here. I'm lucky to have a very flexible and understanding office. I've got to worry about something though, don't I? What fun is life otherwise?)

Despite the big meeting Ben and I had last week about "How Life is Going to Work", we are still kind of working out the chinks. Like nightime feedings. See, we didn't expect Yemima to go from 8 PM to 2 AM without eating. She woke at 2, and we suddenly didn't have a plan. Was this the "first feeding" that Ben was supposed to take? What do we do if there is only one feeding? Do we have to discuss the pros and cons right now? And when will she wake up next - will I be able to pump at 5?

In case you missed it, sleeping 6 hours straight is what I consider "sleeping through the night". Even if its from 8-2, instead of, say, 11-5. I wonder if she'll do it again.

We are kind of playing it by ear. I did wake and pump at 5 (12 oz, baby!!), but then she woke at 6 and I fed her then. I spent 40 minutes this morning on milk production. Kind of cow-ish. So I left about a 1/2 late and ran into traffic, and cows don't usually get stuck in traffic...as far as I know. Cows also don't often want to be sitting at their desk by 7 AM. But then, technical writers aren't often blogging at 3:40 PM.

....Where am I going with this? I'm not really sure....

Working part time is kind of funny. It's a weird feeling to leave the office because I want to. Not because I must get home in time. Not because I need to do errands afterwards, and before I pick the kids up. And weird to not have to stay longer because I've got stuff to do. It can wait until tomorrow. I'm flexible. I'm not stressed. Although, yes, I am tired. Funny that.

For all those wondering, we've all had a decent first few days. Yemima did seem a bit shell shocked when I went to pick her up yesterday, but then she had just woken up. And I didn't want to have to put her down all afternoon. I missed my baby.

I still do. I think I'll go get her now instead of sitting here thinking about her.

Everybody wants to get on the bandwagon

2009-12-17T19:23:00.004+02:00

A little while back, I posted about Babble, a new online parenting magazine that I liked. A lot of their authors seem to say things I agree with, and sometimes I feel vindicated in my decisions to not childproof (much..we do plan to pick up small toys once Yemima becomes mobile), not to worry too much about what Eden eats and doesn't eat, and a bunch else.

Recently babble offered a survey questioning what people wanted more of. Expert advice about babies and childrearing? Facts about child development?

Do we really need another babycenter? There are so many websites centered around parenting. I liked this one because it was different. I don't need another place to tell me how my breastmilk needs to be stored, and how long its good for. I don't need another site with a growth chart (often the same growth chart), or telling me that at 3 months and 2 weeks, my baby should have mastered the mini-push up, and should start to laugh soon. I have tipat chalav for all that.

So now, babble has launched the Connected by Kids facebook application. Basically, you enter information about your kids - their ages, genders, likes, activities, and you can either upload photos or link to photos on facebook. Additionally, you can access babble groups here, make Connected by Kids friends (I guess you are connected to your other friends via your and their kids?), and upload photos.

Basically, do just the same things you can do on facebook. Its a facebook within facebook! Ugh, there must be a term for this very common type of social media redundancy. I love forms and surveys and telling information about myself, but even I have had enough.

I want some more original content from babble. Like the most fun kids pajamas. Or whether exersaucers are really worth something. Some kid friendly cheap recipes. Something simple like that.

The very last minutes

2009-12-17T11:28:00.005+02:00

Today is the last real day of my maternity leave. (Friday's don't count since I don't work then anyway). Yemima is home, being on vacation from gan for Chanukah. Eden is with Ben's mom and Sarah and Hila at the zoo in Jerusalem. I did promise that I'd clean up and make a really awesome dinner, but somehow I can't stop eating.

For the past two days Yemima's been in gan (!!!!) and I've been using the time to do all sorts of errands that one has time for on maternity leave, but does not get to for months when working. There still will be some left over, and I'll do them next week (I'm only working part time until the end of the month).

Things I did not do while on leave:

Home renovations, like hanging curtains, framing pictures, or painting.

A lot of cooking for the freezer.

Any sort of craft project.

Travel. I mean small time travel, visiting friends I wouldn't otherwise see. This doesn't include our big trip to the US.

Regular coffee dates with friends, even my co-workers also on maternity leave.

Mommy and Me groups.

Walking or any other exercise.

Things I did do:

Weekly baking.

Lots of regular life maintenance errands, at a calmer pace.

Nursing. I consider this an accomplishment that I worked for, even if "working" includes resting and relaxing, and lazing about on the couch with my baby, which I really do think helps. I don't know what its going to be like when I go back to work, but I'm currently able to pump ~10 oz (300 cc) in a single 15-20 min pumping session. That is nothing to laugh at and I consider it a blessing as well. Hopefully I'll be able to feed Yemima during daycare with just 2 pumps a day, before and after work.

Sitting.

Worrying, ruminating. Too much self-analysis. (In this respect, going back to work is going to be much healthier for me!!)

Making lists that later got thrown away.

Taking pictures.

Getting a quick falafel or omelet sandwich instead of going home for lunch.

Laundry. I cannot imagine how I'm going to keep up with the laundry when I go back. I feel like I do a load almost every day!

Reading. Avg about a book every 3 days or so.

Of course I worry. Yemima hasn't slept well at gan yet (for that matter, she doesn't often sleep well at home, so...), but I'm sure she will. She seems to be comfortable with the teachers, as am I. It's a start, and I'm sure it will get much much better.

The rest of life is about to get very complicated. Ben and I had an executive meeting the other night, lasting for over 2 hours, about How Life is Going to Work. We went through the evening schedule. We went through the morning schedule. What Yemima needs at gan, and which of us is responsible for what parts. What time everyone needs to be up by and what time we need to be asleep by. Strategized about giving a formula dream-feed in the hopes that it will push Yemima's sleep through the night (so far it just gives her mondo-poops in the morning, and she still wakes at 2).

I need a written plan like this to keep my anxiety at bay. I need to know that it will work. We did a couple of dry runs of the morning routine and modified it slightly to make it better. The evening seems to be working all right and I'm starting to believe that Ben and I have our evenings back, even if I don't yet have my nights.

What I worry about when there is nothing left to worry about: What am I going to wear on Sunday morning, my first day back? What makes me look as if I've lost ALL the baby-weight, is comfortable to pump in, warm enough/cool enough? Something that says, this woman has it ALL under control, is cool and collected, and excited to jump in. Maybe then I'll convince myself too.

Baking, Bethami Style

2009-12-10T09:15:00.008+02:00

I've never been a great baker. Cooking, I can do. Throwing together a bunch of vegies in a pot or a wok - manageable. But something that requires science and specific measurements? Not so good at it.

Nevertheless, I've somehow been able to make a few good cakes in my time, despite my dislike of exact ingredients. (Never bread though. Bread from my kitchen could be used as cinder blocks).

I bought some rhubarb yesterday, on sale for 5 shekels. Hooray for rhubarb! And it's time I baked a cake. (I've been baking cookies regularly since I've been on maternity leave, they are great snacks. That's going to end pronto I think.) Trusty Google returned an impossible recipe:

1 1/2 cups brown rice flour
1/2 cup nut flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1 teaspoon your favorite cake spice
1/2 tsp sea salt
1 cup diced rhubarb
2/3 cup mollasses
1 egg
1/3 cup oil
1/3 cup milk
1Tbs apple cider vinegar
1 tsp vanilla
1/4 cup coconut oil
1 cup fruit
1/3 cup nuts

Out of 16 ingredients, I have only 10. Who ever heard of brown rice flour? Almond flour? Do you stock coconut oil in your pantry regularly? Sea salt? We have fake Israeli maple syrup, but I'd really prefer the real thing....same with vanilla. It's just so much better that way.

So I'll try it. Replacing all the flour with plain bleached white. Sea salt will become regular table salt. Maple syrup and vanilla will be the cheap fake Israeli stuff. Apple cider vinegar will be regular vinegar and coconut oil will be canola. I do happen to have strawberries and some crushed pecans, although I'm not sure that's what they mean.

Ironically enough, the google ads at the bottom of the page of course advertise: "1 Tip of a Flat Belly :Cut down 3 lbs of your belly every week by using this 1 weird tip." Ha Ha.

Maybe I'll post a picture of this wonder after it's done.

Suggestions for a little birthday celebration for a mommy of 2 who can't really leave her baby and is starting to feel her maternity leave closing in on her?

Edit: I just noticed that there is no sugar in this??

Another edit: The author of the recipe notified me that posting it here violates intellectual property rights, and I think I also offended her sense of healthy eating. So I've modified the recipe and for the record, am NOT quoting it. I also removed the link. And I agree with Sarah, it sounds terrible anyway. I made this one instead, using shortening and water instead of butter and milk. And I added strawberries. It was divine.

Happy 3 Month Birthday, Yemima!!

2009-12-07T21:19:00.003+02:00

I love you, my cuddly, loveable, little piglet-munchkin.

It's Doesn't Have to be All or Nothing

2009-12-02T08:16:00.003+02:00

I called a lactation consultant yesterday to get tips on how to make it work, commuting, pumping enough for 9-10 hours. The woman was really sweet, but all that I had feared: pretty much all or nothing.

Her points were:

Your milk supply may indeed run low if you are:

1) On hormonal birth control

2) Not sleeping with your baby

3) Looking for a schedule

4) Looking to sleep through the night

5) Working full time, possibly stressed.

Well, well, well. Not so optimistic, hey?

My alternatives are taking a larger chance on getting pregnant again, continuing to take unpaid leave, and continuing to make do with a third person in our bedroom waking me in the middle of the night. Makes for a woman who is tired, pregnant and sick again, who cannot get any alone time with her husband. Ah yes, and they are also having a hard time making ends meet. As my sister said, objectively these are actually choices. Kind of grim I think, though. When can I get back to being normal?

See I kind of thought it was a good thing for Yemima to eat more, less often. This woman seemed to think not. Because the more full a baby is, the deeper they sleep, and for longer (isn't that a good thing?), and that puts them at a risk for SIDS, especially if they aren't even sleeping in the same room as you are!

Eden started sleeping through the night somewhere around 5 months I think, in her own room, and somehow I never really seriously worried about her breathing. Yes, she slept on her back, without blankets, and we had an audio monitor to hear her cry. But an actual SIDS risk? We didn't worry, and thank God she's still here.

The suggestions that she had for me to ensure that I would keep my supply up were to take fenugreek pills (check), and to pump at work whenever I got the chance, and not necessarily on a schedule, since work might indeed get in the way. I can hear that.

I got better advice from this online group that I joined, which suggested that her caregiver offer no more than 4 oz per feeding. Because a bottle takes so much quicker to finish, she doesn't realize that she is full, and just keeps eating, and will then take less from me later on, which will lower my milk supply and I won't be able to pump. Ah, now a strategy! (Although if she is going to eat so much at night that I won't get to sleep...well at some point sleep may become a priority.)

One nice thing about this lactation consultant though: I was totally expecting to make an appointment with her to discuss my questions and get her advice, and pay her for her time. Instead, she spent around 20 minutes on the phone with me for free! How nice! Perfectly long enough for me to decide her advice wasn't really along my lines anyway.

Yemima turns 3 months old on Monday. She plays, bats at mobiles, holds little toys and puts them in her mouth, puts her fingers in her mouth and takes her own ponytail out of her hair. She also talks up a storm and loves, loves, loves, loves it when people talk to her.

And in a week and a half, we start with her daycare, just a couple hours a day at first. And in 2.5 weeks, I go into the office.

!!!!

One big, sincere thanks.

2009-11-26T13:40:00.004+02:00

Jews don't have a Thanksgiving. It's not a religious holiday, and fruma fruma yidden don't do it. Here in Israel, us ex-pats are jokey about it, pretending that we are still true-blue Americans, sometimes compromising on a "Shabbos Thanksgiving", since no one can make it out after work. Deep down, I know that American has become my heritage, and not exactly my identification.

Still, us Golds, we do make it out after work, and celebrate properly with family (it's a lucky thing the next day is Friday, and we can sleep late.) Somehow, it seems important.

Jews who pray daily offer up their own thanks all the time. Even Jews who don't pray daily (like me) are often generally thankful. We look around us every now and then and see so much wonder in our lives. And yet, as any daily davenner knows, it's difficult to continue saying Thank You every day (or 3x a day!) and have it continue to have real meaning and significance. The Jewish traditions and calendar assume that we can take responsibility for our own thanks, and while there are holidays that thank God for specific miracles (Pesach, Chanukah, Purim, Shavuot), and holidays that remind us of awe, humility, etc, there is no day for general thanks. (Comment if I missed one!)

So I'm glad we still do this.

This year, as every year, I'm thankful for family. For our new daughter, Yemima, and our wonderful big girl, Eden. For my wonderful husband, Ben. For my grandparents, and the fact that they are able to enjoy my kids. For my in-laws who are always there for us, right around the corner. For my parents, who are also right around the corner, in a different kind of a way. For friends that have become family, and for family who have more recently become friends.

Also, I'm thankful that Greenpoint Israel is still kicking, and that they seem to keep finding a way to reinvent Ben's job successfully. And that I'm on maternity leave and don't have to think about my own job security this month.

I look around me and decide that I don't believe in evil eyes, and tempt-able devils. We're happy and we're healthy; there can be no greater blessing, and for that I am thankful. I don't need to say it every day, once in a while is good enough, and today's a good day to do it.

Happy Hag HaHodaya, everyone.

P.S. I'm also thankful for Yemima sleeping right now. Wonder if she will tonight when I drive with her and Eden on my own from Modiin to Mevaseret in rush hour traffic? I will NOT pull over on Rt 1, no matter how loud she screams.

Swinging Back - Routine Needed

2009-11-23T07:59:00.007+02:00

My own inability to make decisions never ceases to amaze me. It's very annoying of me.

Yesterday morning I was ready to pump in the car while driving in order to keep us from having to buy formula. I don't know why. I just don't want to. It's not even that I'm particularly enjoying nursing Yemima, I just don't want to have to buy formula. It stinks of defeat.

But last night, it hit me. What Yemima needs is good solid feeds, her own, dark room at night, and a bedtime routine. And all these point to formula.

I wanted to do some dry runs for Yemima being away from me, eating from a bottle, being cared for by someone else. I also wanted to get an idea of how much she eats in a sitting, so I know how much I need to pump for her. So I left her with Ben's mom for the morning, with a bag full of pumped milk - about 150 cc (~5 oz). Internet sources say that babies her age usually eat between 3-4 oz, so I figured there'd be some left over. But she gulped it all down! In one sitting, not even stopping to burp! She never has that good a feed when I'm nursing her.

So then I didn't know if that was enough for her, or if she wanted more. I didn't know if that's how much she usually takes, or if it was a huge meal for her. I had no clue as to when she would next be hungry, or how long she would sleep for. In short, the whole day was off. And although she was pretty happy for most of the rest of the day, she didn't sleep or eat well until late at night! Ahhhh!

So I decided this: Yemima just eats better out of a bottle. The bottle doesn't move or try to update it's facebook status while feeding her. Neither does it talk on the phone or put braid a squirming four year old's hair. So I don't blame Yemima. And it seems to me that she could really consolidate her meals if they were all out of bottles. Maybe even so much that she'd sleep at night! In which case, she could have her own room. Consolidated feedings would also allow us to give her a better schedule, and a normal bedtime routine. (Although I don't know about when. She often drifts off to sleep at around 7, which means her bedtime routine would need to start at about 6:30, including bath. We are usually still eating supper at that point....I can see things will need to change.)

If I could exclusively pump and give it to her in bottles, that might be an option. But I think I would need to be pumping all day.

Which brings me to my second thought. The more I think about pumping during work hours, the more I hate it. It's just another thing to stress me out. I seem to have a somewhat stressful job and commute already. We know some super people who are able to raise multiple kids, hold a full time job, and get a degree all at the same time - in different cities! I'm not that super person. Really really not. We need our down time in the evenings, we need our calm family time. We need our sleep. And I think about how I got sick last week in the US - I tend to overexert myself. Plan too much for myself. Commit myself to too much. And it's not very good for my health.

So it kills me, but I think I'm going to slowly give her formula during the day (!!!!) once I go back to work full time. And then I was thinking of just nursing her at night. And probably what I'll do is something in the middle, nursing once or twice a day, possibly pumping once if I can. Not so bad...

Still, I can't believe that this is the conclusion I've come to. I guess in an ideal world I wouldn't work, and I could nurse her for longer? Ahem, not so ideal. Take a longer maternity leave? Um, also not. Some parts of life just suck, I guess. Most of the rest of it is pretty good, so I'll take what I can get. Formula does have many perks, it just runs against my instinct I guess.

It sounds backwards but I think I'm looking forward to going back to work so we just settle in to this decision already.

Building Up the Freezer Stash

2009-11-21T20:15:00.007+02:00

Now that we are back from the US, settled in (sorta), feeling better (more or less, some of us more, some of us less), and are starting to get back into routine, I've got to start getting ready to go back to work.

Still a ways off, but mostly I'm starting to think about what Yemima will eat when I'm gone. See, I'm on unpaved territory here.

I don't have a frame of reference really, since it pretty much didn't work at all with Eden. Or rather, it technically did work, but she screamed. And I went nuts. Ok, so I guess that's not really called working. So I don't know where to start.

When I was pregnant, I didn't want to invest that much in nursing supplies because I didn't know how it was going to work. Now that its working pretty well, I did get a bunch of clothes to nurse in and some freezer storage bags. But I still don't know how it's going to work when I'm back at work. Will I have the stamina to keep it going? Probably, the more I invest in conveniences like a hands-free pumping system, a cigarette adapter plug for the pump, more accessories, more storage containers, the more likely I'll keep it going longer. But until I know that I'm willing to go all the way, it seems like a bit of a waste to invest all that in it.

I've been doing a lot of reading. And have found some interesting things. (Funny, reading no longer really means reading books. Although I'm sure that there are no shortage of books on the topic, I've read none. But I've really just been surfing the internet while nursing. And signed up for a Yahoo group.)

