Paying It Forward

Small happy story:

Last Thursday I went to the bathroom on my way out of work. Nice little factoid there.
On the sink was a man's wallet (I was in the handicapped bathroom - why is it that this is the first question everyone asks?).
It was actually really thick - lots of nice plastic and a good wad of cash also. I was in a rush to get home, but obviously I stopped at a coworker's desk and looked the guy up in the company address book. He was still on our floor and was very grateful that I had returned the wallet.
It was the simple and obvious thing to do, but it made me feel really good. How many times do you actually get to return a lost wallet? I felt like such a Mitzvah Girl.
Friday night, Ben and I were sitting after a satisfying Shabbat meal, and Ben noticed that one of the gold studs I wear in my ears was missing. Ben gave me a pair of gold studs and gold hoops when Eden was born and I've worn them almost every day since. So we were both pretty upset to find it missing, looked in all the obvious places and decided that it could have fallen out anywhere, any time, and we would most likely not see it again. It was a little sad.
Today (Sunday), I checked my email one more time just before I left work. One email said, "Anyone who is missing an earring, come see X." I thought, no way - can't be mine. But it was! It was the most amazing feeling and I was ever so ever so ever so grateful.
What was really terrific though was how it just matched up so well.

Little things to make you happy.

Ivrit B'Ivrit and Other Language Barriers

This week I attended a session sponsored by Nefesh b'Nefesh and the Modiin Ministry of Absorption on an introduction to the Israeli school system. Although I've been here for going on 9 years now, I still feel like the ever-newby when it comes to Eden's schooling. I'm just plain never in the loop and often I don't get it. So I figured - someone is offering information for free? I'll take two!
It was not totally what I expected. I was surprised to find myself one of the only people there (that I recognized) who'd been in Israel for longer than 3 years. Also one of the only, if not the only person who actually didn't have a kid already in the school system (Eden's a little young). I'd say the average person there had made aliyah sometime in the past 2 years, with 2-4 kids in school. Some made aliyah 3 weeks ago, have 3 kids in school, none of whom speak Hebrew. Or English. They start school next week and have less of a clue that I do. Clearly their questions took precedence over mine.
The major topic of discussion turned out to be bilingualism. How do you live in a Hebrew speaking country and still keep your kids English at a decent level - enough to speak to their grandparents, if not eventually academic enough to study anywhere they'd like? On the other hand, how do you give your kid a strong basis in the language of your country (the country that you chose) when it is not your own? Their proficiency in that language will affect how well they get along with other kids, how well they do in school, how critically they can write in Hebrew, all contributing to their adult sense of self.
Of course put two Jews in a room and you have three opinions, and we were all Jews here. Put two Jewish education professionals in a room and you have...more questions leaving than you had going in. Can we leave it up to the schools to give our kids Hebrew?
To put it a different way - is there any part of my kids education that I want completely left to the school system? Much less something so important as their language comprehension and composition skills?
I could go on and on and on about everything I heard and the new questions I have. What made the biggest impression on me is the realization that, although I speak in English every day, at work, at home, with friends, Hebrew is the language that I chose. Whether I like it or not, Hebrew will be more important for my kids than English. If at some point, I need to compromise, it will have to be the Hebrew that takes precedence. Maybe, my kids will all be the literary and linguistic geniuses I dream of, and will be able to handle both languages with ease. But if not, I will have to push the English gently, while realizing that Hebrew is the language of their world.

The other shocker is about how kids get to school in this country. They take a public bus! I'll be expected to put my 5 year old on a public bus all by herself! Ok, hopefully with other kids her age going to the same school as her. (That's a shout-out to our friend around the corner...) Thinking about it, I no longer think that limited cell phone plans for little kids is such a bad idea after all. Keep it on a string around your neck together with your key, my little latch-key darling.

God is a Working Mom

There are some things that you can try to control. Like what you eat for supper, what time you go to bed and wake up. Your children, sometimes.
Other things are completely up to - something else.

