Project Forgiveness

Sometimes I read a blog because I know the person in real life, like them and what they have to say.
Sometimes, when I read a blog, I may have no clue who they are in real life, but really like what they have to say.
Sometimes, when I read a blog, I may have no clue who they are in real life, somewhat like what they have to say, but really really really like how they say it.

One such blog in this 3rd category is Project Forgiveness. Tomorrow is Rosh Hashana. How many of us think seriously about what we are sorry for this year? How many of us think so seriously that we ask eachother for forgiveness?

Years ago, I had a serious argument with someone I was once quite close with. We had both changed, and the people we had become no longer got along, or even really understood eachother. I received a call a few Rosh Hashana's ago from this friend, asking for my forgiveness. This friend told me that they weren't sure what had gone wrong, and was part of a group that was bringing them closer to religion, and that the group had resolved to ask their friends for forgiveness seriously. And would I forgive them for the hurt they had caused.

This request for forgiveness may have been sincere. It really may have been. I couldn't help feeling that there was something missing though. It was probably wrong, but I gave my forgiveness, even though I'm not sure I truly forgave until much later. I've had thoughts about calling and finally being truthful - I hadn't forgiven you, it didn't seem right. I said that I forgave you because I didn't want to bring it up again. You didn't know what went wrong, it didn't seem worthwhile telling you. I didn't have the heart to say during Tishrei that I hadn't forgiven you. (For what its worth, I do think that I have forgiven this person, finally. Its an accomplishment.)

How would we ask for forgiveness from our loved ones - or not loved ones! What a thought! - if we knew that they would not respond except to say yes or no. Or perhaps not even at all. What if we had a chance only to express that we were sorry, without opening old wounds. Without having to see them the next day, knowing that they saw you differently. Without opening new wounds - what if the person never knew that you had wronged them in this way? We are social beings and must interact to communicate. Communication involves a give and take. But what if it didn't? What if you could just say - I'm sorry. For all these things. Specific things. Don't respond, just hear me. I'm sorry.

Most cultures have a tradition of looking forward to the new year. New Year's Resolutions - how will I do better this year? Judaism says, you cannot know how you can do better this coming year without knowing what you might have done better with this past year. Its not really about losing the 5 lbs for good, finding that job, getting married, getting pregnant. Those are obvious things that we will or will not do anyway. Instead, how could I have been better to my spouse, my children, my extended family? How might I have been more sensitive to the people around me? What did I learn from this years mistakes? How could I be better to myself?

First, to acknowledge how we fell short. To be truly sorry for them, and to say - this year I'm going to fix this. Next year, maybe I will still be 5 lbs too heavy, still single, still in the same dull job, (hopefully in this day of medical miracles, not still childless), but I will not have to be sorry for these same things.

The first thing I'm sorry for is not writing one of these of my own yet. Rosh Hashana is tomorrow night and I've got to get to it.

I HEART Eden's Pre-School

You heard right. After 3 years in 2 different day-cares, we've finally found the one I've been waiting for her whole life. Granted, its a pre-school, not a day-care. And I go back and forth between not wanting to talk too soon and being grateful for what I have, when I have it. Realist that I am, I know that it may not always seem as wonderful as it does now.
Because it does now seem wonderful. Its a small class, with attentive teachers. Even the afternoon teacher, who I had understood was going to be little more than a babysitter, is terrific. At 5 PM she does not leave them to freely play inside or outside while she chills out. Instead she is still sitting with the kids, coloring, helping them build towers, all with a great deal of patience and very visible love. She disciplines through positive reinforcement (as far as I've seen) and it works, and works well. She knows just what Eden's eaten for lunch (no vegies ever) and when she's last gone to the bathroom.
Parents comments have found receptive ears. We've done away with the 4 PM chocolate sandwiches, instead having peanut butter and date spread. We asked not to give the kids cookies or candy before leaving, and they stopped. We even asked for them to change their prayer routine a little bit to include the girls more, and I believe that they will take our advice and find a way to do so. (Not my ideal solution but it is an ultra-orthodox preschool and there is only so much we can ask for on that end. As long as I know that Eden doesn't feel left out, I don't mind. At the moment she still says the bracha on tzitzit even though she doesn't wear them.)
We asked for healthier lunches and should be getting them. We asked for some more advanced activities, and got English and Art Appreciation once a week, alternating weeks. At age 3! My kid gets to learn about Monet and Van Gough from an expert in art and early childhood education.
And during her first week, she came home with artwork centered around the topic "Always start with the smile". That's the way we've started the year, and I can't ask for more.