As always, my limits are not where I thought they would be. When Eden was little, there was no question: We were NEVER. EVER. EVER. BRINGING HER INTO OUR BED. Also, she was out of our room by 6 weeks, and never back in it except when we were away. And we never broke that. Even if it meant Eden sleeping on a quilt on the floor next to us when we were away, never our bed. Yemima has been in and out of my bed countless times - when she nursed non-stop in the middle of the night (Eden never did that), when the timer for the heater was set wrong on Shabbat and she was cold, when we were in the US and the crib provided by the hotel was not exactly convenient. And I'd do it again, with no qualms. I don't want to make a habit of it, I am not a proponent of a family bed, and much as I like a baby doll to cuddle with, I'd just as soon have my own space (it's not her I want to be cuddling with). And I think I sleep better when she's not there. But I read this one article about making sure to get enough sleep when you go back to work, and the difficulties involved in this (I can only imagine!!) especially while trying to give your baby breast milk only. And one solution to this is keeping your baby close at night. I had thought that we'd be getting ready to move Yemima into her own room right about now, and here I am thinking we'll rent a small crib to keep in our room for another few months until she really sleeps through the night so that I can sleep better. What a switch!

- Interesting factoid: Wheras formula fed babies need more and more formula as they grow older, breastfed babies ages 1 month to 6 months eat on avg about the same amount the whole way through. Cause: the breast milk just gets better. So if I need to pump about 15o cc per feed now for her, chances are I'll probably still need to pump about the same in a few months. Nice to know that I don't have to worry about trying to get double!

I used to be pretty relaxed about nursing Yemima - if it worked, great, if it didn't, oh well. Benefits to both sides. So far, it's been pretty easy, but I don't know what I'll do when it get's tough. (When the going gets tough, the tough get pumping? I like that bumper sticker) But here's something: It's quite likely that I had some sort of flu when we were in the US, probably swine. And I nursed Yemima straight through. Now thank God, it doesn't seem like any other of my loved ones caught it from me - Ben was sick before we left, and Eden has a bad cold, but no fevers all around. Yet if I wasn't nursing Yemima, and she, being only 2 months old has an immune system that is still pretty weak - I don't want to think about the possibilities of her having caught the flu from me. A fever that high in a little baby, in a foreign country (any country where you don't have a local doctor, health insurance, and don't understand how to get health care is foreign in my mommy-book) - I really don't want to think about it. My breastfeeding her may have prevented a real disaster.

Not to say that breastfed babies don't get sick. Point in case - she's got her first cold and is snoring right next to me. But I'm pretty sure its documented somewhere that it does help. And as a working mom, with a limited amount of sick days, it's something to think about. I think that the freezer stash of breast milk just got slightly more important to me.

New record talent: Blogging in bed, Yemima on my left side. My right hand is holding her right hand to soothe her to sleep, my left is somehow under my right, typing this blog. Wow.

You know you are back home when...

2009-11-17T19:20:00.007+02:00

The Israeli stewardess says to your 4 year old daughter, as she's riding off the plane on her Trunki, "Ok now, take your mommy's hand and start walking already." Mommy was already holding a little squirming baby, diaper bag and blanket, and was looking through gate-checked strollers, and everybody else seemed to be charmed by the Trunki. But of course, we may be holding up the line a little bit, so it's time to get terse with the pre-schooler.

And the wheels on the baggage cart don't roll straight.

Ah its good to be home. How jealous I was when we left my parents at JFK, and they only had to get their car and drive for an hour and a half. Whereas we had to check in, fly for another 10 hours, and get a cab home.

Things I like about the US:

- Family: There is not enough I can say about this. The time that I and my family spend with my grandparents and extended family is as precious as can be. Pictures to come (once I get them from other people, since we misplaced our camera about halfway through the trip, and only found it again the night before we left), but Eden and her second cousin Kaity got along just wonderfully. And she loved playing with Great-Grandpa all day, and spending the day at Disney with Bubbe (with Cinderella dress, shoes, tiara, ponytails, jewelry, and best of all - pixie dust!!) I don't think I could have given my Grandma a better 80'th birthday present than time with my girls.

- Cheaper shopping: No doubt about that. Nice generics - something Israel needs to do better on. Teva does all right on medicines, we need to move into everything else. Like Walgreen's brand wipes that come out only one at a time and have a little clicky-cloesy thing so that none get wasted.

- And more availability, like these awesome tasting elderberry chewable vitamins that work great on colds. And taste yummy yummy yummy!!

(Ben's sitting next to me in his new cargos and hoodie sweatshirt, and he looks pretty yummy too. :))

- Eden's face as we rose above the clouds, and her comment: We're in the sky! We're with God! It's a tie between that and her face during the Disney parade.

Reason's I'm happy to be home:

- (Edited to add this): Kafeh Hafuch! Everytime I just wanted a cup of coffee, it was too hot and too watery. Not tasty and filling and warm and cozy at all. From the coffee on the plane to Starbucks, to the hotel, to wherever. Israeli's make coffee better, hands down.

- We had too much stuff to keep track of and lost too many things too many times.

- Kosher food. I will never take for granted the ability to stop and get something kosher to eat in just about any city in this country. Or in between cities. Something relatively healthy and tasty, often a pita, humus, falafel, and Israeli salad. Perfect. Of course it helps that we aren't picky about kashrut certificates, the local rabbinate is perfectly fine for us.

- Just.Space.to.Breathe. This doesn't have to do with Israel per se, just with being home. And I think it trumps all else. Hello couch. Hello kitchen. Hello porch. Hello even creaky mattresses in bed. Hello home.

Breathe, Man, Breathe

2009-11-12T03:10:00.003+02:00

Whew. I'm breathing. May have forgotten once or twice since the weekend. Traveling, visiting, driving, Disney, changing diapers, nursing, carrying, calming, finally we have an early evening. Both kids asleep, some good fat novels to read, and time to reflect.

My first impressions of the US: I don't know why any Orthodox Jew would ever live anywhere but Israel. The energy spent on vacation just figuring out what and where to EAT, I need a vacation just from that on it's own. When I go on vacation, I want to just pack some diapers and wipes and GO, knowing that I can pick up a falafel on the way. Love Israel for that.

