You Know Your'e a Parent When . . .

....you are up in the middle of the night and microwave a potato and boil an egg for your kid's mock seder the next day.
Kudos to Ben - I had completely forgotten. Isn't that the type of thing a mom is supposed to do? I was fast asleep.

Eden has been singing "Vehi Sheamda" for a week now, and is really excited. Now if only I could get her to sing the "Ma Nishtana" the whole way through.

Head Over to Baby Things I Want

I want a lot of things. First and foremost, this baby.
But a lot of other things too. Things that cost money (not that this baby is free......). And I like to talk about them.
So, if you want to hear me talk even more about things that I want to buy, don't want to buy, think that perhaps someday I might want to buy, related to kids and babys, head over to http://www.babythingsiwant.com/, where I'm the newest author!

Long, Lazy Friday

It was a long Friday. We changed the clocks last night and woke up an hour late. We had a short shopping and cooking. Somehow, the house got cleaned and the laundry done, and its now 5:00 and I still have 1.5 hours to go. I DO feel like I've done nothing all day, except browse online and laze around. I am fully in denial about Pesach, and have not done a stitch of cleaning. I did make a preliminary list, so I suppose I'm not totally guilty.
Ben cooked, hooray for Ben!
What I did do today is start another list - a baby list. Not as nice or fancy as Sarah's list, I don't really want to set up another blog, and I do want my own list. Maybe I'll write a few blog posts for hers, just for the fun of it.
We don't want to buy much new for this baby - don't really see the need. However, I would like to right some wrongs we did with Eden. When Eden was born, we basically made a list of the things we needed, and made do with the cheapest and easiest to find, which wasn't always the most ideal.
This time around I'd like:

• A co-sleeper (hard to find to fit our lower Israeli beds, and NOT cheap, for just a few weeks use until we move her to the crib)
• A new swing - smaller, portable, nice looking, BETTER.
• A changing table - possibly. We have a desk-converted to changing table in Eden's room. Eventually, she can use it for a desk. In the meantime, its a staple of her room, and I don't want to take it away. At the same time, we are planning on building a 5 door closet in the baby's room, and I don't feel the need for another dresser in there. All I want is a changing table. Does it exist in Israel? Maybe we will have someone build it for us.
• A baby bath - we gave ours away. Ideally perhaps, we'd find one that can fit into the sink.
• A new baby carrier - am thinking about the big cloth ones, I didn't like it last time because it was too hot. This baby will be born in Sept, and I'll have the entire winter, where I'd rather be warm.
• Not to mention new nursing bras, a new nursing pillow. The pillow I'm sure I can get here - the bras? There is no way I'm getting into the plastic cages they sell here. Hey, while I'm on the topic, maybe a glider? I think that may be a bit off the budget....

I'll add more another time. I suppose I'll go get ready for Shabbat now.