A couple months ago, a friend of ours announced that they had chicken pox. Being that we had spent the previous shabbat afternoon at their house, I was watching for spots on Eden for a week or so before I gave up. Which is just as well because a couple days ago, I noticed that she had more mosquito bits on her tummy than usual, and now she is completely covered.

I'm convinced that we must have done something really good at one point. Or simply that God is a Working Mom and understands that the only logical time for your child to get chicken pox is when said child is on vacation for a week from gan anyway. Furthermore, God must realize how difficult it is to take time off for my child's vacation when my vacation days are in the red, and has conveniently provided me with an excuse to log them as sick days.

Seriously, it couldn't be better. Not that I'm happy that she's "sick". That's "sick" because she has no fever, is just as energetic as ever, and is only a little bothered by the itchiness. We've popped her some pills for the itchiness, so now her spots are just something cool to look at. Maybe we'll play connect the dots with magic marker LOL.

To answer the ready question, no we did not get her vaccinated. I've had the virus twice, as has Ben (once as an adult!), so I feel that if the weakness for the virus is at all genetic, I'd like our kids to get it, get it good, and hopefully not ever get it again. Also until chickenpox is just as rare as polio and other past childhood diseases, I'd rather not keep her at risk by giving her a less than sure vaccine. Of my friends who've vaccinated their kids, most of their kids have still gotten it, although lightly.

So if anyone would like the virus, come and get it! Or if you've had it, please come and play! We will be a little bored, quarantined from the park and stores. We are stocking up on movies and art supplies.

May she live and be well.

~~Edit: Although this post may seem harsh and unfeeling, my heart really does go out to her, covered in awful red bumps, even if they aren't particularly itchy. I'm sure that she does feel somewhat under the weather, and we are making sure to give her lots of love. Just so you know.

Color Me Nervous

We are painting.
Well, not WE - the painters are painting. Downstairs, now, as we speak. Right now they are only doing ceilings but we closed on colors in like a 1/2 hour. Was that easy? Eh not so much, and im pretty nervous about it.....
Take a look (at http://www.myperfectcolor.com/ or any other paint site for that matter:) - Be aware that paint colors online are not what they may seem. At all. My computer doesn't match the paint cans at all. But if you are interested....

• Living room, dining room ("salon"): Snow White (OW201P)
• Master Bedrom: Half Snow White, Half Sweet Cream (7075P - a kind of yellowish)
• Eden's room: Blue Strata (1225P - light blue) on 3 walls, Snow White on one
  
• Mamad (the security room opposite Eden's that we hope to turn into another child's room) - Whispering Willow (2083P - pastel green) on 3 walls, Snow White on one
  
• Staircase area: Valley Smoke (4075P - tan)
• Office upstairs - half Valley Smoke and Snow White
• Kitchen - a problem. We originally chose Medford Green (3132T), but turns out it has too much blue in it. I read that kitchens shouldn't be blue because blue food is not good to eat (Ben will disagree.) Now instead we are going with Green Trail (3104T), but haven't gotten the new sample yet to approve it.

Any comments must only be positive since its already happening, not much turning back. I don't know how crazy we can drive this guy with the greens.

I mentioned in a previous post how nutty this week is, but I'll do it again now that we are here:

• Sunday - fast day. I slept, worked a little bit, watched The Lives of Others, then 2 tanach movies with Eden.
• Monday - thats today. Painters coming. Trying to work (as you can tell not right this second). Ben's parents also have guests in from the states, who are going with them to Jlem today. They are moving on Friday, and a water pipe in their apt burst this morning. Of course the landlord is blaming them. Somewhat. Its not completely clear to me. Still need to go out to transfer money into an Israeli account to pay for it. Did I mention that our account is in the middle of being switched? We thought the paint wouldn't be completed until the end of the week, at which time the account would all be in order. But since they will be finishing tomorrow, and our account is in limbo, we are using a check from Ben's parents instead. But we still need to make the transfer.
  