And yet, the 6 lane highways do tend to make up for it.

~~~~~~

Spent the day at Disney world. After being disappointed to find out that the characters no longer wander around the park as much as they did when I went over 15 years ago. Instead, you actually need to wait in line just to shake hands with Mickey. And neither he nor Minnie are home. But the day improved as it went on - rides, and a princess dress, and a parade all helped immensely.

Tomorrow we hit the shops. Well, Ben and I - considering that the next time we'll be back may be.... ? As of yet, unknown. Eden gets to spend the day with Saba and Savta, at mini-golf ("what about Mickey golf?" she says) , or a petting zoo.

Pictures going up as much as possible at www.dropshots.com/benvbat

Child models

2009-10-22T22:44:00.002+02:00

Some people I know have entered their children in the Gap Child Casting Call. You can vote for them and the best one wins. (Or the one with the most digital friends..., really I think it's like an online prom queen)

I don't think I would ever do this. It would be pretty cool to have my child the next face of Gap Kids, but do I really want to expose her to this? Really?

I don't think so.

Parents who do this - do you not expect your child to win, or would you really be happy if he/she did?

My friends children are beautiful. But I'm not sure I'd want them to win either. Good luck though.

A New Phase in Motherhood

2009-10-21T23:37:00.002+02:00

Letting my infant cry only because I'm doing something else right now is surprisingly easy.

Realizing this hurts.

Confession: Tonight, I let Yemima cry when:

I pulled Eden's many small ponytails out of her hair and washed it, and then rubbed Eden dry and gave her a big cuddle.
Made Eden a grilled cheese for supper so that she wouldn't scream from tiredness as well as hunger on the way home from dance lessons.
All the way to Eden's dance lessons, and home again. Thank God she slept during the lessons themselves. Though she looked VERY VERY angry the entire time she slept. Probably at me.

All these times, I just went about what I was doing as I normally would. Trying my utmost not to get my nerves frayed. That would just have a) gotten Eden crying, b) probably gotten myself burnt c) could have gotten me into an car accident

I wonder what it does to a 4 year old when she realizes - consciously or not - that Mommy is willing to let Baby scream in frustration for minutes on end for her sake. Does it tell her that torture is OK? Does it teach her that it is OK to profit from someone else's pain?

And what does it do to Baby, to be often put aside for Big Sister? Of course, Big Sister is often put aside for Baby also, but Baby does NOT KNOW that. Big Sister does know, and understands pretty well. Will she remember these and think that she matters less?

Ha. She won't remember. But she MIGHT very well read this blog at some point. Horrors!

What do you do with rotting pomegranates?

2009-10-15T14:22:00.003+02:00

And other questions.

I've had so many blog posts ready in my mind. Usually they sprout at an unbelievably inconvenient time, and then I forget about them. I had a great mommy guilt post going a few weeks ago. It had something to do with Eden. And Yemima. Ah yes, the time I took them to the mall at 6:30 completely unprepared for what was going to happen. To them and me - utter collapse.

Well, thats all water under the bridge. I did it again yesterday with relatively little screaming, on both their parts. Spent WAY too much on supper (NIS 21 for a teeny salad!!), and Eden did go to sleep crying, but it's all relative.

Fact is, I'm most often online when nursing or getting Yemima to sleep. Which I usually do with one free hand. So I can sort of type, as in small-time emails and chatting. Or Google searches, surfing. But typing out a whole blog post is still a bit much for me.

Some thoughts:

Is it a purer form of Mommy Guilt if the mommy in question isn't working? Meaning, its total mommy guilt, guilt coming from mommy tasks ONLY.

And how about guilt felt for enjoying my maternity leave? The long, lazy days of feed, surf, read, eat, do some laundry and sweep, meet a friend for coffee. Event of the week is the doctor. I cook dinner at 3 PM, just to get it done with. Yes, it is me getting up every 2 hrs at night, but it isn't as if my days require great genius. On the other hand, Ben seems to be incredibly stressed at work. Makes me feel guilty for asking him to take the baby when her evening colic sparks up. Or for not getting more done around the house. Or for making HIM do things around the house. When he works at home, I can see the comparison brazenly clear: Ben, typing furiously, on the phone all the time, comes down for coffee looking shocked and tired. Me, lazing on the couch again with a baby sleeping on my lap, reading. It does seem to indicate a lack of significant brain activity.

Does the pain of pregnancy and childbirth REALLY balance that all out?

(You are banned from this blog if you suggest I should put her down when she's sleeping. Yes I KNOW I'm fostering a bad habit. And what will happen when I need to go back to work. Yadda Yadda. She'll scream. Also I figure nothing really matters since we are going to the states in a few weeks and everything she's ever learned will be thrown off then, and she'll have to learn them all over again. I won't publish comments that seem to indicate anything else.)

Which brings me to the pomegranates. I know I could use rotting fruit in a cake or compote, but what do you do with rotting pomegranates? Ben is eating them very slowly, but there are 2 left. I'd be happy for a recipe, no matter how complicated it is. Hey, I've got the time, right? No stress.

My mind is NOT turning to mush

2009-10-10T21:31:00.004+02:00

Or so I tell myself.

I realized today that I've become a somewhat spacey conversationalist. Not to say that I've always been fascinating, but I can do better than this. And yes, you can make all sorts of excuses for me, like that I only sleep for an hour out of every two at night (ok I'm exaggerating a little bit), the real truth is that I blame it on the baby.

For all it's benefits of breastfeeding, such as increased immune system for the baby, weight loss for the mom (really? let me know when that one takes effect), easy to pack and go, cheaper, it's a myth that it does not chain mothers a bit. Not just to their babies, but to the couch.

1) It's easier to nurse on the couch that at the dining room table.

2) If there is anyone at the table who you'd prefer not to flash - at least while they are eating - it's much easier to go to the couch.

3) Yemima knows when she is not my main focus, and she doesn't like it. She eats much better when she knows that she's the center of my attention - and that I'm not involved in something else, like a conversation.

4) I would not want to eat under a hot blanket, I don't blame Yemima for not wanting to either.

So if I'm lucky, and Yemima sleeps during dinner, then I can be an adult and talk about interesting things. If she's awake and just chillin' - also OK, although there is always a part of my brain that is switched off from normal life to listen for her cues. And if she's awake but crying then forget about talking, I can't think straight.

If she's hungry - the couch. And you just can't participate in what's going on at the table very well from the couch. You can try, but it's a tad forced. Sad, sad fact.

And sometimes there's the awake, but not hungry, not crying, but not totally cool either. That's when I'm trying to stick a pacifier in her mouth every so often, talk to her, make eye contact, perhaps change a diaper. And that's also where the spacey conversation comes in. Because I'll be talking or listening and then I'll just fade out. My brain goes to Yemima. Sitting on the couch nursing I can usually at least listen in.

And if someone said something really interesting, I've lost it. It's a little silly to ask them to repeat it, since it happens so often. ("What? Can you repeat that? Sorry? Wait, say that again? What was that you had said 2 minutes ago that I was really interested in hearing but didn't?") And if its a conversation turner - something for getting the rest of it, then I'm gone, and I start saying things like, "Really? Wow. So interesting. Ah. Right. Got it."

I don't think I'm really such an airhead....ok just a bit of one. But if you hear me start to sound like that, you might offer to take the baby.

A calm relaxing morning

2009-09-27T08:06:00.006+02:00

Offsetting a tiring night....or rather morning. Yemima was up between 3 and 4 this morning, gassy, poopy, hungry. In reality I suppose, it could be worse.

Changing the clocks last night gave us a longer leisurely morning. Not much to do today anyway. Am currently listening to my older daughter, still in her PJs, color and use stickers with my mother over her breakfast, while my younger daughter sleeps in her swing. I'm still in my PJs too.

Finally posted all the photos we have of Yemima and Eden to www.dropshots.com/benvbat - and linked it on facebook so that everyone knows about them. I really am kind of sick of posting photos to both places - and do certainly prefer dropshots, at least from the point of view of the person loading them. Mainly because you can load photos and videos at once, with a desktop widget - don't need to be on facebook at all! You can still add comments, just they aren't facebookized....and no tagging. Oh well - we pay for the storage at dropshots anyway, giving us practically unlimited storage, so I may as well.

If you are looking for thoughts on Yom Kippur, my mind draws a blank. All I can say is that I wish everyone a fruitful and successful new year, a fresh new start, and an strong inscription in the book of life, love, and personal fulfillment. Atonement....I just want to move forward and am finding it difficult to focus on the past. The year kind of sped by for me, I'm not really sure what happened. Let's move on to the new year and be better, do well. I'll try again to be the best me I can.

Adjustments

2009-09-22T22:24:00.003+03:00

Haven't written in a while for a few reasons:
1) Its difficult to type efficiently with only one hand.
2) I had a baby two weeks ago. That should really be enough of a reason.
3) I think that most everything I have to say has really been said before. I mean really, should I tell you that I haven't had a good night's sleep since I left the hospital? Complain about how much Yemima cries? Or maybe you'd like to know about the laundry that hasn't gotten put away yet (it's only folded thanks to my mother-in-law...), the garbage to be taken down, and toys to pick up?

We have a baby. Thank God, she's quite normal, lungs and all. She sometimes can be tricked into sucking on a pacifier, seems to be OK sucking on my finger to fall asleep sometimes, eats OK, and has regular poops. She seems to be more and more awake and alert every day, and once in a while we get a nice big smile out of her (I will only slightly agree that it may have something to do with gas.)

Haven't had the chance to upload many pictures yet, although I have some good ones sitting on my camera. They are coming....

In the meantime, we are all adjusting. I'm remembering about why you are supposed to put the new diaper on under the old one, just in case. Also learning that we have to be home much earlier than usual, or risk 2 screaming and tired kids. As well as ready to be screaming and tired Mommy and Daddy. Sometimes I still feel like I'm babysitting when I'm out with both of them. Are they really both mine? Do I have two daughters? Gosh, I'm old.

I also find that it is just as hard to take prenatal vitamins after the baby is born than it is beforehand. I still gag on them and I don't even have morning sickness.

One Word Miracle

2009-09-10T19:16:00.004+03:00

I'm going to take a moment to be sappy. There may be many moments like this coming. Bear with me on it.
My favorite reading material today is our discharge papers. They are in hebrew of course, but I've translated some of it below.

My favorite word today is takin, or directly translated to English as "intact", or "as expected". It just means that all is as it should be. I didn't translate that below, because the word takin really is the whole miracle of the thing. (Takina and takinim are conjugations of the word takin.)

I think its pretty self explanatory.

(Oh and the other miracle is that she slept long enough to let me eat supper. And is still sleeping. Wonder if she will let me take a turn. I know...sleep when she does. Well.)

Note: I am not a doctor, and have no medical training. This is a total layman's translation.

Child:
Date of Birth: 7/9/09
Place of Birth: Hadassah Ein Kerem
Sex: Female
Week of Pregnancy: 41
Weight at Birth: 3330 g
Apgar: 1 min: 9, 5 min: 10

Pregnancy:
Duration of pregnancy: Regular
Type of birth: Regular (I suppose as opposed to C-section. But that was REGULAR???)
Labor Process: Takin

Physical:
Head: Symmetrical, fontanel takin
Eyes: Follows a red light, takin
Neck: Takin
Lungs: Air goes in well, equally in both lungs
Heart: Sound heartbeat with no murmurs
Stomach: Soft, with no enlarged organs. No lumps felt.
Genitalia: Female, takina
Limbs: B.M.P. spread takin
Neurological: Tested takina for age. Infant reflexes takinim.
Skin: Takin, aside from stork marks on the face.

Head circumference: 33.5 cm.

Hospitalization: Takin

The Short Version

2009-09-09T16:19:00.004+03:00

Day 2.

Baby Girl Gold born Sept 7, 10:55 PM, 3.3 kg (7 lbs 2 oz). I'd say that the acupuncture worked, and that Eden's predictions were correct, but the odds were pretty good. She was exactly 1 week late. We hit traffic driving to the hospital, but were very glad that Ofrit knew a shortcut via the JNF forests near Jerusalem....

It was a successful VBAC. Not fun, but successful. I'm not going to go into details, but I didn't really get out of bed on my own until almost 24 hours later. Feeling much better now, getting there slowly.

The hospital staff here at Hadassah Ein Kerem has been fantastic. Nice, pleasant, happy to help, and most importantly, quick with the pain meds post-partum. Sometimes you have to nudge them. Maybe its only that I'm 4 years more Israeli than I was when Eden was born.

She is also great. She eats well (OK, ALL the time, but well at least...), is awake and alert and calm for some good pockets during the day. (Actually, seems to be the same pockets each day, not that we can establish a pattern over 2 days..). Head chock full of black hair. Long fingers, elegant fingernails. Intelligent eyes. Soft ears and cheeks covered in elvin peach fuzz.

I'll post pictures hopefully before the weekend.

Oh and you know who else was born on Sept. 7th? Queen Elizabeth I, in 1533.

So Much for Drugs

2009-09-04T16:44:00.003+03:00

After my monitor at the clinic yesterday came back clear (no contractions), Ofrit (my midwife) suggested I try a black and blue cohosh homeopathic combination to try and induce labor over the weekend. Her reasoning is: if I go back on Sunday to the clinic, which I need to do every 2 days now or get branded with child abuse even before said child is born, and I do have contractions, they will send me straight to the hospital. As opposed to other people we know, the hospital will not send me home, even if its obviously too early, because I'm post-C. Instead, they'll keep me there and try to induce. The combination of an induction, contstant monitoring, innumerable doctors poking their heads in to give their opinions, and midwives who have to answer to said doctors instead of to me, could lead to a more stressful time, less progressive labor, and if the baby's heartrate starts to drop as a result - boom. Straight to the operating room.

So the idea is to naturally induce over Shabbat, so that I don't have to go back to the clinic at all on Sunday, but instead will be either going to the hospital, or if I do go to the clinic on Sunday, and from there to the hospital, it will be with real labor.

Yesterday afternoon we went on a goose chase in Modiin looking for the cohosh mixture that Ofrit had recomended, to find that really we could get it easiest only in Rechovot. So we picked Eden up, and took the new speedy 431 down to Rechovot. Promising Eden pizza on the way home worked. If only she hadn't insisted on reading the mapbook. Seriously, we need to start taking dramamine with us in the car.....Well it could have been worse, but I had wanted to give her a nice, calm, normal evening before going into labor. Which it wasn't.

But its just as well, because I've been taking the cohosh since 5 AM, with nothing substantial. Sure, something different than yesterday, and enough to make me just want to sit, lazy, around the house. But nothing leaving me screaming in pain. Nothing that needs us to send Eden over to Ben's parents. I think she's a bit disapointed that she won't be sleeping there tonight. We are bit disapointed too.

Here's what I think (since you are reading this, I assume you are interested): The baby will come out when she's ready. And I might prefer to just leave it that way, herbal remedies or no. I mean, even if it comes to next Wendesday (which is when the clinic doctor said that she would either induce or schedule a C), I'll take the induction. They don't use pitocin for VBACs here, which already makes for a less agressive induction. And then come what may. I'll try to avoid an epidural, and if the baby's heartrate is fine, I see no reason that they would push for surgery. If the baby's heartrate is NOT ok, then I will be pushing for surgery.

I will take Ofrit's advice though, and continue to take the cohosh tomorrow and see what happens. It does feel kind of weird, taking it every 1/2 hr (I'm taking little pills, not a tincture). Going all the way to Rechovot to get it did feel a bit like buying drugs, which is a weird thing to buy when you are pregnant. (Ok, or any time). Taking them is also a bit annoying - every 1/2 hour!!

Completely different note: I finished the first season of Mad Men (in 2 days....oy.) I really liked it! I suppose I'll have to watch it all over again with Ben, but looking forward to downloading season 2 and 3 when available. What a suprise, a un-comedic drama that I enjoy.

Post-script: After 2 days of taking cohosh and no caffiene, I was ready to quit. Ofrit agreed that it just wasn't working, so on to the next try: Acupuncture. I never thought I had it in me, but we shall see.

Still, Still, Still Waiting!

2009-09-02T21:09:00.002+03:00

Actually, its not as bad as I thought it would be. Sunday, I thought I was having the baby. Monday, I went to the clinic, and they wanted to send me to the hospital, although it was WAAAY to early. They gave me 2 choice - hospital, or an IV to stop the contractions and you go home. Hmmmmm. Stop the contractions?? I promised I'd go home, drink lots of water, and come back, since I didn't really want an IV. (That was my midwife's idea, very glad I called her. She said that if I'd ended up in the hospital so early, I would be well on my way to surgery. I say, she's already done 1/2 her job. Albeit the easier part.)

So that's what I did, and the 2nd monitor was virtually clear, and they let me go home.
Today was when I thought I'd be really bored. I took Eden to gan in the morning. Came home, cleaned up a bit. Was then very tired, so I rested for a few hours. Then I went grocery shopping, which just killed my energy levels for the rest of the day. Seriously, I learned my lesson - I think no driving farther than around the corner, and no going out for more than an hour or so. So I sat and rested again for the rest of the day. Ben took Eden to her dance class, and then I put her to bed when she came home.

I've watched 1/2 a season of Mad Men between last night and today. Wow.

Tomorrow might start to get a bit boring now. There is some clean-up to do, and some laundry. Then I think I'll bake a cake. And maybe a quiche for dinner. And after that...hmm. I suppose I'll think about trying to have this baby again.

Working on English

2009-08-31T11:45:00.002+03:00

Having made a decision to sign Eden up for dance this year over English lessons, I keep wondering how we can bolster her English skills. At the moment, she speaks English fine, although sometimes very simple words slip her mind, like colors. She knows the ABCs, but cannot recognize all the letters, never mind the sounds.
I guess I'd like to imagine that she will pick it up quickly when she does start to learn it in school, and hopefully, she will be able to join the English for English speakers classes. Here in Modiin, parents are so meticulous about getting their kids' English skills up to par though, that I wonder.
A friend of mine with a son about Eden's age says that she does not send him to English classes, although she does work with him on English every day. That's tough I think, spending our time together in the evenings working on something that isn't completely enjoyable. She gets annoyed with it. This friend of mine also is home in the afternoons, and I imagine has a lot more time to spend on it. Somehow I just can't imagine fitting it in between 5 PM pick up time and 8 PM bed time, along with dinner, bath, play, just enjoying eachother's company. Never mind Baby.
Makes me think about exactly how important her English skills are to me. Yes, its of utmost importance that she can carry on an intelligent conversation with English speakers (such as her grandparents, great-grandparents, and myriads of cousins). Yes, it would be nice if she could read and write decently as well - well enough to communicate with the above and also to serve her well in the business world in the future. (That's everyone's excuse for pushing English - its a global economy! She'll make more money if she reads and writes English well. When we all know that WE just communicate better in English and would prefer that she does also!) But at the end of the day, do I need to prepare her for the SAT's? Does she really need to be prepared for ANYTHING - including college in the US? What am I doing moving to Israel if I think she might be going back at some point? Or is that really just her decision, and I should leave all of her options open.
At the end of the day, she needs to be able to express herself in writing. In a language. She also needs to be (like me!) a voracious reader and seeker of information. In a language. And most of all, she needs to be able to do that at a young age - now, and through college. That's when I want to hear what she has to say - when she's 15, I want her to be able to write a term paper that she's proud of. Eventually, a college essay that really expresses who she is. At 10, a paper expressing her opinion of a book she read, or what she did on her summer vacation. Do I care that she does it in English or Hebrew? I'd prefer that she does it in a language I can read of course, but maybe that just means that my Hebrew needs to get better. I'd prefer she does it well.
Where am I going with all this.....at the end of a long day, I'd prefer to hear about her day - in English or in Hebrew - and tell me how she felt about it, than sit for 45 minutes and work on the ABCs. I'd prefer to cuddle over a story that I read to her - in English! - than sit at the table drilling letter sounds. I hope that's enough, and hope that looking back in 20 years, she's happy we preferred that too.

Baby news: Nothing. Am keeping close to home today though. Should probably be walking around to get this moving instead of sitting and blogging...but....I am just so so tired.

** Note: If it turns out that she is not a voracious reader and seeker of information, that is OK too and I will not love her any less is she turns out completely different from me.

Daddy Bear wears pink, and My decision to not wait any longer

2009-08-25T21:03:00.005+03:00

I spent the day today with Eden. We did lots of things. One thing in particular:
You know how no matter how much people try to turn kids gender non-specific? Buying their boys dolls, and their girls trucks, and so forth. And then the boys just end up shooting off their dolls' heads, and the girls end up dressing up the trucks. And no matter what, all little girls want to be princesses, brides, or mommies when they grow up.