Quick, Safe, and Easy

Is that a pipe dream? For birth I mean. Well for anything really, I suppose nothing is really quick, safe, and easy, unless its a cup of water or something. And even that lately...
So here comes a pregnancy gripe.
It really gets on my nerves when women press other women to use their childbirth experiences as a path to a heightened spiritual state. Meaning, I don't care what you do in your own life, do what's best for you. But don't pretend to think that it's also best for me.
I'm a cynic. And a skeptic. I don't do yoga, meditation, or hypnosis. Amazingly, I actually can deal with pain somehow rather stoically anyway. But that doesn't mean that I like to, nor is birth an opportunity for me to express that part of myself. Birth is how a child is born. That's it.
This all stems from a discussion I had with a doula the other day. I'm on the lookout for doulas. (And names by the way. I see girls names everywhere. Often, I say - ooh that's the one. And then later, nothing.) And I spent almost an hour on the phone the other day with a doula, who, aside from the fact that she would just not stop talking, seemed pretty decent. In fact, I was really pretty impressed with what she offered and really would call her back except for one thing. She basically said that I must be totally and completely committed to having a medication free birth, or that the hospitals here would just send me for another emergency C-section (I'm hoping for a VBAC). It seemed pretty extreme, but she said the risks of a uterine rupture are high enough to make medication pretty much not a good idea. I came out of the conversation thinking that really the decision was between planning a C-section and carrying a med-free birth through to the end.
And I'm just not sure I'm that committed. I don't really care about it, philosophicaly. It's not going to do anything for me. I don't think that non-medicated a "better" way to go, although it has its good points, and has been proven safer in the long run. But, from what I understood, if I wasn't full on about it, better off with a planned C.
So I started reading up on planned Cs. I read up on how they do it at Laniado Hospital in Netanya (hebrew, IE only, sorry), and that sounds pretty darn good to me. Quick, safe, easy. True, there are risks in later pregnancies, but women can have many many C-sections, especially here in Israel. Besides, do I really want so many kids that it would be a problem? There are of course other complications, internal scarring, etc. But our doctors are good enough, aren't they?
All in all, sounds a whole lot better than a non-medicated birth. And certainly a whole lot better than a trial of labor and another emergency C-section. All that trauma, for both me and baby. And it could be so easy.
So Ben thought that what this doula had told me was a load of bunk, and that surely I could have an epidural for a VBAC also. Apparently they do it in the rest of the world, why not here. I asked a friend of mine who I thought might know, and she seemed to think it was bunk too. I have yet to really verify it with a professional, but it just gets to me. Why would she say something like that if it just wasn't true? She must really, really, really believe that medication in a VBAC is dangerous. Ben later expressed just what I was feeling, that some people - and so many of them doulas, lactation consultants, childbirth class instructors, etc - are so ungrounded and in the clouds about this stuff that they don't present the facts right. We had that same experience with the woman we took our course from before Eden was born. She presented things as such FACTS, about birth, nursing, pacifiers, and just everything having to do with newborns. And I realized after Eden was born was that there really are no facts. Each baby does its own thing. And each mother does her own thing. And each family has to adjust and do what is right for them.
So, bottom line here. I'm looking to have VBAC, because it is safer, because its supposed to be easier in many ways, and because its supposed to be easier to nurse afterward. (And the nursing is a priority for me, not because of any superior holy feelings. In fact, I decidedly do not like feeling like a cow. But it is good for the baby, and its easy on the wallet if it goes right, so it would be nice if it did this time.) And I'm looking to pay someone to help me through that VBAC. But I'm not looking for a quack whose going to get on my nerves the entire time with her 'oh how holy is this birth' bit going on that so many of them have. Just get it done.
Recommendations and advice welcome.

For the record - I know I'm exaggerating a bit. Its hard to really express how I'm feeling about this, so I'm overcompensating. I know that they aren't all really that terrible, and many are really very down-to-earth.

Related Posts - Cloth Diapering 101. This I can relate to. And not for the environment.

A Peek Inside

We had our skirat mukdemet last week - the early advanced U/S scan that Maccabi gives us in week 15 or 16. My own dr does an U/S every month, but the resolution is not very high, and he really only uses it to check the heartbeat and movement. Last week, we found out that
a) Its a girl! Hooray for Eden's little sister!
b) Both sides of her brain are exactly symetrical (thank God!)
c) That she has all the limbs and organs she is supposed to have (thank God again!)
and
d) There is an amniotic sheet keeping her company.

Truth is, I went back to my dr yesterday for a monthly follow up, and he couldn't find the sheet. He said it may have disapeared already, or fused to the wall. Either way he wasn't worried about it, and gave me a referral for another advanced U/S at week 21 :). I thought that usually they do a second one at week 24 or 26, so I'm not sure if this is just an early one or actually an additional one! Wouldn't that be fun!