Kids Don't Eat Green Food

A few years ago, Heinz came out with green and purple ketchup. We tried it, it was interesting. Odd eating green ketchup.
Now I'm thinking that maybe green ketchup isn't such a bad idea. I'd like to get Eden in the habit of eating green foods.
We are getting a little bit repetitious and boring in our dinners. The vegies that Eden will eat include broccoli, corn, and peas. Nothing more, nothing less. So that's what I make and that's what I serve. We are all getting a little bored of it. I think I hit rock bottom the other day when I thought I could serve pancakes with a spinach sauce. Eden and Ben ended up eating the pancakes with peanut butter (Eden stuck a few peas on hers). I didn't think the spinach was that bad, but oh well.
Honestly, she would be happy with 2 bowls of cereal, a pbj, and a vanilla yogurt every day. Oh and a vitamin and a cookie.
Why does her eating habits (or lack thereof) drive me nuts? My mom said I did not eat vegies until I was 9 or so. My mother in law says I should leave her alone and offer healthy things and she will take what she needs, and I shouldn't give her a complex. Eden gets her vitamin daily, and she does love fruit. I'm concerned about the percentage of sugar and fats in her diet and I know that I should probably shut up about it. I think that Ben sees my point of view but thinks I need to chill out. Her gannenet says that none of the other kids eat the veggies at lunch - with the exception of one or two.
I go back and forth. I'm all for letting Eden take what she needs and not driving her crazy. I want to make dinner time a fun time, a family time, not a stressful time for all of us. And I suppose I have this fairy tale idea that its my job to make the dinner and every one else's job to eat it.
And Eden is just the most wonderful little girl to love, and is a terror to force something on. It breaks my heart when she cries, but it also makes me angry when she won't eat.
It's probably all wrapped up in something deeply psychological, having to do with a mixture of my own childhood, working mommy guilt, her being an only child, environmental pressures, and the fact is that she is as stubborn as I am, and often quite creative.
Note: I find it a point of progress that I am able to laugh at the pancakes and spinach and am proud of said progress.

I Suppose I'm Israeli - Political Warning

I suppose there comes a time in every oleh/olah's life where they realize, wow, I'm really not American/Canadian/British/Anywhereelseian anymore. I must be Israeli. And then there is just no going back.
That moment happened this weekend for me, when it hit me that I'm terribly conflicted as to who to vote for in the coming US election. My first instinct is "who is good for the Jews/Israel". On that note, I would definitely have to vote Republican. Israel has had one of its strongest friends in Pres. Bush, and I believe that it would continue to do so in a McCain/Palin administration. In the end, I think that this is the only thing that matters for me.
Except that I'm not a conservative. I never have been. I'm for minority rights, I'm pro-choice, pro-alternate marriage. Ok, I'm an economic conservative, but a social liberal. And I know, I know that you cannot listen to all that you read, but I like to read online magazines, and they are now all filled with all sorts of smut about the candidates that drives me nuts. Particularly the stuff about Palin.
I have to admit that I don't like Palin personally. She may be a great politician (if I liked her politics), but I just don't like the choices that she's made. Perhaps its Mommy Guilt coming over me, but there is just no woman who is a super-woman. You cannot do it all, and do it all well. You just can't have a big and young family and be second-in-command at the same time. I'm sure that her husband is as supportive as can be, and I'd like to think that I'd say this of a man in the same situation. I just feel that being a mom to a disabled child is a full time job (as is being a father!). I feel that a teenage girl whose pregnant needs her mom. And said mom will just not be able to be there for her children as much as she needs to be when she's on the campaign trail, and later serving in Washington. Again, I'd like to think I'd say the same if it was a man - these kids need their father too.
I guess I like my politicians focused on their jobs - keep the family side of it small. Leave the baby-making to people who don't have countrys to run.
But that's just personally. For some reason the McCain/Palin admin seems like it would be even further right than Bush's was. And I'd like to get some stem-cell research jumpstarted.

I'd like to interject here that I almost never ever ever speak politics except with my dearly loved. Whom I often disagree with, but love just the same. I don't feel the need to discuss it with anyone, and in this post it's really just a means to an ends.

Which is, that I don't feel really completely comfortable voting for either Obama or McCain. Because something about them bothers me - Obama's foreign politics and McCain domestic politics. And when I realized that, I realized that I had more in common with average Israelis than I did with average Americans.

Here, abortion is a bit of a non-issue. The workplace is family friendly - take mine for example. I have no problem taking off for a sick kid. None whatsoever. My boss took almost 2 consecutive weeks last year if not more when hers was sick. I work 6:30 -3:30. And none of this is suprising to anyone. Gay rights are a non-issue also, and we've had gay pride parades in our religious capital for a few years straight now. Education sucks, yes. The real estate market sucks, yes. Taxes suck big time. (I do think all of these issues will be moving somewhere...we need patience). And in the last Israeli election I also didn't really have a clear candidate to vote for, although I did have a party that I wanted to vote for. I wanted to vote Kadima, but thought that Olmert was a sleazy scumbag. (Boy was I right!) I would still vote Kadima, although Livni or Mofaz I can't say. I'm happy with Kadima's economic statements. Basically happy with their security statements, if not happy with their proven "successes". Happy in the direction that Kadima might take our country, which is more than I can say for either Republicans or Democrats in the US.

So I guess that a Jew who has no other place to go back to is finally Israeli. Its good to be home.

Go Here Its Important

http://muqata.blogspot.com/2008/09/getting-tough-israel-most-wanted.html

Judging from my site tracker, I don't think that my blog is particularly widely read. But this is worth a try - if you've seen these men, please let the rabbinate know.