Well, today, Eden dressed her Daddy Bear all in pink. Granted he did come with a pink bunny suit, which is soft and cuddly and cute, but has also actually been on him for about 3 full days in the past 4.5 years. Especially since she started to call him Daddy Duby (Daddy Bear). Well today, he was totally decked out in the pink bunny suit, plus her pink plush winter hat.
I asked her if she thought it was a little funny that he was wearing all pink. Does she know any boys who wear pink? Her response, "Well he likes pink. He also likes blue and yellow and green. He likes all the colors."
And we weren't even trying :). Eden's favorite color? Yellow!

Also - decision: I am no longer waiting for this baby. That does NOT mean that we are going to the hospital tonight. Also, it does not mean anything else. All it means is that I am no longer waiting with bated breath. I'm wearing the clothes I packed for the hospital, and they are actually dirty, and will have to be washed again if I want to take them with me. I stopped putting my deodorant back in the bag for fear I'll forget it. I'm not thinking that we are going to the hospital every night. I've resigned myself to the idea that this could last another 2 weeks or more, and I'm just going to enjoy myself. Or, at least as best I can, back aching, belly aching, legs aching, and feet so swollen that my crocs are tight. (Can you believe it?!!?) Getting through my last week at work and doing my best to get some sort of supper on the table (Ben, there's leftover pizza in the fridge. Want to stick it in the oven?)

I'm not really conscious of a real change in myself, but Ben has noticed it. He hasn't exactly called me "lazy", but did say how out of character it is for me to not be able to move much. He points out that I let other people serve themselves when they come to visit (normally my kitchen is off limits), and that when my sister came for Shabbat last, I let her strip the bed. He realizes that it just hurts to move, and has been fantastic about it. I do think that he probably looks forward to the time when the independent go getter that he married comes home again though. I don't blame him, and I think that I do too. It'd be nice to eat something decent and get the laundry put away faster. Let's hope this baby is nice and calm.

At arrivals

2009-08-23T20:55:00.003+03:00

No, not yet.
I feel similar to someone waiting at arrivals at the airport. Let's say its someone you love, someone you haven't seen in a long time, someone that you want to dash out and hug the minute, nay, split second, you see them. And you know that their flight has landed, and they are just getting their bags.
And its Ben Gurion right before the holidays. And the person you are waiting for will be wearing a black hat and suit.
Ok so not likely that I'd run out and hug that person. But let's just say.
And they don't have a cellphone so you can find out where they are. And their bags are the last to come through. And you even got to the airport early, well, just in case. After all, there might have been traffic.
Every person you see coming through those doors, you say - is that them? Is that them? Is it? Now? Now? And you want to sit down and just rest, but you can't, because what if you miss that first look at them??!!!
Remember that huge screen they used to have at B.G., where you could see the people just a minute before they actually came out? And you watched both the screen and the door, even though you'd just seen those people on the screen?

Yeah, so that's me now.

Yesterday, my c-section scar started to hurt. A lot - like real, stinging pain. Like the kind of pain I don't remember feeling since it was closing up. And it hurt more when I touched it, and it certainly felt like it was stretching thin. At the time I didn't think too much of it.

I called my midwife this morning, just in case. And she said that as long as the baby is kicking and the pain feels like its on the skin only, and isn't really coming together with the contractions, its probably OK. But that if it made me feel better, it's definitely a reason to go down to the clinic for a monitor. I called the woman's clinic, who said regardless, it's definitely a reason to come down and get it checked out.

So down I went, a part of me thinking, wow - if they don't like this then I could be in the OR in just a couple hours. Too bad about all that VBAC prep, I'd rather get this baby out safely. And there goes future VBACs. And once again, tried to cancel meetings for tomorrow, send out status emails, think of last minute things to put in my bag, and prepare myself for the possibility that they'd say that just in case, they'd like to send me for another C. Of course you can refuse these things, but I'm not the woman to say, nah, I don't believe you and I'd rather hold out for my natural birth. Risking the life of this one and the possibility of never having any more children (that's basically what happens when a c-section scar rips). And I went down and got a monitor done. And an ultrasound. And then (whew!) met with a doctor to discuss it all. Who told me that all is fine, heartbeat and contractions both look great. And nothing doing just yet.

So I'm still here, watching that screen. What is it about human beings that draws us to paranoia?

Still waiting

2009-08-21T10:53:00.003+03:00

It's been almost a week now since I first thought that we were heading to the hospital. The week has been - interesting. Almost every night, I've gone to bed with the idea that perhaps this was it. And then woke up in the morning to ... nothing.

I finally met with my midwife again yesterday. We kept scheduling meetings and then she had a birth, or another emergency and had to cancel. Well, at least she called, and was nice about it, and was eager to speak to me, find out how I was doing, and reschedule for as soon as possible.

She said that this could go on for another week. Or even longer. Was curious about whether I was going to go into September or not. September!!!!

The good news is I suppose that the longer this goes on, the easier the actual birth might be. Still no promises, but if we do the work over a period of 3 weeks, then there should be a lot less to do on the day of the birth right? Hopefully.....

Many people wonder why I don't take off from work already. The contractions are often strong enough to take my breath away, and I don't walk around so easily. Eden asked this morning why I wasn't coming with her and Daddy on their little tiyul, and I said - I can't walk from one end of the house to the other! I can't go on a tiyul! And yet, I'm not that tired, just my back aches a lot. If I was home already, I'd be bored out of my mind, or would be spending too much money on coffee dates. So I'm happy to still be working, and feeling very very lucky to work in a very understanding office. I worked at home 3 days last week. Thursday, I just woke up in the morning, felt a sore throat coming on, and decided it wasn't worth it. I rescheduled my meeting and decided to stay home working on the couch again with my feet up. It keeps me busy, keeps my mind active, and yet I have the flexibility to say when it's enough. I appreciate that not every office would say that. I suppose it helps that my direct manager is already out on maternity leave, and the rest of the office is busy enough to just have an extra pair of hands. It's actually quite relaxing, and I even enjoy it.

Our new rocking chair is divine. Very addicitive. I could sit it in for hours, just rocking. Big time waster. Thanks Grandma and Grandpa!

Waiting

2009-08-17T09:54:00.001+03:00

A friend of mine is waiting for engineers and contractors and plumbers and the electric company. She's building a house, and has this picture on her blog:

That's exactly how I feel too.

Yesterday, I felt - well not real contractions, but definitely funny. All day. And then some contractions where I had to think - is that painful? Really? Is this it?

And then I really thought I was heading for the hospital. I was also nervous and anxious to pack. So I tried to wrap things up at work, updating status sheets, sending emails. I finished packing my bag, and even had to take my toothbrush out again this morning. I worried that I hadn't emptied the dishwasher, or packed a bag for Eden to take to her grandparents, and that there was no juice in the house. I asked Ben to copy all our remaining Scrubs and the Office episodes to the laptop. And I tried to think through all the contingencies.

However, at some point, I had to go to sleep. And I slept straight through the entire night, something I haven't done in a week or so. So here I am, still waiting. Ben thinks it could go on for another 2 weeks.

I feel like it could be any day now. But is that wishful thinking or a real gut instinct? And do I try to move it along or let it be - this baby will come in her own time?

Baby Update

2009-08-14T11:32:00.002+03:00

I went for an ultrasound this morning to measure the baby's weight (totally approximate, most people I know have been somewhat-to-way off). She's weighing in at 2.900 kg, which is totally on target, and also totally basically full term. Kind of scary, thinking that I could possibly have another month to go at least, if I go until 42 weeks. Ben says unlikely, but you never know. Aughgh!

Other news- amniotic fluid is low. Not dangerously, but I'm going back next week to get it measured again. Maybe they'll induce early or even better maybe an emergency C section. A large part of me is still dreading having to push this baby out.

I do think we are finally ready. As of last week, we had nothing. 2 vacation days this week bought me lots of toiletries, nursing supplies, a new rocking chair (Ben thought we were getting a hanglider when I said "glider", so we don't use that word to avoid confusion). Also Ben put together the crib, moved the changing table into the baby's room. We are still re-arranging the things in Eden's room, but if we had the baby tomorrow (or today!), I'd feel prepared.

Baby Registry

2009-08-04T21:07:00.003+03:00

Before Eden was born, we needed EVERYTHING. And, unfortunately, couldn't afford much. So when we registered, or were asked for gift suggestions, we said - basics. Clothing. Necessary furniture. Stroller. Car seat. Books. Etc. And when we bought things, we bought the cheapest thing we found first.
This time around, things are (thank God) a bit different. We have most everything already. I have a closet full of piles of baby clothes to sort and fold. (Of course we could use more. I think every baby deserves some outfits that were bought for HER and aren't 4.5 years old....). We have a crib, changing table, high chair, baby carrier, car seat, stroller. And what we don't have, or what was so junky we've already thrown it out, we are happy to buy again - newer and better quality. Living in a bigger city, we also have access to better stores.
But of course, the US is the den of consumerism, and I am a sucker for gadgets. Also, I had some good ideas for toys for Eden. So I started a very small baby registry for things that are small and packable/shippable from the US, battery powered if electric, useful, and fun, and not easily accessible here, or MUCH more expensive if so.
There isn't much on there just yet. Suggestions welcome.

The Great Barbie Debate

2009-08-03T15:02:00.002+03:00

We're there. I have a four year old daughter, and another one on the way (SOON!!!) and am thinking of some good big-sis presents. Presents that say Eden on them, presents that she can play with by herself, feel big, and not be reminded that there is a screaming small thing in the other room taking up much of her mommy's and daddy's attention.
Hence, books about being a big sister are great. But they do kind of rub salt in the wound I think. Same goes for baby doll things for little kids, like the moby wrap I saw for kids and little strollers and cradles, etc.
Trying to brainstorm some other gifts, I came up with Barbies. True, Barbies also have lots of small pieces, but she's right at the age where she can dress them herself. The other day she wanted to cut one of her dolls hair - she wanted it "little, like yours". I said no....as it is, she puts leave in conditioner in them, which can't be great for it.
Anywhoo - do I really want to introduce Barbies? We had them as kids, and I can't say my body image is so terrible. True, not great, but don't see how it could have been much better by not having Barbies. And they are durable, versatile, you can buy them endless outfits, there are Kens and Barbie babies and who knows what else to add to the collection. This is something that could last years.
On the other hand, the image of naked Barbies lying around the house really does make me cringe. They will need to be dressed at all times, except while bathing or getting dressed....just like Eden. No lounging in the nude is allowed for Barbie.
Any thoughts?

Babble

2009-07-23T19:25:00.007+03:00

I found a new site to waste time on. No really, something finally to replace Slate, which was getting boring, not enough new content, sensationalist, and sometimes a little inappropriate to read at work. And its embarrassing how much time I spend on facebook.
And so I found Babble.com, a mommy site that says me all over it. Nobody here hawking unrealistic opinions about how much money you've got to have saved before thinking about trying to get pregnant (Really, I read one message board post about how you've got to have at least 200K+ in the bank, or you are setting yourselves up for poverty and doing your future children a serious wrong. Right, so Eden would not have been born, and I would not be pregnant now.) Also no one here trying to explain why I've got to eat X and not Y, or that giving my kid too many sweets or not enough extracurricular is going to end up with her in expensive therapy.
Currently, I've got 8 tabs open that I want to read. Articles that I'm actually really interested in, instead of feigning interest in someone's weird problems on Dear Prudence. Which may be somewhat interesting for a moment, but not really informative.

Some of their interesting features are some great top 5's, like top 5 strollers -( Sarah, you've got competition! You should join them I think), top 5 play kitchens, top 5 thermometers. Did you know they sell 3 packs of forehead therms in the states for like $5? Thats what I want, we are always losing ours.

Also a column called WTF. I think that this is really progressive. I mean, who really heard of a serious magazine, even online, with a cussword in the title? Even in acronym....but its got some weird stuff. Like a japanese doll that comes with her own nursing vest. So that the girl who plays with her can feed her too, just like mommy. Sucking noises and everything. WEIRD!! On the side they refer to a kid's moby wrap, which i think is a lot more practical.

Nice column on equal parenting. For parents who split breadwinning and childraising and home management down the middle. I like to think we do this quite well, and it works for us, and I'm really proud of it. There are some things that are certainly my job and some things that are certainly his, but we are both prepared to switch when push comes to shove. And we know how. I mean, except for budgeting and money management...you kind of need to know how to add and subtract really well to keep track of that. Yeah, that's not me.

Some good columns recently on how to beat the heat in the city with a toddler. What is good spacing between kids. That formula is not poison. And a great interview with Penelope Leach, who says unequivocally that full time mommying is not best for everyone.

Anyhoo. Head on over, or watch my facebook links. I'll be sharing links regularly I think - I like pretty much everything I read on babble.

Independence, Here I Come

2009-07-09T19:54:00.002+03:00

Today was a fast day. Admittedly, I didn't fast, but I did have a tiring day at work, and Ben was of course fasting. So when Eden and I came home, we set her up with a movie pretty quickly, and chilled on the couch together. Eden came down when her movie was done, and we asked her to make sure to turn the A/C off before she came downstairs. It's really just a push of a button, its the largest button on the remote, and she likes to push those buttons anyway.

When we went back upstairs after she'd gone to bed, we realized that she'd not only turned off the A/C correctly but also:
1) Turned the screen off
2) Took the DVD out of the player
3) Put the DVD back in it's case
4) Put the DVD case back on the shelf.

All of her own volition! Wow! A kid I don't have to clean up after anymore!

A couple other milestones: Eden can now reach the light switch, and the hooks for our bags and coats.

This means a few things - that we need REALLY need to teach her not to turn the lights on and off on Shabbat, and that, at least when it's not Shabbat, to always turn the light off when she leaves a room. Also, she now makes a habit of hanging up her backpack when she comes home instead of leaving it on the floor. Pretty, pretty cool.

On the flip side, she knows where the permanent marker is that we use to write her name on her water bottles. She also knows how to write her own name, and does so - on all the water bottles she takes to gan (we switch them weekly). So we usually trust her with the marker, and think nothing of leaving it accessible. Except that it's red, and today she thought it would make an excellent color for lipstick. Which it does, and she applies it well for a four-year old. But its permanent marker. Luckily, we were able to scrub it off, or she'd have been particularly pretty this Shabbat, in her own way.

Off topic - on the baby front, there is something always going on in my belly. Or at least it seems that way. Either its Braxton-Hicks of the type that are enough to wind me, or I sit and rest and drink water to calm the Braxtons and the baby wakes up and wants to play. Its very tiring. Enough to almost make me want to fast Tish'a B'Av and go into labor early. A co-worker pointed out that Ben might not want to drive me to the hospital and be a supportive labor coach while on the worst fast of the year. I suppose I'll have to agree.

Guilt, School Age Version

2009-06-29T21:05:00.002+03:00

Tomorrow is Eden's last day of gan this year. Wednesday she has one day of vacation (wow!) and then Thursday starts daycamp.

She came home today with 2 big packets of "avodot" - her year's work. Two big packets of fours drawn over and over, and samech's and ayin's. Lines drawn from the picture of two girls to the number 2. Etc.

Eden worked hard on these. She's proud of them - as am I! I can't believe my girl knows how to write a 2 and 5 perfectly. But do I really need to keep them? How much of this stuff can I keep? I throw out most of her drawings week to week...even the good stuff she does at home. She can go through an entire notebook in a couple of sittings. Really, I can't keep all of it. I know that she gets disappointed when I throw them out, so I try to do it when she's not looking. Sometimes I make her help me clean up the mess (especially when she's been doing cut art), and it feels a little sadistic. Making an artist throw away her afternoon's work. But really, its trash.

Two whole notebooks of work though. Can I really throw it out? How can I keep it? How can I set that sort of precedent? Will she be forever angry at me for not appreciating her efforts? What's the "done" thing here?

Spooksville

2009-06-23T20:53:00.002+03:00

Eden knew I was pregnant before I did (granted, she also had thought I was having a baby for the entire year beforehand...this had nothing to do with the size of my tummy).
She also claims to "know" that it's a girl.
As in:
Me: "You know, even though the doctor says it's a girl, the only one who really knows is God.
Eden: "And me. It's a girl."

But tonight took the cake. See we've already chosen a name for the baby if it's a girl, and, well, Eden didn't guess it, but she came pretty close.

Let's say we've chosen the name Dina (we didn't). Eden has no friends named Dina. I don't know if she's ever heard the name before.

And she was playing with the phone, and brought it to Ben, and said, "Say hello to Dina!" We were floored. Why would she choose that name? Was it in a story they told today at gan? Is that a coincidence? Or does she really have some sort of a sense? She proceeded to tell us to talk to Dina's mommy and daddy...and that Dina had a little girl. Ooookay.

They say children under six have ruach hakodesh.....spooky.

I expected the worst and came out pleasantly suprised

2009-06-18T21:35:00.002+03:00

This evening could have been a disaster. We almost didn't go, and I was bracing myself for the worst, most tiring, frustrating, and physically uncomfortable night ever.
We went to buy a closet.
We've been wanting to put a closet in the future baby's room for some time now. Our experience with buying furniture in Israel has included Shuk Hapishpushim, Ikea, Ramat Gan furniture area, internet shopping, Beitili, the Modiin list, and an adorable little mom-and-pop store where we bought Eden's bed a few years ago. Most of it has been: hot, exsausting, expensive and/or low quality, and we didn't want to do any of that again.
I expected our trip to the Rishon Letzion "Israel Furniture Center" (Mercaz Rihutim HaYisraeli) to be much the same. Especially when we were taking Eden (in the car, which she doesn't especially like), after gan, at exactly dinner, bath, and bed time. I was already hot, swollen and uncomfortable, I didn't expect it to get much better.
But what a suprise. I didn't know this place existed, and no more are we going anywhere else for any other piece of furniture. It's a huge indoor souk of furniture - couches, tables, chairs, lounges, closets, bedroom sets, you name it. It's spread out over this huge area, each store owner having a nebulous corner to call his own, or sprawling all of his goods over a whole section. You could get lost. There is no map, no organization. The bathroom stall had neither toilet paper nor a working lock, and was up 2 flights of steep steps. It was not air conditioned. In short, it could have been horrible.
But it wasn't - it was one of the most interesting and enjoyable experiances I remember having in Israel.
We wandered around for a short while before what we wanted caught our eye. We had no recommendations to go on, but decided to ask about it anyway. The guy's name is Tony (yes he's Israeli!) and was friendly, patient, and helpful. It wasn't crowded and we were his only customer at the time, and he was able to give us his undivided attention.
I let Eden roam, check out the different couches and beds, while we decided on what we wanted. There wern't that many people in the area at all, and the neighboring shop owner came to give us advise and explain about the different wood types, and what was better (they don't compete - the other guy sells living room furniture only). Of course, we got to talking, playing some Jewish geography. He lived in Monsey for years. His 20 year old son, Danny, lives in Livingston, NJ with his mom, but is here visiting for the summer, and was there also. Eden got a bit bored with the couches, so Danny sat down with her and taught her to play chess. I haven't heard such a thick NJ accent in years. You'd almost think it was fake. Eden was delighted to make a friend and I think she knows that he let her win.
Maybe the two shop owners - Tony and the guy next door - make it a habit of recommending eachother. He made it a point to tell me that Tony did quality work, and that we were getting something well worth our money. And that he wasn't going to overcharge us - he would make the shekels stretch. I told him what a good kid Danny seemed to be, how much he clearly loved kids.
So we will see. Our closet arrives within 14 days. Its got tall hanging on the left, with 2 shelves above, and 4 drawers and shelves on the right. Tony said that if we ever wanted to add onto it in the future, it would not be a problem to add on from the same style, so I felt confident about buying only what we need now, and not worrying about later.