Anyway, but for the week that it was still there, it got me thinking. I mean, it wasn't doing her any harm, as long as her arms and legs didn't get caught up in it. And it meant that she had slightly less room to move around, which might explain for how huge I am already. But you know, maybe she liked it there. Kind of like her first blanky. What if she went through the whole pregancy with it? Would it be traumatic to leave it behind? (In addition to the regular trauma of birth). What if it broke in say, the 7th month? She might have grown to like it, have missed it, and actually gotten over it by the time she was born. She would have known loss, and overcome that loss, even before she entered our world. What an idea! How would that affect her?

I already have a gut feeling that she is very different than Eden. Eden is so - personable. Outgoing. Charming, friendly. She doesn't sit still, she's a doer. I already feel that this baby is quieter. Less rambunctious, maybe more shy. At this point when I was pregnant with Eden, we had an ultrasound that showed her jumping - I don't know that she's stopped since. Our scans with this baby have shown her chilling. She waved at us last week, but that was about it - only one hand moved. She's bothered me a bit with morning sickness, but not as badly as Eden did. She seems to be just less - in your face. I wonder if thats true. If so, we have something completely unknown coming to us. I mean we would anyway, but this all just gets me thinking about it more. How wonderful and interesting - I can't wait!

Reruns Have Become Our History

A quick flashback to the Goo Goo Dolls, a fav band of mine in high school (and still! I love it when I find them on the radio!)

If you know the song, you'll know what it has to do with this post.

Sometimes things come around in my head again and again. I honestly don't remember if I've actually posted about this before, or if I'm doing so now for the first time. I also am too lazy to go look.

I think every generation of parents thinks that their kids grow up too fast. I think parents have been thinking that their kids have grown up too fast for millennium. That this decade's technology will be the ruin of the next generation. This is nothing new, and every parent of a teenager that I know thinks this way.

Granted, I am not a mother of a teenager. And maybe I'm too young and my own teenage memories are still fresh in my mind. But I totally disagree. I think kids don't grow up fast enough.

Yes, they are exposed to more and more information at a younger age, but that doesn't mean growing up (and I don't think its going to ruin them). The smart ones will adjust. The stupid ones will do what stupid ones have always done - continue being stupid despite their parents best efforts). Kids take too long to become independent and responsible. They grow up not knowing how to make concrete decisions, and are still afraid of commitment well into their 30's, leaving their best years for reproduction behind. They don't use their minds, are too lazy to solve life's puzzles, and aren't interested in doing so. They aren't respectful, nor are they respectable. I don't really care how many piercings kids have, and it doesn't matter to me what they look like. I want them to be decent people, able to support themselves, take an interest in supporting the next generation. Be interested in growth, life. Flourish.

I am of course generalizing. I'm talking about the kids who I steer Eden away from in the park. The kid who was sitting on the hood of my car one day smoking when I came out of the store.

Honestly, I think these kids are bored. They are bored with school, and bored with their parents and bored with their life. They are waiting to grow up and be a person, but will not know what to do when they get there, nor will they recognize that they've gotten there. Perhaps they may never get there. You have to GO somewhere to get there, if you sit on the corner smoking all afternoon after school, you don't look like you are going much of anywhere.

I'm aware that I'm ranting a bit. I have no hard and fast proofs or examples. Just a general feeling and a slight annoyance at people who want to keep their kids young. I personally, cannot wait for Eden to grow up. She's so interesting, and only four! What a fascinating person she's going to be at 14 and 24! I love that she is independent, and I hope she continues to be so. I love that she knows her own mind, and that you can argue a point logically with her. I love that she can disagree and still understand that she doesn't always get her way. And accept it. That's what grownups do, actually. Growing up too fast doesn't mean too much internet, it would mean too much disappointment. And I think that most kids who seem to be growing up too fast are only disappointed that they have to wait so long.

Early to Bed, Early to Rise, Makes a Person

Very Cranky in the Evenings.