I'm not a Soccer Mom or Welcome to Chug Mommy

Eden loves her new gan. On the way home yesterday, she told me, "Mommy, Racheli is nice" (Racheli is her new teacher). The afternoon teacher is also excellent. In the great tradition of gan, we don't hear very many details, aside from "Eden was wonderful today. She played so nicely." Or from Eden, "I had fun today. I played in the sand with Ariel and he went like *that* with the sand (hand going dramatically UP, so much so that you can see the sand flying in the sky) and it was in my eyes and I didn't cry because I'm a big girl and it was fun." Great Eden.

Oh and that she told her teacher that she has a baby brother named Amit at home. Also a winner.

The very fact that she comes home happy, is excited to go the next morning, and even tells me about things that she learns is really all I need.

It really helped that she went with 4 kids that she knew - 3 from her gan last year, and one from the neighborhood and shul. Two of them are her "best friends" - they've been good friends for 2 years of gan now, and it looks like they have at least another 2 years ahead of them. They will probably end up attending the same elementary schools as well. They play a lot at gan and visit after gan as well.

So to bring this post home a bit (I've been wandering) her two friends are taking a ballet chug together. We thought about signing Eden up for a chug (extracurricular class) this year, since this is the year that they start them, and a lot of her friends will be. Granted, I didn't know that her two friends were signing up, or maybe I would have thought differently, but we actually made a concious decision not to sign her up for anything.

I'm starting to get those bad parent feelings - am I depriving her of an early start on English by not signing her up for an English chug? Or on being in touch with her body for not signing her up for dance? Am I stimulating her enough for her age - will she be able to keep up with her peers who are all attending chugim this year? Will she be bored if she wants to play with a friend and we can't find any - because they are all at chugim? Is this really what is best for her?

Honestly, I have to say that I didn't completely have only her interests at heart - I was also thinking of me, and our little family. Its all I can do to come home ~5 ish, cook a decent supper, clean up a bit, have dinner together with Eden and Ben, spend time together and get Eden bathed and to bed before she falls apart. Sometimes I have time for a short errand, but it really depends on how we are all feeling, often we are all tired and hungry and a bit cranky. Sometimes I have to stay late at work and I have Ben or his mom pick Eden up. I really can't see myself to committing to being at a specific spot in the afternoon every week, or see us committing as a family to a weekly lesson after 5.

I don't remember doing anything of the sort when I was little. Granted, when I was Eden's age, I was in a very part time preschool, and was with my mom for the rest of the time. But when I was older, there was no going out after school, unless it was for school. After school was time for homework, supper, family. Time and place and situation have completely changed, but the idea really is foriegn to me.

Eden does often help me with supper - there's a "cooking chug" there. Sometimes we play with arts and crafts - another chug there. And sometimes (ok rarely, at least with me), we turn the music on loudly and dance together - there's her dance chug. Its all completely flexible, up to whatever the two of us feel like doing. We visit with friends. We've gone to the park. Sometimes we go shopping. All in all, we could call it Chug Mommy. Not so bad, I think.

Paying It Forward

Small happy story:

Last Thursday I went to the bathroom on my way out of work. Nice little factoid there.
On the sink was a man's wallet (I was in the handicapped bathroom - why is it that this is the first question everyone asks?).
It was actually really thick - lots of nice plastic and a good wad of cash also. I was in a rush to get home, but obviously I stopped at a coworker's desk and looked the guy up in the company address book. He was still on our floor and was very grateful that I had returned the wallet.
It was the simple and obvious thing to do, but it made me feel really good. How many times do you actually get to return a lost wallet? I felt like such a Mitzvah Girl.
Friday night, Ben and I were sitting after a satisfying Shabbat meal, and Ben noticed that one of the gold studs I wear in my ears was missing. Ben gave me a pair of gold studs and gold hoops when Eden was born and I've worn them almost every day since. So we were both pretty upset to find it missing, looked in all the obvious places and decided that it could have fallen out anywhere, any time, and we would most likely not see it again. It was a little sad.
Today (Sunday), I checked my email one more time just before I left work. One email said, "Anyone who is missing an earring, come see X." I thought, no way - can't be mine. But it was! It was the most amazing feeling and I was ever so ever so ever so grateful.
What was really terrific though was how it just matched up so well.

Little things to make you happy.