Maybe I'm wrong - I've been a bad judge of character before - but it seems to me that these people are the real thing. It doesn't seem that Tony's out to cheat us (we did no haggling), it does seem that he wants to be able to satisfy his customers. Until we actually have it built, I won't really recommend him, but I will say that he gave a mighty good impression. And I'm quite the cynic, not easy to impress, and salespeople usually have an especially difficult time.
On the way home, we kept the windows open and Eden loved that we went fast on the highway. The entire evening could have been much much much worse. We were out for almost 3 hours. But it really wasn't; it was enjoyable and we'll also have a new closet in about 2 weeks!

Hooray! I can start nesting!

On the search again

2009-06-13T22:29:00.002+03:00

So I admit, I'm fairly easily persuaded. I sit on the fence on enough important issues, that you can debate me either way with most things, and, barring rape, theft, and murder, I may agree that you have a point. I may not agree with your point, may have different moral points of view, but I will accept that its a valid and legitimate argument.

So this afternoon when my friends sitting at the park with me said that it was a terrible idea to do a couple things I was sure that I'd do, it was pretty easy for me to agree with them. I mean 4 out of 4 is not nothing.

No great moral quandaries here - really its just money. But in a country where not getting cheated is a national sport, it really is a moral obligation to be careful. And we don't have all the money in the world to just throw at people who ask for it.

So. I'm on the lookout again for another midwife. And another day care. Apparently it really is ridiculous for anyone to ask for more than a deposit on a child at a daycare, maximum a month's pay. Also it's unheard of to charge for an initial consultation with a midwife, AND ask that you come to her.

So here's my strategy, and it involves lots of phone calls and effort. #1 - posted a message on the local email list. Can't hurt. #2 - calling Dyada tomorrow, a nationwide organization that supports pregnant woman, childbirth, and babyhood. They have birthing courses, perhaps they also have a listing of area midwives. #3 - calling the very few midwives listed on www.leida.co.il - actually 2 I've already called. One of them never calls back (not a promising trait in a midwife) and the other doesn't do hospital births, but recommended me to her friend who charges NIS 300 just to meet her. I suppose I could do better.

After that... I don't know. About the childcare..... I don't know. First thing I suppose is sort out more of a plan and attack this in a sensible, efficient way. Give it effort, it's worth it. It's just very aggravating to have to make an effort. Especially when you weigh lots more than you did last summer, and it is very very very hot.

Also on my list for tomorrow is making a dentist appointment for Eden. Whatever else comes, she will get her teeth cleaned before this baby is born.

Follow up

2009-06-07T20:35:00.004+03:00

So I went and interviewed my friends caretaker. And I really liked her! She is a warm, loving, South American grandmother. I'll probably have some ifs, but I would anywhere, and in terms of quality of care, quantity of attention and love, and location location location, we really couldn't do better.
She isn't even that expensive, except that, she is asking us to pay full price starting in December, and 1/3 of the price for Sept, Oct, and Nov, to reserve the place. I understand her point of view, this is after all her income, and she can't afford to find out in December that I don't think I'll need her until February, or something like that. Nor can she afford to lose an entire quarter's income. But still, oh boy, what if I don't decide to go back until March? It's a gamble I suppose.

We could look into other options. But it would probably mean a longer walk and less quality of care, or paying much much much more and getting a private nanny, which isn't really my style either. That really does feel too bourgeoisie. So I think we may go with this woman - nothing is perfect after all. Got to get a move on though about it.

Meanwhile, I STILL have not met with my midwife. We've spoken on the phone a bunch of times. She always says she'll call me back, but rarely does. I must say, I hope she'll be more available at week 37 than she is at week 27. If we ever do meet (before I go into labor that is), I'll definitely raise it as a real issue. Thinking about trying to look around for others, but really not interested in expending the effort again, I just want to meet with this one.

And in 2 weeks, I have an ultrasound to measure the baby! Whoo hoo! Everyone keeps mentioning how huge I am. Thanks, its really appreciated. Funny, I had a feeling that I was carrying 2/3 of my weight in the space between the ribs and my thighs, and another 1/4 in my ankles, but good to get a second opinion to verify it. Next time, how bout trying something like, wow, you look fantastic! Really, you are just blossoming, you look so beautiful. And that color really brings out your eyes. So far, only one friend other than Ben has said anything remotely like that. Honestly, it was refreshing. Most others say things like, wow, you are big for 26 weeks! Will you make it? You look very tired. Are you drinking enough? You'd better take it easy.

I had a dream the other night that we had the ultrasound, the baby was just massive, and also breech, and the dr said, oh boy this is going to be a tough delivery. It also being a VBAC, he offered to schedule a C-section and I scooped it up! We scheduled the birth for 2 weeks before my due date, right smack in the middle of Eden's August vacation, and I didn't have to worry about what I was going to do with her for the last week in August either. No, this was not a nightmare, I think it was almost a daydream.

I am NOT superstitious

2009-06-04T22:05:00.003+03:00

Really, I'm not. I don't believe in the evil eye, bad luck - or good luck for that matter. I don't believe in red strings, blue glass eye beads, or any of the other Jewish-ish ideas that have developed. I think they're pagan.

I do believe in psychology, and the power of convincing yourself of something. Self-fulfilling prophecies, that sort of thing. Be optimistic, I say! At least you'll worry less.

But I think that even I draw the line at signing my unborn baby up for childcare for after I go back to work. Maybe we'll win the lottery and I won't go back to work (I know ... you can't win if you don't play...). But also, maybe, Gd forbid, the baby will need me home and I won't go back to work. Or .. something else. And I'm not superstitious, but it just doesn't seem right. Not fair that I should have to think about this.

I don't mind buying things for the baby. (Ben - we need to build that closet!) The room will be ready well before I go to the hospital, crib built and all. But childcare? I really don't want to think about it.

But, see I'm just nervous that we'll miss our chance. We live in a city that is a baby-making machine, and supposedly its not easy to find a good spot. And we have some limitations - namely that it needs to be within walking distance, preferably on the same street as Eden's gan. We're a one car family (by choice? I think?) and Ben taking the kids in the morning needs to not turn into an hour long walk around the neighborhood. And also, really it's got to be safe. Ie, no dangling curtain cords. No legos on the floor where she might eat them. Decent food... no chocolate for children under 1? Or gummy bears before she has any teeth? Ideally, some pureed vegies with breast milk or formula, maybe some rice cereal. Ok you get the point.

My friend sends her daughter to a place across the street from Eden's gan. She takes 4 babies only. And is normally priced. And is safe, warm and loving. Sounds good. She also has only one spot left....

Do I take it?! Do I actually sign my unborn baby up for a childcare starting December? Really not sure. I think I'll call her, but I don't like it. It's a bit icky.

Other friends (including Ben) say not to worry and we'll find something. Just walk up and down the street and we'll find someone. Or we'll just pay through the nose for a private nanny and spend the NEXT year dealing with all the baby's colds and separation anxiety. Not so much fun either.

Yech......I'd rather just sit here and feel the baby kick me more.

I love this shirt!

2009-05-22T12:06:00.003+03:00

A cousin of ours took this picture of one of his students. I love it!

Especially speaks to me, since I'm so much younger than most of my co-workers (26 to their mid 30's-50's!). I often get self conscious about it. I'm willing to admit that I'm ageist, but hope that I won't be when kids half my age start to move quickly through the corporate ladder.

My diamond fell out

2009-05-15T12:00:00.003+03:00

No, not the one on my finger. That one is secured with six gold prongs, so nervous was I when we got engaged. Rather, the one I had in my nose has gone missing.

When I got my nose pierced again last year, I didn't want any of the dinky nezemim (nose rings in hebrew) that they sell here on every street corner. I also didn't want the big clunky and annoyingly ugly ones that they sell at most piercing stores here. I wanted something tasteful and solid, and also not cheap. If I'm going to wear jewelry, it may as well be good.

So after doing some research, we ordered a few online from the US, including one with a cubic zirconia that was not like $3. It wasn't that expensive either, I mean it's teeny. But it had a gold setting, matches with everything, and was really comfortable. And I really really loved it.

And now one year later, I came home from work to find that the stone fell out. It could be anywhere, and its just not worth looking for it. I've looked in the stores around here, and there is nothing but the little dinky ones that keep falling out. Granted, I haven't yet been to the piercings stores in Tel Aviv or Jlem, so I may still find one I like there. But I think that its a little silly that they aren't sold or made as quality jewelry. I'm thinking about commisioning one. How 6th century would that be?

It seems to me that nose rings just haven't entered the realm of classic jewelry. The kind you buy at the nice regular jewelry shops. I wouldn't mind paying for a good piece, and it's annoying that I can't. Especially in this country where every fourth woman and her mother (ok that's not scientific...but there are a LOT) has her nose pierced. I feel like I run into just as many people - women and men! - with facial piercings as I do pregnant women. That ought to be reflected in the market also.

I think I'm on the lookout for a jewler who works with stones and gold.

I bought crocs

2009-05-13T21:29:00.002+03:00

Oh! The shame. The lost glory! Oh how the mighty have been brought low.
(I'm currently reading Colleen McCullough's Antony and Cleopatra).
I went out tonight and did something I really didn't think I'd do, nor did I ever want to do. I bought crocs.
When I worked at home today, I didn't wear shoes all day. My feet and ankles felt allright until I sat at the desk for a couple of hours to get some serious work done - and after that, um, ok, I can't put sandals on anymore. I wore my flipflops to go get Eden, but really didn't like the idea of wearing them to work tomorrow.
So as soon as Eden was in bed, I went down to the mall to buy some crocs, seeing as they were the only shoes I could imagine feeling comfortable, providing support, and maybe looking decent? Two out of three aint bad.
Turns out, nobody sells crocs anymore. The only places I could buy them were toystores, which of course don't really have mirrors, so I bought them blind. I think that for a while, they were really in style, and so everyone was buying them, even though they looked horrible. Now, the style is a little old, so the only people who buy them are those who know exactly what they want - they have 3 pairs at home - or are people who are clearly not wearing them for looks. That's me in the last category.
It's not that I don't think they look great, I think they look terrible. I'm going to have to wear pants every day now, since they cover most of them. I actually bought black - how depressing is are black crocs?! - because I want to be able to wear them to work without standing out too much. And I like looking nice, and red or green just doesn't go with some of the nicer things in my work wardrobe. That's not to say I won't buy a pair of red or green in a month or so, just for variety. Seeing as I'll probably be wearing them for the next 3 months or so. Or rather, just not wearing anything else.

After all this, I must say that they are comfortable. After my sandals that I couldn't get into, these are a different species of shoe. I feel my hips sitting differently, perhaps the baby even sits differently with my feet feeling nicer. Maybe after a few weeks of wearing these, my feet will shrink back down to size and I'll be able to wear my regular shoes....

Just googled "black crocs pregnant" and found a bunch of other pregnant bloggers who did the same thing - black crocs to wear to work. Glad to know I've got company.

I'm Hooked

2009-05-11T22:22:00.002+03:00

So, to follow up on my question from last post - is it worth it? I guess you all could tell me I told you so, but, I'm hooked. Despite a sprained ankle and many boutiques being closed by the time they got there (damn the sprained ankle!) we had a really good time. And it really does make a difference to go away.

Some cool things we saw:

A cow running away from home down to the river, as we ate dinner (steak) across on the opposite bank. Can cows swim if they fall in?
Lots of junk art galleries. What is it with artists who make things out of junk? Its a cool idea, but it gets a little tiring. I do like the wallhangings made of old plow equiptement though.
The best humus and pita in the north. Ben had my salad, I couldn't get enough servings of hot fresh pita. The guy thought I wasn't so normal....
Mt. Tabor. Wow, now that is a mountain. Very impressive.
Lots of beautiful Arab cities. Call me sheltered (bigoted? I'm really not..), for some reason I thought Arab cities were run-down shanty towns. Maybe except for Abu Gosh. But some cities up there were really great. What an eye opener.
Great place names. Mutzmutz! Lots of inspiration for our baby name, and lots of driving time to discuss it. No, its not Mutzmutz.
A very not-cool thing we saw: Multiple parents (could they have been teachers!??) smoking on a school trip. Very uncool. Ben reminded me that 30 years ago, it would have been the middle schoolers smoking instead.
Yummy jams and jellys for decent prices.
The Kinnerret. Some day, when we make a million, I'm going to buy a beach house on the Kinnerret.

I can't believe how little I've been around this country. After spending 4 summers here, 2 years in seminary, and almost 8 years since then, I'd never been to Afula. Why would I ever need to go to Afula? But we got lost in Afula and I'm so glad that we did. I've seen a lot of mountains, trees, deserts. I want to see every more Afulas.

Now I'm torn with bringing Eden next time and just going ourselves again....I want to show all this to her also!

As could have been expected, Eden had a great time at her grandparents. They had a pizza slumber party with Sarah and Hila, I guess you can't beat that.

Completely separate note - recently, pairs of pigeons have been visiting me on my windowsills at work (perks of a corner cubicle). They look like they are so in love, and it really brightens my day. Their twitterpated! I love to watch them, and wish I could hear what they are saying. I sometimes think that I have a tendancy to get depressed in the spring....twitterpated birds do make it better somehow.

Crisis Here, Crisis There, Crisis Crisis Everywhere

2009-05-05T21:12:00.002+03:00

Lately I feel like I'm at that arcade game where the alligators (Ben says they are hedgehogs) keep popping up and you need to bob their heads down.

There!
And There!
And There! Ooh there! Quick there!

No sooner do I finish dealing with one thing - or actually before I finish - up comes another one. I'm not going to talk about work on a blog where everyone knows my name, where I work, and some of my coworkers even read this. And I'm not going to talk about Ben's work either. But there is too much drama in my life. And too many things at once, and just simply not enough time to even think through them straight. I guess I just feel really overwhelmed, and then I remember that there is also laundry to do and that I don't have anything that I want to wear tomorrow.

We are taking a day up north this week, spending the day in Rosh Pina and staying at a guesthouse near the Kinneret. Should be fun, relaxing, just what I need. Best of all, Eden is staying with Ben's parents, something that will be good for her and good for us. Then why is this just stressing me out? Why do I feel the need to plan every minute of it, lest we have a bad time? Why do I resent the one less day I have this week to complete my work...surely it's worth it?

You could say its hormones, and I'll be the first to blame it on the hormones instead of take responsibility for the angry glares I've been giving, the times I've burst into tears in the middle of traffic, and my general snappiness. If only it was that easy.

Wouldn't it be nice if all a pregnant woman had to do was sit back and feel her baby kick? And think of names and maybe do a little decorating.....

Yom Haatzmaut

2009-04-30T22:06:00.003+03:00

Eden did not get to see the fireworks. She was all hyped up for them, but then somehow forgot about it right before it was her regular bed time. She was tired and went to bed so easily, that we just COULDN'T make her stay up later. It would have been excruciating.
So when they started about 1.5 hours later, we rushed downstairs, sure that she would have woken up scared. Not a chance, nor was she going to wake up. No dice, and Ben missed the first few trying. The next morning, we decided not to mention it and kind of skimmed the topic. Oh well, maybe next year.
Yesterday we spent the morning in Park Canada, 10 min from Modiin on one side, and one of the two local forests and hiking spots (the other being the Ben Shemen forest, 10 min from Modiin on the other side). Wasn't very crowded, and only a little bit of garbage. Best of all, there were trees! Not really to sit in the shade (although we did), but to climb! Eden climbed trees for the first time, and I think it was a great ego booster, since she insisted on wearing her fake crocs that morning, which don't have much traction, and wern't serving her so well on the rocks she was climbing.
Then we headed back to Grandma and Grandpa's for a bbq, where Eden ate more than ever, and I discovered the wonders of excercise balls. Pictures sometime soon.

Eden's been singing Independence Day songs for weeks now, getting the reishes in "Eretz Yisrael Sheli Yafa veGam Porachat" (My Israel is beautiful and blooming) right every time! She's so obsessed with Yom Haatzmaut that everything her gannenet told her about Holocaust Rememberance Day and Memorial Day went out the window - she doesn't remember a thing. Also, she thinks that the upcoming Lag B'omer is also a party for the medina - mangal and medurah getting mixed up also.

Happy 61, Medinat Yisrael. We are so glad to be here. Baby too - kicking strongly to the tune of Hatikvah.

Brag Post Plus

2009-04-24T15:48:00.003+03:00

I know its hard to listen to parents go on and on about how wonderful their kids are. Well oh well, that's what you get on a mom-blog.

I was just about to write a post on how big of help Eden was today when she came upstairs and started whining and complaining, touching everything in the room that I did not want her to touch, and generally being pretty annoying. Sometimes I feel guilty about having such little patience for those types of things. But after feeling guilty for too too long, I've decided that no mom is perfect, and if this is what she complains about in 20 years, then so be it.

Nonetheless I'll give credit when due, and today, Eden:

Helped me vacuum by pushing it around behind me so that I wouldn't have to pull it
Helped me wash mirrors and toilets
Fetched random things for me, like new garbage bags, the stool, the window cleaner, and brought the stool back to the kitchen, and laundry to the hamper, and even put the garbage bag in the pail
Washed the steps (she does this most Fridays, with very wet wipes. We're lucky if there isn't enough water on the floor underneath them afterward to wash the rest of the floor too...)
Made her bed this morning! Totally without either of us prompting her to!

Really, what a big girl and what a big helper.

On another note, she's going through an odd clingy phase. I'm late leaving for work more often than not recently because she's up when I leave and crying that she wants me to stay with her. One day this week, I actually gave her a necklace of mine to wear so that she would have a bit of me all day with her. That seemed to do the trick, although Ben wasn't too pleased. He thought the other kids might get jealous and make fun of her. Indeed, when I went to pick her up, it was hidden, tucked into her shirt, because she said the other kids might call her "chutzpanit" (lit. "rude", but something along the lines of making fun of her, I guess...)

And on another note completely (this is the "plus"), I've been looking for a hanging fruit basket for AGES! I want to screw them into the ceiling above the divider between our dining room and kitchen because we always lose track of the fruit and vegies in our fridge and they end up going bad. It's very weird, nobody has them. Seriously, what a funny thing to not be able to find - they are under $15 in the US.

Hear, Hear

2009-04-23T12:56:00.004+03:00

The Idle Parent: Don't take your kids to amusement parks or museums.

Although we are planning one day in Disney when we go back to the US in Nov....

I also seem to find it mind-numbingly impossible to sit on the floor and cut up little bits of paper with Eden, or draw endless butterflies with ears.

And you know? She's refreshingly resourceful and independent.

Bees in my Tummy

2009-04-16T08:43:00.004+03:00

This morning, Ben went off to work as usual. Eden went off to gan - in Kaiser, another neighborhood that has a branch of her gan. Its not really gan today, since gan is closed, but the afternoon program is open so that parents can go back to work.
Eden was worried that none of her friends were going to be there, and that she would have no one to play with. Good for her for expressing it, although this is maybe the 3rd or 4th time in her life that she's been nervous about going to gan. I asked her if she had butterflies in her tummy, and she said no, bees. - ? - . She even tried to do what Winnie the Pooh does, and blow them out, but it didn't work. In the end, her friends were there and her afternoon teacher was there, and she was OK, although hesitant in a new place. You know, even though I'm sure that she will be fine, I'm nervous for her too - I think just because she's nervous. I'm really feeling what she's feeling.

I have a funny day today also. I have a mandatory vacation day, which is great, since its a day on my own, without Eden. I can completely transfer back to chametz, catch up on laundry and housework, and still have time to relax. But I feel funny, with no one to speak to and nothing really fun to do. (Switching over a kitchen and doing laundry is NOT fun. Going shopping for things that I really don't need would be fun, but it would also involve spending money. How do people spend time by themselves for extending days at a time without spending more money?!) I find myself speaking out loud... to nobody. I suppose its a good thing I have a blog.