Eden has started getting up earlier. This means that:

a) Ben and Eden have more time in the morning to get ready. Hooray! Makes for a happier Ben later in the day.

b) Eden sometimes is awake when I leave for work. Which means that I don't leave for work as expeditiously as I would otherwise... usually I'm giving her hugs for 10 minutes. (GUILT TRIP HERE: When I picked Eden up on Thursday she said to me, out of the blue, "Mommy, I love you so so much."I said, "Oh honey, I love you too!" And Eden said, "So why all the time you go to work. I want you." Can't get more heartbreaking than that. I must remember that I love my job. And that it provides for this little heart breaker.)

c) Eden gets tired earlier. Her official bed-time is 7:30. But if we wait much past 7:10 to get her teeth brushed and into pjs, she is "so so tired. I cannot brush my teeth. I am so so tired." And she's often too tired to eat a proper dinner, so she's hungry also. Never mind visiting with friends. I say we are too tired for that. All this makes for some difficult late afternoons and evenings.

d) Eden gets up earlier on weekends also. The sun shining this weekend did not help. Apparently it was "morning time!" at 10 to 6 AM.

Maybe some day it will do her good. I can only hope that it instills what Ben Franklin said it would. Right now, its only making for a very unhappy four-year old.

Some happy news: Eden gave the baby a hug tonight. Sort of, she was a bit disappointed that all she got to see was my tummy. But she sang a song and said, "I'm Eden, I'm your big sister. And I love you so much, little baby." Also heartbreaking, but in a good way.

And she can spread peanut butter by herself! I was astonished at that, what a big girl. Next, she'll be making her sandwiches by herself. One more point for Ben :)

Gems to Share and Remember

We had a really great weekend.

Starting off with Eden's birthday party at gan (no need to post pics here if I can link to facebook), followed by a really enjoyable shabbat with Ben's family, including our new niece Hila. The party was wonderfully un-pagan, unlike last years where all the little 3-year olds worshiped the cake god and the birthday goddess granted favors to techno music and black light. I guess that doesn't exactly happen in a Shas gan. Also, it was nice that they do it in pairs, and we had our birthday party with Eden's friend Talia. Talia's mom is one of those wonderful people who has everything planned and worked out perfectly way in advance, and volunteered to buy everything. All I did for the party at all was contribute 1/2 the expense. (I used to think I was a mom like that, but have since grown to know better.)

Some sweet, short, and funny Eden-isms:

• When we did the Mommy-Eden birthday dance at gan together, and Eden presented me with a big red heart, Eden had an urgent secret for me. She whispered in my ear, "I love you, Mommy" (!!).

• There is a man in our neighborhood with a big bushy beard and a big head of white hair. We sometimes see him walking with his dog. Ben has told Eden alternately that it is Eliyahu Hanavi, or the Old Man of the Mountain. Thursday afternoon, we saw him on the way home from the park, and Eden of course called out and pointed, "Look Mommy! Its Eliyahu Hanavi! And his dog!"

• We spent the entire day yesterday at Ben's parents. Our fuse blew, and there was nothing we could do on Shabbat. I'm not going to go into the details because it only contributed to the day in that we had no heat and decided that it would be more fun to stay there for the entire day. Which it was. When we got home at the end of the very very very long day, we sat down to read Super Completely and Totally the Messiest, by Judith Viorst. (Hint: We LOVE Judith Viorst.) I told Eden what a big girl she had been, how great she had been with Hila, and how proud of her I was. Her brow was furrowed, and I asked her what was on her mind. She said she was thinking of Mommy and Daddy, and how we totally and completely and "all de time" love her very much. That was just the best end to the day. I love her little Sabra accented "all de time".

• When my friend asked Eden whether she thought the baby was a boy or a girl, she said its a girl. My friend said, "Really, you think so?" And Eden said, "I don't think. It's a girl." Is she psychic? Clairvoyant? We'll find out in just a couple weeks when we have a big ultrasound scan. I'll probably leak it here. Stay tuned.

• Eden can now put her hair in a ponytail all by herself! And clips in the side to keep her grown out bangs back. I am truly amazed.
  

I notice that the spellchecker caught facebook. I wonder when they will get with the program?