Ivrit B'Ivrit and Other Language Barriers

This week I attended a session sponsored by Nefesh b'Nefesh and the Modiin Ministry of Absorption on an introduction to the Israeli school system. Although I've been here for going on 9 years now, I still feel like the ever-newby when it comes to Eden's schooling. I'm just plain never in the loop and often I don't get it. So I figured - someone is offering information for free? I'll take two!
It was not totally what I expected. I was surprised to find myself one of the only people there (that I recognized) who'd been in Israel for longer than 3 years. Also one of the only, if not the only person who actually didn't have a kid already in the school system (Eden's a little young). I'd say the average person there had made aliyah sometime in the past 2 years, with 2-4 kids in school. Some made aliyah 3 weeks ago, have 3 kids in school, none of whom speak Hebrew. Or English. They start school next week and have less of a clue that I do. Clearly their questions took precedence over mine.
The major topic of discussion turned out to be bilingualism. How do you live in a Hebrew speaking country and still keep your kids English at a decent level - enough to speak to their grandparents, if not eventually academic enough to study anywhere they'd like? On the other hand, how do you give your kid a strong basis in the language of your country (the country that you chose) when it is not your own? Their proficiency in that language will affect how well they get along with other kids, how well they do in school, how critically they can write in Hebrew, all contributing to their adult sense of self.
Of course put two Jews in a room and you have three opinions, and we were all Jews here. Put two Jewish education professionals in a room and you have...more questions leaving than you had going in. Can we leave it up to the schools to give our kids Hebrew?
To put it a different way - is there any part of my kids education that I want completely left to the school system? Much less something so important as their language comprehension and composition skills?
I could go on and on and on about everything I heard and the new questions I have. What made the biggest impression on me is the realization that, although I speak in English every day, at work, at home, with friends, Hebrew is the language that I chose. Whether I like it or not, Hebrew will be more important for my kids than English. If at some point, I need to compromise, it will have to be the Hebrew that takes precedence. Maybe, my kids will all be the literary and linguistic geniuses I dream of, and will be able to handle both languages with ease. But if not, I will have to push the English gently, while realizing that Hebrew is the language of their world.

The other shocker is about how kids get to school in this country. They take a public bus! I'll be expected to put my 5 year old on a public bus all by herself! Ok, hopefully with other kids her age going to the same school as her. (That's a shout-out to our friend around the corner...) Thinking about it, I no longer think that limited cell phone plans for little kids is such a bad idea after all. Keep it on a string around your neck together with your key, my little latch-key darling.

God is a Working Mom

There are some things that you can try to control. Like what you eat for supper, what time you go to bed and wake up. Your children, sometimes.
Other things are completely up to - something else.

A couple months ago, a friend of ours announced that they had chicken pox. Being that we had spent the previous shabbat afternoon at their house, I was watching for spots on Eden for a week or so before I gave up. Which is just as well because a couple days ago, I noticed that she had more mosquito bits on her tummy than usual, and now she is completely covered.

I'm convinced that we must have done something really good at one point. Or simply that God is a Working Mom and understands that the only logical time for your child to get chicken pox is when said child is on vacation for a week from gan anyway. Furthermore, God must realize how difficult it is to take time off for my child's vacation when my vacation days are in the red, and has conveniently provided me with an excuse to log them as sick days.

Seriously, it couldn't be better. Not that I'm happy that she's "sick". That's "sick" because she has no fever, is just as energetic as ever, and is only a little bothered by the itchiness. We've popped her some pills for the itchiness, so now her spots are just something cool to look at. Maybe we'll play connect the dots with magic marker LOL.

To answer the ready question, no we did not get her vaccinated. I've had the virus twice, as has Ben (once as an adult!), so I feel that if the weakness for the virus is at all genetic, I'd like our kids to get it, get it good, and hopefully not ever get it again. Also until chickenpox is just as rare as polio and other past childhood diseases, I'd rather not keep her at risk by giving her a less than sure vaccine. Of my friends who've vaccinated their kids, most of their kids have still gotten it, although lightly.

So if anyone would like the virus, come and get it! Or if you've had it, please come and play! We will be a little bored, quarantined from the park and stores. We are stocking up on movies and art supplies.

May she live and be well.

~~Edit: Although this post may seem harsh and unfeeling, my heart really does go out to her, covered in awful red bumps, even if they aren't particularly itchy. I'm sure that she does feel somewhat under the weather, and we are making sure to give her lots of love. Just so you know.

Color Me Nervous

We are painting.
Well, not WE - the painters are painting. Downstairs, now, as we speak. Right now they are only doing ceilings but we closed on colors in like a 1/2 hour. Was that easy? Eh not so much, and im pretty nervous about it.....
Take a look (at http://www.myperfectcolor.com/ or any other paint site for that matter:) - Be aware that paint colors online are not what they may seem. At all. My computer doesn't match the paint cans at all. But if you are interested....

• Living room, dining room ("salon"): Snow White (OW201P)
• Master Bedrom: Half Snow White, Half Sweet Cream (7075P - a kind of yellowish)
• Eden's room: Blue Strata (1225P - light blue) on 3 walls, Snow White on one
  
• Mamad (the security room opposite Eden's that we hope to turn into another child's room) - Whispering Willow (2083P - pastel green) on 3 walls, Snow White on one
  
• Staircase area: Valley Smoke (4075P - tan)
• Office upstairs - half Valley Smoke and Snow White
• Kitchen - a problem. We originally chose Medford Green (3132T), but turns out it has too much blue in it. I read that kitchens shouldn't be blue because blue food is not good to eat (Ben will disagree.) Now instead we are going with Green Trail (3104T), but haven't gotten the new sample yet to approve it.

Any comments must only be positive since its already happening, not much turning back. I don't know how crazy we can drive this guy with the greens.