So I'm putting off switching over. For example, I'm going to go out and buy some good storage containers to keep the Pesach things in, since our Pesach organization isn't that great. And while I'm there, I may as well do the weeks grocery shopping, which requires me to look up recipes and make menu lists before I leave. Ah and also, I have to start to take lunch to work. I can do some research about that before I leave. How do you plan dinners as well as lunches? And also get some laundry in. At this rate, I'll be lucky if the Pesach things are all put away by the end of the day......

Edit - 1:39 PM. Pesach things are all put away (did not buy the containers in the end, they are too expensive and we really don't need them), but its such a drag to take the chametz things out again and reorganize. I think I'll make a chicken pot pie with left over soup and a coffee cake instead.

And some more thoughts on the lines of the above: My goal during maternity leave is not to spend more money than I would have if I was driving to work every day. I can see myself either going to get very fat by baking things like above coffee cake, or spend a lot of money going out for breakfast with friends who are also on maternity leave. Or spend a lot of money going out by myself with the baby, and spending the money on gas that I was supposed to be saving by not going to work. And all at once. So, it would be nice to even come out ahead, but I think planning on at least breaking even is more realistic.

Emotional Growth Spurts

2009-04-06T21:25:00.002+03:00

I don't know, maybe spending a day at home with your kid makes you more aware of how grown up they are. Or maybe, they really did take a recent jump in EI. I'll never know.
In any case. A list of the adorable and interesting things Eden's done recently, particularly today, since I spent the day with her. This is what being a mom is about, being able to blab (related to blog?) about it.

Yesterday I had told her about how we were going to clean the fridge and the cabinets today, and then go grocery shopping for Pesach. Eden was really excited about it, and couldn't wait to dig in. This morning, when I started to clean the fridge, I said - Ok, Eden, let's go! And Eden said, No, Mommy, you gonna clean the fridge. I'm making the list. A manager after my own heart.
On Friday, Eden made a Waldorf salad with Ben's mom, and had a bunch of apples and nuts. Friday afternoon, she came down with a throat infection and threw up in the car - all those apples and nuts. Today, as we were driving in the car, I suppose Eden felt a little sick again, and she said, Mommy, my apples are coming up. It took a minute for us to understand what she meant - she hadn't had any apples today - her first euphemism! We are all going to use it from now on. A few months ago, I had apples coming constantly...lots of apples coming up.
We went out to dinner tonight at the new sushi place in Modiin Center. There are some kiddy rides there for 2 shekels. Eden wanted to go on one of the rides, but saw that we were busy. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, and say that she didn't want to bother us. Because all of a sudden, I find her rooting around in my purse! When I asked her what she was looking for, she said, I'm looking for kesef (money). Do you have any kesef for the rides? She would have just taken it! I'm sure it was innocent, but I think a talk about money and stealing is coming up soon....

I was REALLY impressed with her in the grocery store. True, we didn't get much of our list because she lost the stamina. But listen to this.

Grocery story #1 We went to get toothbrushes and they were all out of kids toothbrushes except for a bratz toothbrush. And this is the first time I had to say no because I felt something that she wanted was inappropriate. But I'm not brushing my kids teeth with an effigy of a slut that my kid thinks is pretty. Sorry. So we went back and forth a few times, and then Eden said, Ok Mommy so what I'm gonna get that you like instead. And we picked up a fun looking toothpaste. And then later on in checkout, I noticed that the toothpaste wasn't kosher for pesach and I told Eden and she was pretty worried about what we were going to get instead of her toothbrush. And I said, we will have to go to another store to get something else. And she said, OK, and that was it. (!!).
Grocery story #2: Eden picked up a package of crunchy MSG and said that she wanted to snack on it in the store - OK, no problem. Then she saw the chocolate puddings and said, But Mommy why we never get those yogurts? Those yogurts are so very very yummy! So I said she could get a puddding, but she couldn't eat it until she got home, whereas the snack bag she could have now. Still she chose the yogurt, and watched over it in the cart for the rest of the day. She watched it at the checkout counter. Often reminded me, saying, Mommy right you said as soon as we get home I can have my yogurt? Right you said? Right I said, and she was so patient, and so good, that I decided to sit down at the snack area and let her eat it there.

And the tip top this-is-my-great-kid-story....

We wrote up the grocery list all day, as we went along. I kept thinking of some more things to get, specifically for Eden - a new toothbrush (oh well...) and toothpaste, a new cup for her bed, popsicles or ice cream, a snack for the trip. And as I added more things to the list, she said, Mommy! We gonna buy so many things for me today! You're such a good mommy, you buy me so many things! I'll ignore the materialism in that sentence and just take what I can get.

Throat Infections May Prevent PPCD

2009-04-05T15:27:00.003+03:00

The good news is that I most decidedly do not have PPCD (Pre-Pesach Cleaning Disorder) this year. Perhaps due to the pregnancy, or a throat infection, or Eden's throat infection, or nutty work schedule, my recent pre-disposition to laziness, or a combination of all of these.
I have never done this little for Pesach.
Actually, I have never done this little for so long a period in general.
We aren't making seder, and haven't even been asked to bring anything, except our beautiful daughter who will hopefully grace us with a decent Mah Nishtana, or at least part of it (time is running out, and she still doesn't know it! Does that make me a terribleJewish mom?). We gave the house a good clean a few weeks ago when my parents were here. The apartment is small, and what you see is mostly what you get. I'm not rifling through the pockets in my non-preg jeans to find chametz in there, nor am I looking through old clothes of Eden's - they are all packed away. Any chametz sitting in any of other place that I haven't looked at in a year (since last Pesach cleaning!) is either inedible or will be declared ownerless and as dust in the wind.
We still have the kitchen left to do. But even that - I am emptying out 2 tall floor to ceiling cabinets, and everything, including dishes and food, can go in there. Counters, sinks, stoves, fridge, are all bleachable. Oven, microwave - nuke it with poisonous cleaner and turn it on high. Kill it and its not chametz, and more than that I don't care.
Everything else is being shut up, sold, and not cleaned. I'm not buying much more than I would for a regular week - even less, since I love Matzah and jelly so much. I haven't cooked much in the past 5 months, and I don't expect to start now.
If I had thought about it, I would have tried to buy less chametz, starting even before Purim. I resolve to try to do so next year - that would make me feel less guilty about doing so little. I do so hate to throw good food in the garbage, and we have orzo, barley, kusemet, french fries....
People will try to tell you that there is a spiritual side to Pesach cleaning. That getting rid of the chametz in your house also enables you to get rid of the chametz in your soul. I suppose this is true, but is it maybe easier to look for the chametz in your soul when you aren't worn out and sick of cleaning your house? This is just a theoretical question, I do not commit to spending hours soul searching this month. I'll just try the usual - let's be a nicer, better, more caring and understanding person this month than I was last month. Maybe I'll even count Omer and get through the whole thing.
Don't think that I don't feel guilty for this. We aren't driving ourselves up the wall cleaning. We aren't planning a seder until 3 AM. We live in Israel and can buy everything we need the morning of the holiday at the local grocery store - especially since we eat Kitniot! We didn't spend a ridiculous amount of money on new clothes, cleaning services, and are not planning on buying kosher for pesach, kitniot free, gebrochts free MacNCheese. We are both working over chol hamoed, saving our vacation days. We just aren't stressing.
So what do we do? Sit back, enjoy the spring holiday, enjoy the seder discussion, the prayers, and time with family. Hopefully we'll take a little day trip with Eden (anyone want to join?). Being happy, content, mellow (sounds like my MIL's description of retirement. I suppose I could be happy retiring, for a week or so.) Sit still and try to feel my baby kick.
I do feel the need to justify and defend myself. Generations of Pesach nuttiness is too ground into me. How many generations will it take to introduce calm and serenity into Judaism?

You Know Your'e a Parent When . . .

2009-03-30T07:27:00.001+03:00

....you are up in the middle of the night and microwave a potato and boil an egg for your kid's mock seder the next day.
Kudos to Ben - I had completely forgotten. Isn't that the type of thing a mom is supposed to do? I was fast asleep.

Eden has been singing "Vehi Sheamda" for a week now, and is really excited. Now if only I could get her to sing the "Ma Nishtana" the whole way through.

Head Over to Baby Things I Want

2009-03-29T20:48:00.003+03:00

I want a lot of things. First and foremost, this baby.
But a lot of other things too. Things that cost money (not that this baby is free......). And I like to talk about them.
So, if you want to hear me talk even more about things that I want to buy, don't want to buy, think that perhaps someday I might want to buy, related to kids and babys, head over to http://www.babythingsiwant.com/, where I'm the newest author!

Long, Lazy Friday

2009-03-27T17:00:00.002+03:00

It was a long Friday. We changed the clocks last night and woke up an hour late. We had a short shopping and cooking. Somehow, the house got cleaned and the laundry done, and its now 5:00 and I still have 1.5 hours to go. I DO feel like I've done nothing all day, except browse online and laze around. I am fully in denial about Pesach, and have not done a stitch of cleaning. I did make a preliminary list, so I suppose I'm not totally guilty.
Ben cooked, hooray for Ben!
What I did do today is start another list - a baby list. Not as nice or fancy as Sarah's list, I don't really want to set up another blog, and I do want my own list. Maybe I'll write a few blog posts for hers, just for the fun of it.
We don't want to buy much new for this baby - don't really see the need. However, I would like to right some wrongs we did with Eden. When Eden was born, we basically made a list of the things we needed, and made do with the cheapest and easiest to find, which wasn't always the most ideal.
This time around I'd like:

A co-sleeper (hard to find to fit our lower Israeli beds, and NOT cheap, for just a few weeks use until we move her to the crib)
A new swing - smaller, portable, nice looking, BETTER.
A changing table - possibly. We have a desk-converted to changing table in Eden's room. Eventually, she can use it for a desk. In the meantime, its a staple of her room, and I don't want to take it away. At the same time, we are planning on building a 5 door closet in the baby's room, and I don't feel the need for another dresser in there. All I want is a changing table. Does it exist in Israel? Maybe we will have someone build it for us.
A baby bath - we gave ours away. Ideally perhaps, we'd find one that can fit into the sink.
A new baby carrier - am thinking about the big cloth ones, I didn't like it last time because it was too hot. This baby will be born in Sept, and I'll have the entire winter, where I'd rather be warm.
Not to mention new nursing bras, a new nursing pillow. The pillow I'm sure I can get here - the bras? There is no way I'm getting into the plastic cages they sell here. Hey, while I'm on the topic, maybe a glider? I think that may be a bit off the budget....

I'll add more another time. I suppose I'll go get ready for Shabbat now.

Quick, Safe, and Easy

2009-03-25T19:15:00.002+02:00

Is that a pipe dream? For birth I mean. Well for anything really, I suppose nothing is really quick, safe, and easy, unless its a cup of water or something. And even that lately...
So here comes a pregnancy gripe.
It really gets on my nerves when women press other women to use their childbirth experiences as a path to a heightened spiritual state. Meaning, I don't care what you do in your own life, do what's best for you. But don't pretend to think that it's also best for me.
I'm a cynic. And a skeptic. I don't do yoga, meditation, or hypnosis. Amazingly, I actually can deal with pain somehow rather stoically anyway. But that doesn't mean that I like to, nor is birth an opportunity for me to express that part of myself. Birth is how a child is born. That's it.
This all stems from a discussion I had with a doula the other day. I'm on the lookout for doulas. (And names by the way. I see girls names everywhere. Often, I say - ooh that's the one. And then later, nothing.) And I spent almost an hour on the phone the other day with a doula, who, aside from the fact that she would just not stop talking, seemed pretty decent. In fact, I was really pretty impressed with what she offered and really would call her back except for one thing. She basically said that I must be totally and completely committed to having a medication free birth, or that the hospitals here would just send me for another emergency C-section (I'm hoping for a VBAC). It seemed pretty extreme, but she said the risks of a uterine rupture are high enough to make medication pretty much not a good idea. I came out of the conversation thinking that really the decision was between planning a C-section and carrying a med-free birth through to the end.
And I'm just not sure I'm that committed. I don't really care about it, philosophicaly. It's not going to do anything for me. I don't think that non-medicated a "better" way to go, although it has its good points, and has been proven safer in the long run. But, from what I understood, if I wasn't full on about it, better off with a planned C.
So I started reading up on planned Cs. I read up on how they do it at Laniado Hospital in Netanya (hebrew, IE only, sorry), and that sounds pretty darn good to me. Quick, safe, easy. True, there are risks in later pregnancies, but women can have many many C-sections, especially here in Israel. Besides, do I really want so many kids that it would be a problem? There are of course other complications, internal scarring, etc. But our doctors are good enough, aren't they?
All in all, sounds a whole lot better than a non-medicated birth. And certainly a whole lot better than a trial of labor and another emergency C-section. All that trauma, for both me and baby. And it could be so easy.
So Ben thought that what this doula had told me was a load of bunk, and that surely I could have an epidural for a VBAC also. Apparently they do it in the rest of the world, why not here. I asked a friend of mine who I thought might know, and she seemed to think it was bunk too. I have yet to really verify it with a professional, but it just gets to me. Why would she say something like that if it just wasn't true? She must really, really, really believe that medication in a VBAC is dangerous. Ben later expressed just what I was feeling, that some people - and so many of them doulas, lactation consultants, childbirth class instructors, etc - are so ungrounded and in the clouds about this stuff that they don't present the facts right. We had that same experience with the woman we took our course from before Eden was born. She presented things as such FACTS, about birth, nursing, pacifiers, and just everything having to do with newborns. And I realized after Eden was born was that there really are no facts. Each baby does its own thing. And each mother does her own thing. And each family has to adjust and do what is right for them.
So, bottom line here. I'm looking to have VBAC, because it is safer, because its supposed to be easier in many ways, and because its supposed to be easier to nurse afterward. (And the nursing is a priority for me, not because of any superior holy feelings. In fact, I decidedly do not like feeling like a cow. But it is good for the baby, and its easy on the wallet if it goes right, so it would be nice if it did this time.) And I'm looking to pay someone to help me through that VBAC. But I'm not looking for a quack whose going to get on my nerves the entire time with her 'oh how holy is this birth' bit going on that so many of them have. Just get it done.
Recommendations and advice welcome.

For the record - I know I'm exaggerating a bit. Its hard to really express how I'm feeling about this, so I'm overcompensating. I know that they aren't all really that terrible, and many are really very down-to-earth.

Related Posts - Cloth Diapering 101. This I can relate to. And not for the environment.

A Peek Inside

2009-03-20T09:03:00.002+02:00

We had our skirat mukdemet last week - the early advanced U/S scan that Maccabi gives us in week 15 or 16. My own dr does an U/S every month, but the resolution is not very high, and he really only uses it to check the heartbeat and movement. Last week, we found out that
a) Its a girl! Hooray for Eden's little sister!
b) Both sides of her brain are exactly symetrical (thank God!)
c) That she has all the limbs and organs she is supposed to have (thank God again!)
and
d) There is an amniotic shee t keeping her company.

Truth is, I went back to my dr yesterday for a monthly follow up, and he couldn't find the sheet. He said it may have disapeared already, or fused to the wall. Either way he wasn't worried about it, and gave me a referral for another advanced U/S at week 21 :). I thought that usually they do a second one at week 24 or 26, so I'm not sure if this is just an early one or actually an additional one! Wouldn't that be fun!

Anyway, but for the week that it was still there, it got me thinking. I mean, it wasn't doing her any harm, as long as her arms and legs didn't get caught up in it. And it meant that she had slightly less room to move around, which might explain for how huge I am already. But you know, maybe she liked it there. Kind of like her first blanky. What if she went through the whole pregancy with it? Would it be traumatic to leave it behind? (In addition to the regular trauma of birth). What if it broke in say, the 7th month? She might have grown to like it, have missed it, and actually gotten over it by the time she was born. She would have known loss, and overcome that loss, even before she entered our world. What an idea! How would that affect her?

I already have a gut feeling that she is very different than Eden. Eden is so - personable. Outgoing. Charming, friendly. She doesn't sit still, she's a doer. I already feel that this baby is quieter. Less rambunctious, maybe more shy. At this point when I was pregnant with Eden, we had an ultrasound that showed her jumping - I don't know that she's stopped since. Our scans with this baby have shown her chilling. She waved at us last week, but that was about it - only one hand moved. She's bothered me a bit with morning sickness, but not as badly as Eden did. She seems to be just less - in your face. I wonder if thats true. If so, we have something completely unknown coming to us. I mean we would anyway, but this all just gets me thinking about it more. How wonderful and interesting - I can't wait!

Reruns Have Become Our History

2009-03-18T18:40:00.003+02:00

A quick flashback to the Goo Goo Dolls, a fav band of mine in high school (and still! I love it when I find them on the radio!)

If you know the song, you'll know what it has to do with this post.

Sometimes things come around in my head again and again. I honestly don't remember if I've actually posted about this before, or if I'm doing so now for the first time. I also am too lazy to go look.

I think every generation of parents thinks that their kids grow up too fast. I think parents have been thinking that their kids have grown up too fast for millennium. That this decade's technology will be the ruin of the next generation. This is nothing new, and every parent of a teenager that I know thinks this way.

Granted, I am not a mother of a teenager. And maybe I'm too young and my own teenage memories are still fresh in my mind. But I totally disagree. I think kids don't grow up fast enough.

Yes, they are exposed to more and more information at a younger age, but that doesn't mean growing up (and I don't think its going to ruin them). The smart ones will adjust. The stupid ones will do what stupid ones have always done - continue being stupid despite their parents best efforts). Kids take too long to become independent and responsible. They grow up not knowing how to make concrete decisions, and are still afraid of commitment well into their 30's, leaving their best years for reproduction behind. They don't use their minds, are too lazy to solve life's puzzles, and aren't interested in doing so. They aren't respectful, nor are they respectable. I don't really care how many piercings kids have, and it doesn't matter to me what they look like. I want them to be decent people, able to support themselves, take an interest in supporting the next generation. Be interested in growth, life. Flourish.

I am of course generalizing. I'm talking about the kids who I steer Eden away from in the park. The kid who was sitting on the hood of my car one day smoking when I came out of the store.

Honestly, I think these kids are bored. They are bored with school, and bored with their parents and bored with their life. They are waiting to grow up and be a person, but will not know what to do when they get there, nor will they recognize that they've gotten there. Perhaps they may never get there. You have to GO somewhere to get there, if you sit on the corner smoking all afternoon after school, you don't look like you are going much of anywhere.

I'm aware that I'm ranting a bit. I have no hard and fast proofs or examples. Just a general feeling and a slight annoyance at people who want to keep their kids young. I personally, cannot wait for Eden to grow up. She's so interesting, and only four! What a fascinating person she's going to be at 14 and 24! I love that she is independent, and I hope she continues to be so. I love that she knows her own mind, and that you can argue a point logically with her. I love that she can disagree and still understand that she doesn't always get her way. And accept it. That's what grownups do, actually. Growing up too fast doesn't mean too much internet, it would mean too much disappointment. And I think that most kids who seem to be growing up too fast are only disappointed that they have to wait so long.

Early to Bed, Early to Rise, Makes a Person

2009-03-07T20:46:00.002+02:00

Very Cranky in the Evenings.

Eden has started getting up earlier. This means that:

a) Ben and Eden have more time in the morning to get ready. Hooray! Makes for a happier Ben later in the day.

b) Eden sometimes is awake when I leave for work. Which means that I don't leave for work as expeditiously as I would otherwise... usually I'm giving her hugs for 10 minutes. (GUILT TRIP HERE: When I picked Eden up on Thursday she said to me, out of the blue, "Mommy, I love you so so much."I said, "Oh honey, I love you too!" And Eden said, "So why all the time you go to work. I want you." Can't get more heartbreaking than that. I must remember that I love my job. And that it provides for this little heart breaker.)

c) Eden gets tired earlier. Her official bed-time is 7:30. But if we wait much past 7:10 to get her teeth brushed and into pjs, she is "so so tired. I cannot brush my teeth. I am so so tired." And she's often too tired to eat a proper dinner, so she's hungry also. Never mind visiting with friends. I say we are too tired for that. All this makes for some difficult late afternoons and evenings.