I mentioned in a previous post how nutty this week is, but I'll do it again now that we are here:

• Sunday - fast day. I slept, worked a little bit, watched The Lives of Others, then 2 tanach movies with Eden.
• Monday - thats today. Painters coming. Trying to work (as you can tell not right this second). Ben's parents also have guests in from the states, who are going with them to Jlem today. They are moving on Friday, and a water pipe in their apt burst this morning. Of course the landlord is blaming them. Somewhat. Its not completely clear to me. Still need to go out to transfer money into an Israeli account to pay for it. Did I mention that our account is in the middle of being switched? We thought the paint wouldn't be completed until the end of the week, at which time the account would all be in order. But since they will be finishing tomorrow, and our account is in limbo, we are using a check from Ben's parents instead. But we still need to make the transfer.
  
• Tuesday: Painters will hopefully be finished. Said money transfer must be made. In the evening, we are going to an Aliyah Anniversary party. With Eden - they love Eden!
• Wednesday: I think I'm free to go back to the office.....
• Thursday: Eden has a birthday party. I have a benefit concert I got looped into going to.
• Friday: Ben's parents are moving. Eden has another birthday party. We are getting takeout for Friday night and Shabbat, because both Ben's parents and their 2 guests are eating here. Dya think the paint smell will be down by then?
  

I really really hope that next week will be quieter.

The morning after

P.S. - the previous post was written last night, after a pretty decent supper. Its now 11:04 AM, I'm not really focusing on work anymore, and starting to get to where I don't really see the point in fasting. My thoughts are on my stomach more than on the great meaning of Jewish continuity. I move we only fast until noon, or make a point to eat only in "shiurim" - little bits at a time, considered to still be fasting.
Something to be said for haredi women who are nearly always pregnant or nursing - they can usually get out of fasting if they like. The rest of the haredi lifestyle is a big sacrifice but I'd say its almost worth it. I did once think about trying it but it (being pregnant or nursing, not haredi) didn't really work out that way. Some friends of mine just get ultra-convenient 24-hr stomach viruses. That could work too, although I sincerely hope they feel better soon :)
Maybe I'm just an inferior Jew, but see what 25 hour fasting turns me into? I'm not really a better person for the day, in fact I'm more irritable. I'm not very productive. I had some inspiration for an evening, whoop-de-do. I suppose maybe my being an irritable person is an appropriate sacrifice for the meaning of the day - which I am already forgetting in my hunger. I even have to go back and read what I wrote last night to remember it, and my reading comprehension is starting to falter too. The questions beg themselves.......

Tisha B'Av Thoughts

Tisha B'av rolls around again. Hot, sticky, smack in the middle of the ancient war season, a temple was destroyed over 2000 years ago. Jews worldwide of different variations commemorate the destruction by mourning - as if they were mourning for a close relative just lost. There are many different traditions, but some of the most common are fasting, sitting on low chairs instead of regular sofas, reading the book of Eicha and many kinnot written over the centuries. Some kinnot speak about the destruction of the temple, many other speak about other Jewish destruction - there are no lack of them. We go through massacre after massacre, in ancient Judea, blood libels throughout the dark ages, Crusaders in medieval France, the Chelminiki pogroms, ending of course with our modern destructions in Auschwitz and Bergen Belsen. We read about so many other destructions that occurred on this same day - they are all the same.
I hate fasting. It angers me that we don't eat, that we don't permit ourselves to eat. I find that when I fast, I mostly mourn the pain in my stomach, and not the temple - it doesn't seem quite logical. I would much rather spend the day touring Yad Vashem, reading, listening to lectures, and generally invoking sadness in other ways. Unfortunately, we can't force these activities on all Jews worldwide throughout time, and so the most surefire way of keeping the tradition to remember is to invoke a fast.
I too fast, although it angers me, because I've chosen to be a part of a community that fasts when mourning such national tragedies. Also because its important to me to show an example of continuity, to show that these millennium-old destructions are meaningful to me. I show this for Eden, although she doesn't yet understand, and I show this for everyone else. Because if we stopped showing it, it would start to cease to be as meaningful. For better or for worse, our Jewish tragedies are one thing that has given our nation its life. Some Jews remain focused on these tragedies all year round, identifying with the victim hood that centuries have given us. Still others take that same victim hood and turn it into triumph, looking around at the wonderful life the last 60 years have given us. On Tisha B'av, these Jews look again at the tragedy to that they have something to compare the future too. Some are oblivious to both, forgetting both the tragedy and not identifying with the triumph - we lose these Jews, because they forget the past and are not really aware of the future.
As someone who steers away from extremes - some of my friends also call this "sitting on the fence" - I sometimes fall into this danger of getting lost myself. Which is why Tisha B'av is good - it brings me back to my history, and my future, my country, and people. I'd honestly prefer to do it a different way - munching my way through dry toast and water at least - but I understand why we don't, at least in this family.
Do I think the temple should be rebuilt? Will be rebuilt? Do I honestly think that we are going to return to an age of animal sacrifice and cultish abulations? And that all the dead will return to live forever in God's holy light? I think I prefer a more metaphorical view.... I hope for a time where all Jews might center on a peaceful coexistence and respect (let's start with eachother and then think about our neighbors!). In temple times, there were always many different views- look at a page of gemarah! There have always been 70 faces of the Torah, until we were dispersed and required to follow one Rav, and one Rav only, for fear of weakening communities already crippled by antisemitism. Perhaps sacrifices will be of pride and politics... can we do away with the power games that are played in community shuls, in local and national organizations, can we find a holy place between order, law, and structure, and respect, diversity, creativity? In my mind, it is not really the loss of the temple that we are mourning, but the loss of the ability to find that magic spot, the magic median - the place between the deadening of emotion and feeling, the dryness that tradition sometimes takes, and the new life and innovation that that sometimes threatens to leave those traditions and all our history behind in the dust.
These things were all lost before either of the temples were destroyed. There are very few times in our history where we have been privy to this center spot. We've had it on occasion, and have lost it again - Tisha B'av is a reminder that we should be looking for it.

Some interesting Tisha B'av reading:
http://www.peelapom.com/holidays/rethinking-tisha-bav/
http://www.israelinsider.com/views/articles/views_0090.htm
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/172/story_17248_1.html
One I go back and read every year: http://apikorsus.blogspot.com/search/label/Tisha%20B%27Av

Trip Down August Runway

It seems like every month is just the nuttiest month of the year. Sometimes I dont know whether its the nature of the month, or its just that Eden is getting older and more demanding. Or rather, demanding in new ways that are fun and exciting but also tiring.

A cute story. Yesterday we went to a birthday party. The party was at this - place. I'll get to that after the cute story. In the morning I mentioned that after gan, we would go the party. Eden gave me a funny look and said, "Are you sure? I'm not sure. Let's see." I was surprised - did she not want to go? All she would say was, "Lets see, Mommy, let's see. After gan? A birthday party? With cake and presents? Let's see."
Later that morning, she said to Ben, "Daddy I have a good idea!" ("What's your good idea, Eden?") "I think that I should go to the bathroom, then go to gan, then go to the birthday party! I think that's a good idea!"
Great idea Eden, glad you claimed it as your own....

So, but the party. It was at this place in Modiin, that is like an indoor playground. Its got a climbing structure that is two stories high. With a zip line, slides, climbing walls, etc. All the kids were going up themselves and I'm not really the type of mom to get in to one of these things with a huge amount of kids - I wasn't the type to do this at 3 or 5, and I'm not the type at 25. But there were places where Eden went and I completely couldn't see her. Kids all over the place. Of all ages. And it was so loud, that had she been calling for me, I would not have been able to hear her.
And then the jumping thing. The moon walk, what ever you want to call it. As I've mentioned Eden plays hard. She was tackling other kids, falling all over the place (including on her head!) and generally having the time of her life. I was terrified.
After a while they brought a clown who magically turned the kids into fairies, then superheros, then wild animals, then butterflies, then scary monsters. Basically, she'd wave a magic wand, play some music and they would jump around. Repeat, with different jumping. Repeat, with different jumping. The kids were jumping for 2.5 hours straight.

This is the second party of the month - the first was in a park. One of the mom's told me that the park party cost the parents 1500 shekels, the indoor one 900 shekels. Compare that to my ~200 shekel make a butterfly party (including food and materials) back in March for 12 kids and there is something very strange. I don't intend on spending much more next year for her 4th party.

Eden's got another few parties this month - one on Shabbat that we are not going to. Other parents are annoyed that its scheduled for Shabbat, but I'm not particularly. Sorry that Eden can't go, but its not like Eden is a good friend of hers and don't think there is anything wrong with partying on Shabbat. Their loss. Ben and I also have a few parties - 3 aliyah anniversary parties, a bar mitzvah, I've got a benefit concert, Ben's parents are moving, Eden has off the last week of August, and is starting a new gan on Sept 1. Whew.

Also - did I mention? We are painting. The entire interior. We also did some work on the porches and whitewashed them so they look almost new. I'm really excited about the interior - living in color! The painter is coming tonight to discuss starting date and colors.....

Study of a gan party

Last night Eden's gan marked the end of the year by throwing a party. Sometimes I come to these things as a participant, throwing my Ivrit and Israeli parenting skills around like a pro. Other times, I am the American parent of an Israeli child, watching as Eden participates in some experience that I never had, do not know what to expect from, nor what she can expect. Its all new to me.

I would have expected some sort of graduation ceremony, in little purple caps and gowns. But that's just me.

Eden's gan party was themed on Israel - the country, the symbols, the colors, etc. It was kind of like independence day all over again - in fact, it was a better independence day party than their Independence Day party was. It was a birthday party for Eretz Yisrael, complete with Kova Tembel, old songs, pita and falafel, and general disorder.

They did have some great things, played lots of music, acting out the songs. At one point, they laid out a large map of the country and had the kids put trees on it, then houses, then streets, then bridges. It was really nice how they had the kids themselves building the country.