d) Eden gets up earlier on weekends also. The sun shining this weekend did not help. Apparently it was "morning time!" at 10 to 6 AM.

Maybe some day it will do her good. I can only hope that it instills what Ben Franklin said it would. Right now, its only making for a very unhappy four-year old.

Some happy news: Eden gave the baby a hug tonight. Sort of, she was a bit disappointed that all she got to see was my tummy. But she sang a song and said, "I'm Eden, I'm your big sister. And I love you so much, little baby." Also heartbreaking, but in a good way.

And she can spread peanut butter by herself! I was astonished at that, what a big girl. Next, she'll be making her sandwiches by herself. One more point for Ben :)

Gems to Share and Remember

2009-03-01T18:47:00.002+02:00

We had a really great weekend.

Starting off with Eden's birthday party at gan (no need to post pics here if I can link to facebook), followed by a really enjoyable shabbat with Ben's family, including our new niece Hila. The party was wonderfully un-pagan, unlike last years where all the little 3-year olds worshiped the cake god and the birthday goddess granted favors to techno music and black light. I guess that doesn't exactly happen in a Shas gan. Also, it was nice that they do it in pairs, and we had our birthday party with Eden's friend Talia. Talia's mom is one of those wonderful people who has everything planned and worked out perfectly way in advance, and volunteered to buy everything. All I did for the party at all was contribute 1/2 the expense. (I used to think I was a mom like that, but have since grown to know better.)

Some sweet, short, and funny Eden-isms:

When we did the Mommy-Eden birthday dance at gan together, and Eden presented me with a big red heart, Eden had an urgent secret for me. She whispered in my ear, "I love you, Mommy" (!!).

There is a man in our neighborhood with a big bushy beard and a big head of white hair. We sometimes see him walking with his dog. Ben has told Eden alternately that it is Eliyahu Hanavi, or the Old Man of the Mountain. Thursday afternoon, we saw him on the way home from the park, and Eden of course called out and pointed, "Look Mommy! Its Eliyahu Hanavi! And his dog!"

We spent the entire day yesterday at Ben's parents. Our fuse blew, and there was nothing we could do on Shabbat. I'm not going to go into the details because it only contributed to the day in that we had no heat and decided that it would be more fun to stay there for the entire day. Which it was. When we got home at the end of the very very very long day, we sat down to read Super Completely and Totally the Messiest, by Judith Viorst. (Hint: We LOVE Judith Viorst.) I told Eden what a big girl she had been, how great she had been with Hila, and how proud of her I was. Her brow was furrowed, and I asked her what was on her mind. She said she was thinking of Mommy and Daddy, and how we totally and completely and "all de time" love her very much. That was just the best end to the day. I love her little Sabra accented "all de time".

When my friend asked Eden whether she thought the baby was a boy or a girl, she said its a girl. My friend said, "Really, you think so?" And Eden said, "I don't think. It's a girl." Is she psychic? Clairvoyant? We'll find out in just a couple weeks when we have a big ultrasound scan. I'll probably leak it here. Stay tuned.

Eden can now put her hair in a ponytail all by herself! And clips in the side to keep her grown out bangs back. I am truly amazed.

I notice that the spellchecker caught facebook. I wonder when they will get with the program?

Next Generation Blogging

2009-02-23T20:16:00.003+02:00

I don't know what it is lately, but I can't think of anything really solid to blog about. My thought processes are rarely very focused, except when working. Or even then, it mostly flits between -

ouch, leg fell asleep! - Hungry, must eat. - Strange smell, wonder where that is coming from. - What's new on Facebook? - Ahhh new email. Must deal with it. - Ahhh phone call, must answer. - How can I get rid of the extra furniture we have? - Can we build new closets? What would the ideal closet look like? What about the ideal linen closet? - I really really really would like some ice cream right now. - Yuck, I think that would make me sick. - HTH am I really going to finish this before I go home? - MUST FINISH! MUST FOCUS.

And then my leg falls alseep again. Hazard of being short legged and pregnant.

They say the recession hasn't yet hit us, and that we have about 6 months until D-Day. Great, just in time for me. Can a socialist govt bail on maternity leave?

I'll leave it at that for now. Maybe I'll wake up next month.

Announcement

2009-02-19T18:06:00.004+02:00

I've decided that I like one-word titles. If I can summarize everything that I want to say into one word as a title, I am a happy woman.

So.

Many have guessed, and not said anything. Some don't know at all. Some have guessed, and have said something, as in the woman who asked me, "So, is there something there or does it just look like it?" Yes, there's something there.

I'm 12 weeks pregnant.

Whoo hoo!

Just came back from my 2nd drs appointment, where we got a great view of our baby on ultrasound. Everything looks good, thank Gd.

So if you don't already get it, the dearth of postings has been because I've been feeling like crap. It's started to taper off, but still I'm often in bed right after Eden. 4 PM and onward are not my best hours. You'll excuse me, I'm working on a baby here.

Be forewarned that this blog may start to contain more and more details about, ahem, some details that I feel the need to share. I'm aware that I may lose my male readership, especially those with larger families who hear enough about this stuff from their own wives, but I'm prepared to face that. I will attempt to keep it pretty clean, with not too much TMI. But forewarned is forearmed. I don't think I ever had much of a male readership to begin with. I mean, this blog never pretended to be about sports or cars. Just mommy and guilt.

Really, I'm just going to go on and on about how excited I am. And how cute my baby is, even if it is under 4 inches long. It has a really big head. And two arms! Isn't that a miracle! We saw one leg on the ultrasound, I'm assuming that it also has another one. Isn't that COOL??!?!

And the fun renovations we are planning in the baby's room. And Eden's reaction to the baby. Or baby to be. (We haven't told her yet.)

Pretty much, all baby centric. What fun! For people who like hearing about babies that is. With no end in sight.

Oh - another cool tidbit. There are 3 other women in my dept who are also pregnant. One is due in June, one in July, my boss is due mid August, and I am due Aug 31, which really means for me a Sept birth. I think. And THAT is really nuts.

Edit: Eden knows. Ben's mom picked her up today, and I know that she didn't say anything, but we were talking about the ultrasound, and the appointment and all, when Eden comes up to me, and says, "Mommy! You having a baby! Because your tummy is very very big!" And I said, "You know what? You're right!" And she just went nuts. She's so excited. She kind of did this thing that I probably felt like doing when we found out, but didn't because I'm all adult-like and concerned about risks, etc. She just started jumping and screaming and hugging and being so happy. So are we all.

Volunteerism

2009-02-18T20:58:00.002+02:00

http://www.slate.com/id/2211412/

I'm going to rant a bit again. The world needs more do-gooders, that's for sure. We all need to be a little kinder, a little more giving, more caring about others.

On the other hand - is Slate kidding with this title? If the only time that you have to volunteer is between 4 and 6 AM, then you should not be volunteering. You should be spending that time on yourself.

Too many people don't take care of themselves enough. Pirkei Avot had it right (paraphrase): give first to your family, then to your community, then to your home town, then to other cities. I'll add, give to yourself first. Everyone else will be better off for it.

I think actually that too many people think about other people too much. Not enough people are thinking about themselves. No, really. Sometimes people give to other people because they don't really want to focus on themselves. They feel they aren't good enough, or don't want to spend too much time alone with themselves. Don't want to focus on their own issues, would rather help others. That's selfish also. Others will be better off if you spend time with yourself first.

That includes your spouse and children, and any one in your life directly. And then any one in their lives directly. And it spreads. The world can only benefit from some more happy marriages, some more healthy parent/child relationships. If you do wonderful volunteer work, but can't keep your marriage together (or your bankbook balanced!), you've got your priorities wrong.

I'll step down from said soap-box now.

Pizza and Ice Cream are Magic

2009-02-02T22:20:00.003+02:00

Stay tuned, I'm still alive. Just a bit busy. Have been feeling under the weather, pressured at work with some new and frustrating projects, and best news of all a new niece!!! Not that I'm used to getting nieces in general, this is my first, and very exciting.

Her name is Hila Zehava after Bens (and her mom's) grandmother, who've I've learned a lot more about since Ben's parents have moved to the area. She's a little bundle of love who makes my heart melt to look at her. I didn't know I could love a child so much who isn't actually my own....I can't wait to watch her grow up along with our kids, who are so close in age. Really though I just can't wait to hold her again, and really really can't wait to see her smile. I think that my heart will just burst then.

Just for the record, I still love Eden best. In case it almost sounded otherwise. I am partial to newborns though.

With all the ups and downs of the past few weeks, we've discovered frozen convenience foods and dishwashers. I really feel middle class and bourgiouse now. Yes, we finally bit the bullet and bought a dishwasher. Don't ask whether we use it for dairy or meat, its a sensitive topic. We use it for dairy, if you are really wondering. Its really made a difference in our lives. Still no cleaning lady, having a hard time with that one.

That and the frozen pizza and chocolate ice cream. The chocolate ice cream especially has been a life saver. Did you know that Ben and Jerry's is cheaper than Haagen Dasz? And Eden eats the pizza!!! That enough is something to celebrate.

I HEART America

2009-01-20T20:59:00.002+02:00

Can't help it. I'll always be an American, and will always tear up at a Presidential inauguration and the national anthem.
I really cried through the entire thing - I think Eden was a little weirded out. Oh well, she will learn that we cry at these things.
That lady poet wasn't much, they don't make great poets anymore I suppose. But that reverend - couldn't have asked for anything better.

Most of all, I was proud to watch a historical event for free on my computer with my dearest husband and three year old daughter. Who doesn't know yet how much the things that are happening now mean for her life.

Ben and Bethami's Musings

2009-01-04T21:52:00.002+02:00

Sitting here tonight, not feeling too great, provides time for Ben and I to talk, as opposed to doing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning up, work. We read together, joke, read blogs and news over eachothers shoulders.
Our findings:

There can be deep meaning in Douglas Adams. I knew this before, apparently its something new to Ben. Hooray for Gold spouses convinced! Hat tip to the other Gold in-law. Hamevin Yavin.

One of the good things about our parenting is that we aren't really addicted to TV, we have Shabbat, and we have only one child. We have a lot of time to talk about our days, Eden's day, analyze, criticize, and improve. I don't know how people do it when they don't have Shabbat, watch extraordinary amounts of TV, or have 3 under 5. Since most people we know have one out of the three, and most people we know are also really great parents, I suppose that everyone must find a way to do it well.

The picture on jpost of the soldier killed today in Gaza, St.- Sgt. Dvir Emanuelof is a really great one. He looks like a wonderful person and we are mourning his death tonight.

We have two close friends waiting to give birth - my friend triLcat and Ben's sister. Those happy waitings mixed with the dreadful waiting coming from Gaza makes for some mighty waiting this month.

Found a blog written by someone who says about themselves, "I am a hard-to-define Orthodox Jew." Haven't you just defined yourself now? Aren't you an Orthodox Jew? If that's not a label, I don't know what is. Bloggers are funny - don't we all over-analyze ourselves in our little bios?

What did you find the last time you sat with your SO/best friend?

Prayer

2008-12-31T06:48:00.002+02:00

Praying now for all the families in the south of Israel, including my own family there, the kids I know in the army, and the kids I don't, and the miluimnikim that might get called up at any time.

Praying for our own city of Modiin, and the ganim that are now required to have a security guard at all times.

Praying for the families without heat or hot water in these cold rainy days.

Praying that the rain this year is sufficient.

This morning when I drove to work, it was cold, dark, and wet. May God bring us safely into sunshine, warmth, light, and peace.

Communism is the Opiate of the Masses

2008-12-28T20:19:00.002+02:00

Every day on my way home from work, I pass by, in true Israeli advertising fashion, 2 or 3 billboards by the HOT cable company (Heb/Rus only). They all say (approx. translation) "We need revolutionaries!" There is a picture on the side of Che Guevara, in an earpiece. Apparently, they need customer service representatives, people who are going to reinvent the meaning of Israeli customer support. (Job hunting? Take note, revolutionaries!)
What strikes me as funny every single day is that its simply not true. They don't want support personnel of the likes of Che. He would murder all the management. It gets me every day, and someday I am going to pull over and photograph it and post it here. Its completely twisted.
Ben and I talk about things like this often. I knew he would have a good one on the Che billboards - and he does. Che Guevara would be rolling over in his grave if he knew that his face was being used in Israel to sell cable television. Cable television! And with an earpiece on!
Israel is not the only place to do something stupid like this. Benicio del Toro, when accepting his "Best Actor" award for Che, dedicated it all to Che. Which is kind of funny, seeing as someone like Che himself would have mowed Del Toro down, together with the rest of Hollywood. I don't think he treated artists very nicely.
I'll never forget the day we saw someone in the mall wearing a Mao Zedong t-shirt. It really got Ben angry and he went up to him and told him off for wearing a shirt with the face of someone who killed 60 million people. And we mourn our 6 million in Europe! The guy didn't know what he was talking about. "Who is Mao? A Chinese dictator? My girlfriend bought it for me."
That's all. The man who killed 60 million is now just "a Chinese dictator" - doesn't matter very much.
It takes a little while to realize that it really doesn't mean anything. The billboards are just saying - we need something different. Perhaps the movie tries to say a variety of different things, but at the end of the day, it wants to sell tickets. The t-shirts - just making money for some guy with a stand in the Tel Aviv Central Bus Station.
I wonder that Communism is really kind of dead in our little end of the world - so dead that its turned into Pop Culture. Its kind of cool, in the way that JNCOs once were. So dead, that when people far to the left of center try and spread the wealth too much, they don't really remember what they are asking for. Maybe we should try and take it a little more seriously.
Anyone for sending letters of complaint to HOT and the media?

20 of the World's Most Beautiful Libraries

2008-12-28T09:30:00.003+02:00

A friend sent this to me, and I only wish the photos were higher quality.
My fav is the Rijkmuseum Library, Amsterdam. How long would it take you to climb those stairs? I have a real fear of heights but suppose it might be tamed in the presence of so much information.

Volunteering - hmm

2008-12-24T22:03:00.002+02:00

The company I work for does a great deal of volunteering work - which I think is great. I think its great that the company provides opportunities to volunteer in areas that are close to us, both physically (like in the neighborhood over) and otherwise (ideologically? theoretically? intellectually?)
That said, I don't feel behooved at all to take part and I wonder if that's not the way its supposed to be. Am I supposed to feel pressured to take part in a project just because my department is supporting it? Does our workplace come into our lives so much so that it dictates how we volunteer our time? And is it selfish that I want to keep that time to myself - and is it so bad to be that selfish? Am I purposely setting myself outside of the company culture - and is that ok?
Don't get me wrong - I'm not against helping out in the community. Although I will say that when it comes to working with complete strangers, I'd much rather cut them a check. Especially with children - I'm not so great with children. I treat my own more like an adult that I probably should. Well, and disabled adults, or adults that are mentally or emotionally disturbed, which is usually the groups of people you work with when you volunteer.
Agreed that these are great projects, even necessary, one might say. But not every time do I have to say, "Well if no one else will do it, I suppose I will."
People always complain that they never have time for themselves. I do like to make time for myself, and reserve time for myself, and I don't think that I should be ashamed to say it. It's not selfish, its healthy.
Volunteering should make you feel good - this type of thing never does make me feel good. I mean, I would love to volunteer, lets say - at a charity gift shop where you get to see all sorts of cool used stuff. Or at the Jewish Agency Archives - whoo hooo! That's my retirement "job".
I think I'll leave the dealing with children and strange adults to those who get more out of it. Hope that's ok.

That said - one of my favorite Ani Difranco quotes is:
'cause i know the biggest crime
is just to throw up your hands
say
this has nothing to do with me
i just want to live as comfortably as i can
you got to look outside your eyes
you got to think outside your brain
you got to walk outside you life
to where the neighborhood changes

Something to think about. How do I incorporate this into my life?

You Don't Have to be Rich to be Orthodox

2008-12-20T20:26:00.002+02:00

Or you didn't use to, at least.

Hear, Hear.

Not So Unfulfilled

2008-12-18T13:38:00.005+02:00

I thought I'd have done so little of these, but actually, am not too bad.

I stole this from Rachel You copy the list and then color the ones you've done.

The ones I'm sure about I painted purple and the ones I'm not sure about are green.

1. Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland/world
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang/played a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables.
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run (are you kidding??!!)
32. Been on a cruise (not a long one, but a dinner cruise)
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors (I suppose this depends what you mean by ancestors. I've been to Jerusalem, but never to White Russia.)
35. Seen an Amish community (not a community, but I've asked a guy in a buggy in Amish country for directions to the nearest gas station)
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business (I won't count my husbands.)
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Gotten flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Made a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee

Leave a comment to tell me you've posted yours!

Some things I've Noticed

2008-12-17T08:51:00.002+02:00

I think this blog is turning into a place where I muse about odd or semi-interesting things I've noticed. Or appreciate. I don't know if anyone else is interested....but hey that's the beauty of the internet. If you're interested, great. If not, reading blogs that are only semi-interesting is a great way to zone.

So thing #1 for today. I've recently been getting a lot of Linked-In connection requests. And the thing I always get a kick out of on these requests, is the option to say "I don't know this person". Meaning, you can either accept or reject the invite, or just plain say - "I don't know you." For some reason that really cracks me up. I'm always tempted to say "I don't know this person" just for kicks.

For example, my brother-in-law just Linked-me-In (can that be the verb for adding a contact on Linked-In? Similar to friending on Facebook? The spellchecker just caught both "friending" and Facebook. I wonder when that will stop. I just added it to my dictionary). Anyway, I think it would have been a riot if I'd said "I don't know you." Maybe not so nice, but still funny. For the record, I Linked-him-in. I'm just that nice.

Another thing I noticed (thing #2). Yesterday, I got the most unbelievable amount of Facebook Happy Birthday notes. Maybe somewhat believable, I don't know. Probably there are other people out there who have more. But I got a lot. I didn't know there were so many people that liked me so much to go out of their way to wish me a happy birthday! It made me feel really good, I kept checking it every half hour or so.

See, I see people's birthday notices on Facebook all the time, and hardly ever say Happy Birthday. I guess I'm not such a good Friend like that. I don't know, most of these are people that I hardly speak to, never see....or always see and I'll tell them happy birthday in person. Its nuts saying happy birthday to everyone you know - sometimes I have two or three birthdays a day! Or week! I just can't be bothered.

But yesterday really made an impression on me. These people hardly speak to me either, and never see me, and still they made the effort. Good for them, and perhaps it's time I started to also. If it made me feel so good, probably it would other people too.

Thing #3 to share: Yesterday, Eden told me that for my birthday, she would draw a picture of Mommy dressed as a clown because it would be very funny. I thought that was funny in itself. Less funny when she cried when the picture that Daddy (not Eden) drew of Mommy dressed as a clown didn't look too much like Mommy. Eden, we're not all portrait artists.

December 16th

2008-12-11T20:50:00.003+02:00

My birthday is in 5 days. I probably will not remember to post this then, so I'll do it now.
Check out what Wikipedia has to say about it.
Some of my favorites:

Events:

1653 - English Interregnum: The Protectorate - Oliver Cromwell becomes Lord Protector of the Commonwealth of England, Scotland and Ireland.
1707 - Last recorded eruption of Mount Fuji in Japan.
1773 - American Revolution: Boston Tea Party - Members of the Sons of Liberty disguised as Mohawks dump crates of tea into Boston harbor as a protest against the Tea Act.

Births:

1485 - Catherine of Aragon, Queen of England (d. 1536)
1770 - Ludwig van Beethoven, German composer (d. 1827)
1775 - Jane Austen, English writer (d. 181
1901 - Margaret Mead, American anthropologist (d. 1978)

And a very happy birthday to my friends and family who also have birthdays this month. December is a great time for a birthday!

Feel free to add your own. What's special about your birthday (other than you of course)?

Some new ideas

2008-12-10T20:39:00.002+02:00