Eden placed a bridge down on a road:



They also celebrated Israel's birthday by bringing a present. After all, what is a birthday without a present? And the best present of course is peace, shalom. It came jumping out of a big box with a ribbon in the form of a parachute, blue and white.

If only.

Eden is really going to miss these kids. She's made some good friends (she calls them "my kids") - some of whom will be continuing on with her next year at her new gan.
These are pictures of Eden with her friends Yuval (the girl) and Lior (the boy) - who will both be going to different gans next year, then different schools, and only maybe will we see them around town some time.
When Eden started gan 2 years ago, Yuval was a skinny little girl who wouldn't let the pacifier out of her mouth and cried whenever anyone looked at her. She and Eden have become great friends. As wonderful as its been watching Eden grow older, its really amazing watching some of these other kids get big too. Apparently Eden has been teaching Yuval some English. She now tells her big brother, "Stop!"

There is always the other side to the night, namely that they didnt put food out until 7:30 ish or so, and that it included Coke! At 7:30 PM for 3 year olds! And that there was one little boy there who has always been a troublemaker, who was pushing another little girl and making her cry about every 15 minutes (Eden included, and Eden is a tough kid). We came home really tired, but all in all pretty happy. I'm sure that Eden has almost only good memories of Gan Ofir, even if I have some that are mixed.

Going to be a little proud

So I have something to be proud of today. The woman who runs Eden's gan told Ben the other day that Eden is one of the best behaved kids in the class, and that she wishes all the kids could be like Eden.

And that (here's the clincher) its clear that Eden comes from a very stable home.

As a mom who does not see her daughter for most of the day (save hours between 5 and 8ish PM), this is one of the most meaningful and wonderful things a day care teacher could say. Anyone could say for that matter. Its encouragement that no matter what other people say about working moms, it can work, and that somehow we are doing it right.

We mentioned this at a dinner with Ben's parents and my grandmother who is visiting from the States. They of course were very proud also - because of course in order to create such a stable home we must have come from stable homes ourselves :)

Looking back, high school was some of my worst years. But at the end of the day, my parents provided support and love, confidence and stability. Despite our both having made aliyah straight out of high school, despite going away to high school (in my case a few different high schools), despite any difficulties we may have had or still have with money, religion, friends, relatives, our own inefficiencies and self confidence issues, we must somehow be ok. You always wonder about that.

It kind of really makes it all worth it - no more guilt this week. And gan teachers are angels :)

Because my mouth is filthy

The other day walking home from gan, Eden stopped and said that she had to spit. And then she spit. I was a little concerened that maybe she wasn't feeling well so I asked, "Why do you need to spit?"
And she said, "Because my mouth is filthy".

And she's only 3.....

Read an article recently about people who write about their children online. I completely agree that you have to be careful, in regards to little kids and adult children also. Sometimes I read things that people write about their kids, and think about how I'd be cringing if I actually knew their kids. Like what if I was the parent of one of their friends? Or gosh a future significant other. I mean can you imagine realizing that the person you are dating is someone that you read about a couple years ago online in an article by their parent?
Another article I recently read (and I won't link to it because I see no interest in spreading this sort of junk) described the troubles the author was having with their 10 year old son accessing porn on the internet, and how they've had to remove his computer privelages. Or how their daughter, when provided a laptop by her high school, started to get involved in chat rooms, sending explicit messages to strange men, etc.
So I don't really want to know this about this person. I don't know the author personally, but its not like they used a pseudenom. If I lived in her neighborhood, or went to her synagouge, or my kids went to school with her kids, I might really know who she is and who her kids are. And I don't really want to know that the sweet 10 year old little boy next door who helps me bring up my groceries is checking out the latest free porn so much that his computer regularly crashes for all the viruses he brings in with it. Or that my babysitter is sending erotic messages to some guy she never met while my 3 year old sleeps.
I think that if your child is doing things that you don't approve of, its more having to do with your raising of said child than that child's access to those things. Maybe something related to the way you spread the news all over the country via the weekend journal in a national newspaper. Something raises a red flag there.

This post kind of ballooned, turned into a bit of a rant. Thanks for listening.

No time no time no time

Sitting here on a Sunday night I realize that its already 830 PM. There is still laundry to fold (waiting since Friday), dishes to do, toys to pick up, phone calls to make, and of course work to do.

None of which I mind doing on their own. All of which I mind doing after 8:30 PM. Certainly all of which I mind doing after 8:30 PM, all together.

Some things will have to go. Probably the toys that are on the porch will stay on the porch. Those on the floor will stay on the floor. Laundry is an if. Dishes are a must. Work is a really should do, and phone calls are a must.

By the way, Ben will certainly do his share or more, although he feels the same way I do about getting in some time to relax at night.

All of which boils down to, Eden going to sleep is a must too. Im really fed up with Eden taking until 9 or so to fall asleep. I'm tired of being called back "because, because, because - my tummy hurts!" or "because, because, because, I want to say good night to the lights outside!" or even the ever so manipulative "because, because, because, I need to PEE!" That one gets me moving fast, and my 3 year old knows it well. Usually, she does not actually need to pee, although its still worth getting her out of bed, just in case.