I've been following the story told at Orthonomics about the teachers in the Lakewood school who are on strike because they weren't getting paid, and have read most of the comments. (I don't have the time to read through over too many comments on a single blog topic, even if I do think its interesting.)

Having some intimate knowledge of these things on the side of the not getting paid, or not getting paid on time, this is a topic that speaks home, and in my mind, demands change.

Even in Israel, yeshiva prices are not cheap. Here, schooling is funded by the state, but that only accounts for the very basics - maybe 4-5 hours of school a day? For a kid to be in a dual curriculum school for a full long day (until 3-4 PM), parents need to chip in extra. And from what I hear from my friends with bigger kids, high schools with good quality religious and secular education are hard to come by, and usually are more private than public, even many times requiring their students to board during the week. And the teachers still strike when the rest of the country does.

Anyway, one of the commenters back at Orthonomics mentioned the possibility of kids going to public school, with an after school Talmud Torah. This is the way Orthodox kids used to get their religious education in the US (sorry no sources here, I've got enough time to write, not to do research). Again, as mentioned, it didn't really work - many of those kids grew up to give up kashrut and kippot, Shabbat and Simchat torah, keeping only the basics of Pesach and Yom Kippur. But does that mean that its a failed experiment? What if we tried it again? This time around, you wouldn't be chased down the streets with stones for wearing your kippa to school - I've known kids who do, who are the only kids in their class who do. And these kids would not be. Most likely, some classes might even have a majority of Orthodox kids. It would not be uncool, and might even let in a spirit of openness, understanding, and tolerance that is sorely missing in Orthodox communities.

Possibly this is something that could just save the next generation of US Orthodoxy. I say lets give it a try.

We should try it in Israel too. Like all good American ideas, it will probably get here about 10 years later.

Bug Stories

2008-11-29T20:38:00.003+02:00

I'm getting a bug. Actually 2 - For about a week and a half now, I've been coming down with a cold. Does that make it that I already have a cold, just a small one? Will it get worse and blossom into a full blow cold?

Also I'm getting a party bug. I've got this itch to have a party. It happens every now and then. We've got this great roof that is perfect for it, and although its a bit cold up there now, it doesn't really rain (not a good thing really), and wouldn't it be so much fun to rent those heaters like they have in outdoor restaurants! The heat from them is so cozy.

It may have something to do with the holiday spirit in the air. Thanksgiving has come and gone (twice! One with local family and one with non-local family. By non-local, I mean down a few exits on the highway, not across an ocean. Local is down the street.) Hanukkah is on its way - you can tell by the donuts that Roladin makes (my fav place to go out for a work-lunch), including pistachio, arak, and coconut. Also my birthday - did I mention that its in a month? I like birthdays, and even though this isn't a particularly big one, it makes for fun times.

And one good real bug story. Yesterday while cleaning upstairs, I noticed a dead beetle. We get them sometimes. At least it wasn't a roach, which - Thank God! - we've never had in this apt. Anyway it was really big, like half the size of my thumb. I decided I was going to sweep it up no matter how gross it was. Because I'm independent and I can do these things. But really, I couldn't. I just. Could. Not. Get. Close. I even screeched. No, really I screamed, it was that gross.

So Ben came to get it for me of course, grumbling all the way on what a big deal I was making out of it. Eden of course came up to see what was the matter, and he showed her the bug, and how cool it was underneath. Last year she would have been very interested! But now, of course, she's a big girl, and she knows better. We girls scream at bugs. So she dutifully said, "Ew, Daddy, take it away! I don't like that! Daddy! Ew!" Good for you, Eden. Remember - one important reason for getting married is to have someone committed to getting the bugs for you.

New lows?

2008-11-25T22:15:00.003+02:00

For dinner tonight, Ben and I had cold cuts, french fries, and peas.

Eden had string cheese, apple juice, corn flakes and ketchup (No milk - yes, ketchup ON the corn flakes. Her idea.), and and one chocolate covered raisin.

How much ketchup do you put on cornflakes? Do you drown them, like in milk? Or are they a kind of a dip? What if the cornflakes are towards the bottom of the box and are kind of crumbly?

Do I feel better about the single raisin or worse because it was chocolate covered?

My First Meme

2008-11-25T21:52:00.003+02:00

Whoo Hoo! You know you're truly part of a blogosphere when you get tagged in a meme, and not just take one when someone says "Consider yourself tagged if you'd like to be."

So, here it is! I got tagged by my good friend triLcat. While the subject matter is somewhat boring and reminiscent of office ice breaker games, she came up with some good ones.
Here goes. Sometimes I take myself too seriously.

Here are the rules:
1. Link to your tagger and list these rules on your blog.
2. Share 7 facts about yourself, some random, some weird.
3. Tag 7 people (if possible) at the end of your post by leaving their names as well as links to their blogs.
4. Let them know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their blogs.

=======
Seven things about me:

I am so much of a control freak that I wouldn't let Ben surprise me with a marriage proposal and a ring.
I also hate surprise parties, although I'd secretly love Ben to throw one for my birthday (in less than a month, hint hint!) But only if he was sure that I'd LOVE it. So I can settle for something slightly less challenging.
While that may sound a little scary and off-putting, I generally consider myself pretty open minded and accepting, when it comes to other people. I think I'm accepting of some things that others wouldn't stand for. Some people reading this may disagree, and this does not apply in some specific situations, only generally.
Growing up, I never wanted to be a mom, and I hated babysitting.
I wanted to study art academically.
In high school, I collected quotes on my binders, written in white out pen.
I really really really miss some of my old friends. If you're out there, I'm sorry that we are so out of touch that we don't really understand each other anymore.

People I tag:
No one.

Sorry to break the link, people. I hate chain letters and I feel terrible for passing them on. If you'd like to take this meme, feel free. If you are new to blogging and no one has tagged you in a meme yet, please take this one.

Reading this over again, I also realized that very few of these things are actual facts, and are more just impressions of myself. Oh well, its a fact that I feel a certain way. Take that.

Some thoughts on living remotely

2008-11-24T12:21:00.002+02:00

Check out Bedlam Farm's Brooklyn pictures. He comments on how far away he is from everything at his farm in upstate NY, and how he is struck by the options people have at their fingertips in the city. Advantage of driving an hour and a half to get to anything: He gets to listen to a lot of music.

True that - people who do a lot of driving, or a lot of traveling for that matter, whether by train, car, or foot, and listen to music while doing so, have a great advantage. I listen to music all the time in the car, I need it to keep me awake. But I do admit that I could have a better selection. For ease of use, I just keep it on galgalatz, whose choices may be less than ideal. Ideally, I'd have it linked to one of those internet radio stations that keeps dynamic, depending on what you tell it that you like. That would be fun.

A part of me would love to live out in the middle of nowhere, but I do need my life at my fingertips. I like that my dr, pharmacy, medical center, dentist are all down the street, in addition to a great kiosk that has even recently been supplying fruits and vegies! Thats cool. The mall is a 10 min walk. And my friends - well some are just around the corner. For others, I have Facebook.

No System, No System At All

2008-11-13T20:31:00.003+02:00

I have no toy system. There I've said it, I'm sorry to say that I have absolutely no system for cleaning up Eden's toys. Most of the rest of the house, there is at least a system, even if it doesn't always work. But toys - I am at a loss.

We have books, and hair-clips, and shoelaces, and blocks, and little people spread all over the living room. I guess we don't really have a playroom to dump all these things in, but I wouldn't really want Eden playing in there anyway, I like it when she plays in the living room, where we play too. And most of the time I just cannot bear to make her clean it up every night before she goes to bed - no actually its almost never that I do. Either she has built some beautiful castle. Or her kitchen is just such a mess, it takes just as much time to clean up as mine does. And her crayons and cuttings and scissors and glue - they are just such a staple that it seems a shame to put away, because they are so easy for her to pick up and do by herself. Actually, also, when we put those things away, we usually throw them away, and she can't bear to throw them away. I have to do it later, after she's long forgotten that she's ever made them.

An aside - (I know I keep mentioning this, but hey its my right) her artistic creations are really quite nice. She's got talent. So its hard for me to throw them away too. But you just cannot keep all the things that a 3 year old makes. Its a problem, with an especially creative 3 year old. We just threw out the "slippers" she made in gan for Yom Kippur.

She uses hair clips to connect ribbons and shoelaces, because she can't tie knots yet.

Her toys and books actually do all have homes, in her room. Funnily enough she cannot go to sleep with anything on the floor in her room, or anything out of place in her room - even a closet door not closed - so its easier for any mess to stay out of the room. And I'd prefer to have her eat, bathe, and get to sleep before collapsing than make her clean her mess up.

Hence, the lack of system, and the big piles of children's books, toy kitchen supplies, ribbons connected by hair clips, stuffed animals, fake jewelry, and other such treasures currently piled up, blocking the corner of my beautiful breakfront. I'm just happy I have somewhere to put my feet on the floor, but I do wish they would get put away more often.

We Voted!

2008-11-11T18:08:00.002+02:00

That is, Eden, Ben, and I. This is only the 2nd time I've ever voted in Israel. Its pretty antiquated, but that's OK. No voting machines here - human error all the way!

I thought it would be a good experience in civil duty for Eden, so we spoke about it a lot. Like how the mayor (no not her friend Meir, but mayor, as in Rosh Hair) was like a gannenet, except that everyone in the city gets to choose the gannenet. (please no jokes about nanny states)
And how voting was like, if she and another friend wanted to go on the swings, but a third wanted to go on a slide, they got to go on the swings because 2 is more than 1. We do math and civics together here.

She was pretty excited about it - it was apparently the first thing she asked about this morning. And aside from the screaming all the way home because she wanted to go to ANOTHER school too, it was fun.

I remember going with my mom once to vote when I was young. It's empowering, its important, and it feels good to teach her about democracy.

I love the rain!!!

2008-10-27T20:07:00.003+02:00

I love the rain. Not really so much in February, when everyone is sick of winter and wants to go to the beach already, but now, in October. I'm sitting with the window open listening to the rain on our porch and it is just the most delicious sound I have ever heard.

Me loving the rain is I think one of the reasons why I have this blog. Most people would grow tired of hearing about how much I love the rain quite quickly. Here I can express it to my hearts content (since my readership is close to nil anyway), and not worry that I'm boring anyone. If you're bored, you'll browse away. Just come back soon please.

More boring information - we had a terrific dinner tonight. Ben suggested we use up our stovetop chicken and veggies in a tomato sauce over shells. Such a great idea, and it tasted really good. We had peas and baby corn and onions, as well as lots of yummy chicken juice.

And....we got some of our posters framed!! Ben and I as singles were both really big on posters, still love art, our house is covered with it. And we have some really terrific posters that we always hung, but never framed, because it just was never in the budget. I mean, frames? Who has money for that? We just hung them without the frames. But now, after painting, we really didn't want to make holes in the wall if we were just going to move them later, so we decided not to put anything up until it had a frame on it. So we framed our Dali's Aliah, our Zeev Raban's Come to Palestine, and our Monet's San Giorgio Maggiore at Sunset. The Monet Ben bought on our first date (not for me, I just helped him pick it out), so it holds a special place in our hearts.

There is something about framing our posters that makes me feel like - this is it. We're here, we've made it. Money comes and money goes, but if we can feel comfortable enough to frame our posters, we are doing all right.

So Thank God for rain, Thank God for frames. And Thank God for Ben's chicken recipes.

Eden and Her Music

2008-10-26T21:36:00.003+02:00

I think that sometimes its hard to think of little kids as anything but bits of mom and bits of dad. Sometimes I find myself watching Eden and thinking - wow, that's just like me, or that's just like Ben. And I'm surprised when she does things that are totally herself. Actually, now that I think of it, I rarely see things that are totally herself, I see Ben's parents in her, especially now that she spends so much time with them. I see my own parents, and even my grandparents in her.
For example, she's got a smile that comes straight from my Bubbe, and it warms my heart to see it.

And the other night, when she wanted to show me a picture she had drawn, I told her to bring it here. She said, no, you come here. We both stretched and only just could not reach each other. She learned that I can out-stubborn her, even if I am perhaps the only person that can. I've got 22 years of stubbornness on her, and its going to be a long time until she truly wins a staring contest.*

That all probably ought to change, and soon. But in the meantime, one thing that she gets from Ben is his music. He listens to the nuttiest music! Aside from the regular GD, Phish (both of which he listened to non-stop for the first 2 years of our marriage, utterly ruining my music appreciation), Dylan, DMB, regular-kinds-of-things, he's got Tyrannosaurus Rex, Skip Spence, Artcic Monkeys, Anthony and the Johnsons, Carla Bruni, Beirut, Love, My Morning Jacket, Songs-Ohia, and Spain. Oh, and must include The Thermals also. I never listen to any of these, unless he's in the room and puts it on.

I keep to my angry-bitch music, like prolific Ani Difranco and calming Tracy Chapman, and the ever easy, companionable Gal-Gal-Galatz.

I also love Wikipedia :)

Eden's not so big any of my music, and prefers T-Rex and especially dancing to Phish. We are all musical products of our parents music. I wonder what she will listen to when she gets older?

* I do let her win every now and then. It helps keep the thunder at bay.

Saba Tuvia for Mayor!

2008-10-25T20:03:00.003+02:00

Its election fever here in Modiin, and almost every building has at least one campaign sign hanging from a porch gate.
One candidate, Doron Shuldenfrei, happens to look somewhat similar to one of Eden's favorite DVD characters - Saba Tuvia.

See for yourself -
Saba Tuvia:Doron:
Ok, so really, they are only just both bald with glasses. But in the dark, looking from the street to a sign that's three stories up, to our 3 year old its the same person.

Needless to say, Eden would now also like a "Saba Tuva" sign swinging from our porch!

And imagine if we had Saba Tuvia running our city council!

I wonder how many other parents of 3 yr olds here wonder the same thing....

Some More Bits on Schools

2008-10-16T16:19:00.002+02:00

The holidays have allowed me time for reading, surfing, blogging. There is still lots to clean up, but we are just going to make a mess again over the next Shabbat-Hag-Shabbat, so I might as well clean it somewhat before Shabbat - why now?

Just read a post at adderabbi, who happens to live here in Modiin, about Chareidi teachers, such as Eden's. He's right - the best and the brightest don't go into medicine or law, they go into teaching. Which is fine with me, except that we risk raising another generation of Chareidi leaning children.

But, as Ben says, if you never teach your child shtuss, they will never learn to question.

Was discussing ganim with some friends, where I found that in the regular city ganim, only the boys are chazanim also, so it's not only Eden's Chareidi gan. Which made me feel better about her relative education, but leaves me questioning the system in general. Not that the system here differs that much idealogically than center-right Orthodox education worldwide. I wonder what sort of an effect leading group prayers has a on a child. What if I had been allowed to daven for the ammud in 5-8th grade? Points to ponder.

Nature or Nurture?

2008-10-15T18:17:00.001+02:00

Overheard from downstairs:
Eden: "But I don't like the grilled cheese."
Ben: "Well then what would you like to eat?"
Eden: "I don't know."
Ben: "Let's go look in the fridge."
Eden: "I need to make a list."

Have a problem that needs a solution? Make a list!

Moments like this make me proud.

In an Alternate Life

2008-10-14T22:00:00.002+02:00

Job opp advertised on the nefeshbnefesh email list. Once upon a time, I trained as a librarian, and if I had a different life, different family, different social, financial, and personal needs, I might have made this a realistic goal. At the moment, I can only dream and keep at my technical writing, which fulfills a good amount of my actual social, financial, and personal needs. Oh, and be grateful for what I have instead of wishing for what I don't.

The National Library of Israel

The Book and Paper Conservation Department

Job opening

Senior Book Conservator

Responsibilities include:

- Providing condition assessments, identifying appropriate preservation and conservation treatments, and undertaking the documentation, conservation treatment, and housing of the material
- Assisting in the preparation of exhibitions of a wide range of paper objects, early prints and manuscripts from the Library's Rare Collections and Archives
- Working in tandem with other members of the preservation, conservation, exhibition, photography, and imaging units within the Library and outside it.
- Contributing to conservation surveys, and together with the Curators and the Head of the Conservation Department, establishing conservation priorities and treatment strategies for the collections.
- Additional duties may include assisting with the implementation of preservation programs such as the education of patrons, monitoring environmental controls, integrated pest management, emergency preparedness and response.

Required Qualifications:

- A Masters Degree or certificate in Conservation and a minimum of five years working experience in a museum or library, or a combination of equivalent formalized advanced training and experience in the conservation of books and paper materials.

- The ability to work independently, as well as with a team, good decision-making and problem-solving skills.

- Strong interpersonal, oral and written communication skills.

- Good computer skills.

- High level of proficiency in English. Knowledge of Hebrew is necessary.

Full time position. Salary commensurate with qualifications, and experience.

Applications will be accepted no later than 1/01/2009

Send resume and relevant certificates stating the position no. 08/15 to:

The National library of Israel

Human resources Dept., P.O.Box 39105, Jerusalem 91390

Have You Seen Me Lately

2008-10-12T19:43:00.004+02:00

Because I haven't.....
I've been feeling under the weather, not feeling myself really. This morning I decided that I couldn't face 6 AM traffic and that I'd work at home. I ended up sleeping in until 7:30. Mmm... good times.

I've also been busy. I found the one shoemaker in Modiin - hooray!! - whose store is around the corner from Eden's gan, and I've taken all my shoes that have needed fixing over the past year. I'm so excited for shoes! He actually tried to convince me to buy new ones, since they were cheap boots anyway, but I told him no way. I'm sick of shopping for clothes. That does not say that I do not need more clothes, just that I'm sick of looking for them.

The Shabbat-Hag-Shabbat-Hag-Shabbat-Hag-Shabbat-Hag (it does seem to go on forever doesn't it) leaves us alternately rushing to prepare and sleeping and hanging out in the park all afternoon being lazy. Eden has moved from her "Guess what Eden, tonight its Hag/Shabbat, and we're going to Shul!" - "Again?!?" to "Why?"
Why what Eden, why are we going to shul? Why is it Hag or Shabbat? We've been ducking out on the shul at some points, I can understand why someone would have enough of it.

We put up some more art on the wall, makes us love the house a little more. Curtains are still, yes still, yet to come. Frames too.

Eden came home from gan today with terrific sukkah decorations. We hung them and made some more. Thanks to gans and kids, I plan on our sukkah getting better and better every year.

I think of some great blog posts a few times a day, but never remember them later. This is one of those times that I'm not remembering them later, andso I'm just sharing a stream of conciousness. Thanks for stopping by and Shana Tova :)

Flipping Through

2008-10-03T08:33:00.002+03:00

My new surfing technique is to click the little "Next Blog" link at the top of blog pages. I'm tired of Slate, the local Modiin list, and the variety of other pages I read when I waste time.

Many things not in English, but even on those there are some nice pictures from places all over the world. Some languages I can't begin to recognize. In fact the majority are NOT in English. Most are in an Asian language.

I read a post, look at pictures. Read About Mes.

Check out these coasters. I'd like to have them, if I lived different life and had a different sort of house and family.

My heart rises at photography like Jon R's. A lot of people probably think these are boring but I like them. Once upon a time I dabbled in photography myself. If I ever have the time and money, I'd love to do it again. And I'd have a photography blog, with my best photos of the day.

I came to the EvilPig's blog twice in 10 minutes of Next Blog-ing, so I'm not sure how great this function is really. I couldn't read it of course, and also wasn't so impressed with the graphics. Although I suppose I'm not one to talk, never having graphics myself here. I also came to Custom Paper Toys twice, and although I can read it and the pictures are nice, it looked too boring to even read the first post.

dance as though no one is watching you, love as though you have never been hurt before, sing as though no one can hear you, live as though heaven is on earth. -souz

That's a quote I would have doodled on my notebook in high school in white out pen. It sounds pretty, so it doesn't matter whether you understand it or agree with it.

Now - on to my Friday list. Shabbat Shalom and Shana Tova to all.

P.S. Not wasting time was not one of my New Year's resolutions this year. I cannot bear to give it up.