Or the ever, "because, because, because, Mommy I took my clothes off!" And there she is, butt naked, and gets to jump up, run around and look for her pjs and underwear which are anywhere in her room. What fun! Usually I crack up at this because why does she take her clothes off? And she is just really adorable. But the joke is getting a little old.

Because, because, because I am just really tired.

Quick peek at what's to come

Tonight we got a short glimpse of the woman waiting inside our three year old to show her face. Every once in a while she peeks out and we see how mature, confident, caring, and understanding Eden can be.
Tonight, it was not the wife, mother, leader, mentor, teacher, or whatever other wonderful woman she may grow up to be. Tonight it was the woman who walks into the store to pick up some bread and can't help but buy a lipstick on sale. The woman who, caught between the red and the green, buys both the red and the green, as well as the yellow, since the store is having a buy two get one half off sale.
Admittedly, its my fault. But where else is Eden supposed to get her girliness if not from me?
See, we went into the pharmacy to buy something else - something we really needed...and we passed kids hats. I know that Eden needs one because she's been wearing my scarves all summer to protect her head. So she tried one one and she liked it, but I decided it was too expensive. But she liked it, so I was about to say okay. Then she said that she didn't like it after all and it didn't fit well. So she picked out a bandana, and then another one, and another one, until we really had to pull her off of an orange paisley one with promises of banana cake. Have to admit, they were really nice and I might have bought one for myself - as well as for her! - had Ben not been there to spoil the party and keep watch on the credit card.....
On a the same vein, the new mall in Modiin is opening down the street from us in two days! And they are having an grand opening at 7:30. And even though that is exactly Eden's "bedtime" (she hasn't actually been falling asleep until around 8:45 recently), I'm perfectly happy to teach her that a new mall is a just cause for a late night out. You bet we are going to the grand opening - I can't wait, and I can't wait to teach Eden all about how exciting it is either. I am crossing the line however at going to see the first movie shown in the mall's movie theater, but only because I don't really think that Eden can sit through a whole movie in a theater. If she could I'd probably already have tickets.

Some moms....

Come Purim time, and Eden's costume is usually hanging in the closet already, my mom having bought it on sale after Halloween in the states. There is no way that I am going to try to make a costume for her - a store bought one for 10 dollars is just fine, thank you.

There are always those friends of mine who spend weeks before Purim shopping for materials, speaking with their three and four and five and six year olds about what they want to dress up as, and then the week before Purim spending hours sewing, cutting, gluing, and glittering.

Thats when I and some other friends of mine stand around the water cooler and say, "SOME moms make their kids costumes. OTHER moms just go to the closest store and buy the most acceptable one they can find for the least money. And some OTHER moms send their kids over to their neighbors house, who has a mom whose been making costumes for 10 years straight now, so that they can go pick one out to borrow for free."

Come Shavuot time, and Eden has a party at gan. Every year, we are asked to bring the same things - send the kids dressed in festive white, with a bag of dried fruit, and a dairy snack that they like, and a flower wreath for their hair.
So:
Dairy snacks - check. We always have yogurt around.
Dried fruit - check. Same goes for raisins. This year dried apricots too.
Festive white - that same shirt that got stained 3 holidays ago at gan - its her special gan "festive white". No way I'm staining another one.
Flower wreath - this is a singular Israeli thing that kids do. No American kid would be caught dead wearing a flower wreath on their hair like some Celtic druid or very very old Greek god (from before they had golden leaves). Eden never particularly likes them, and every year I forget to buy one. They are in the grocery store all the time, and I always figure that I'll just get one Thursday night when I go shopping.

And every year I forget that by the time it comes to the night before, there are no more flower wreaths to be had. Every child in the country under 6 is wearing one this morning.

So every year, the night before the Shavuot party, I make a flower wreath out of a piece of ribbon with construction paper flowers stapled or taped to it. It will work for a couple hours, stay on her head, it does look pretty, and takes 15 minutes to make. The hardest part is drawing the flowers.

But because of the Purim costume thing, I thought it was so funny when Eden got to gan this morning, and another mother commented, "Wow. SOME mothers make their kids wreaths. OTHER mothers go out and buy them from the store."

Looking for Shabbat lunches

Summer is upon us, and with it, some pretty boring shabbat lunches. Its too hot for choelent, and leaving the plata on all shabbat defeats the purpose of the air conditioner. Lunches last summer were invariably shnitzel and salad.
This summer I'm determined to do better. I think there is nothing more refreshing than a good cold soup. I made a pretty good dairy zuchinni soup a couple weeks ago, although it should have been thicker. So, I'm looking for more.
In my quest for cold soups, I came across this great foodie blog, with a recipe for cold cucumber soup.
The recipe sounds wonderful, but the whole blog is really great too. It looks nice, like you would want your table to look when sitting down to a well prepared meal. The recipies are interesting - the anti-shnitzel or choelent if you will. I think I'll peruse it every week now that fridays are longer and I have more time to cook. The quinoa potato hash browns breakfast also looks delicious, and fulfills my determination to eat breakfast.
And best of all are the pictures. I want to be able to serve THIS at my table.