• Tuesday: Painters will hopefully be finished. Said money transfer must be made. In the evening, we are going to an Aliyah Anniversary party. With Eden - they love Eden!
• Wednesday: I think I'm free to go back to the office.....
• Thursday: Eden has a birthday party. I have a benefit concert I got looped into going to.
• Friday: Ben's parents are moving. Eden has another birthday party. We are getting takeout for Friday night and Shabbat, because both Ben's parents and their 2 guests are eating here. Dya think the paint smell will be down by then?
  

I really really hope that next week will be quieter.

The morning after

P.S. - the previous post was written last night, after a pretty decent supper. Its now 11:04 AM, I'm not really focusing on work anymore, and starting to get to where I don't really see the point in fasting. My thoughts are on my stomach more than on the great meaning of Jewish continuity. I move we only fast until noon, or make a point to eat only in "shiurim" - little bits at a time, considered to still be fasting.
Something to be said for haredi women who are nearly always pregnant or nursing - they can usually get out of fasting if they like. The rest of the haredi lifestyle is a big sacrifice but I'd say its almost worth it. I did once think about trying it but it (being pregnant or nursing, not haredi) didn't really work out that way. Some friends of mine just get ultra-convenient 24-hr stomach viruses. That could work too, although I sincerely hope they feel better soon :)
Maybe I'm just an inferior Jew, but see what 25 hour fasting turns me into? I'm not really a better person for the day, in fact I'm more irritable. I'm not very productive. I had some inspiration for an evening, whoop-de-do. I suppose maybe my being an irritable person is an appropriate sacrifice for the meaning of the day - which I am already forgetting in my hunger. I even have to go back and read what I wrote last night to remember it, and my reading comprehension is starting to falter too. The questions beg themselves.......

Tisha B'Av Thoughts

Tisha B'av rolls around again. Hot, sticky, smack in the middle of the ancient war season, a temple was destroyed over 2000 years ago. Jews worldwide of different variations commemorate the destruction by mourning - as if they were mourning for a close relative just lost. There are many different traditions, but some of the most common are fasting, sitting on low chairs instead of regular sofas, reading the book of Eicha and many kinnot written over the centuries. Some kinnot speak about the destruction of the temple, many other speak about other Jewish destruction - there are no lack of them. We go through massacre after massacre, in ancient Judea, blood libels throughout the dark ages, Crusaders in medieval France, the Chelminiki pogroms, ending of course with our modern destructions in Auschwitz and Bergen Belsen. We read about so many other destructions that occurred on this same day - they are all the same.
I hate fasting. It angers me that we don't eat, that we don't permit ourselves to eat. I find that when I fast, I mostly mourn the pain in my stomach, and not the temple - it doesn't seem quite logical. I would much rather spend the day touring Yad Vashem, reading, listening to lectures, and generally invoking sadness in other ways. Unfortunately, we can't force these activities on all Jews worldwide throughout time, and so the most surefire way of keeping the tradition to remember is to invoke a fast.
I too fast, although it angers me, because I've chosen to be a part of a community that fasts when mourning such national tragedies. Also because its important to me to show an example of continuity, to show that these millennium-old destructions are meaningful to me. I show this for Eden, although she doesn't yet understand, and I show this for everyone else. Because if we stopped showing it, it would start to cease to be as meaningful. For better or for worse, our Jewish tragedies are one thing that has given our nation its life. Some Jews remain focused on these tragedies all year round, identifying with the victim hood that centuries have given us. Still others take that same victim hood and turn it into triumph, looking around at the wonderful life the last 60 years have given us. On Tisha B'av, these Jews look again at the tragedy to that they have something to compare the future too. Some are oblivious to both, forgetting both the tragedy and not identifying with the triumph - we lose these Jews, because they forget the past and are not really aware of the future.
As someone who steers away from extremes - some of my friends also call this "sitting on the fence" - I sometimes fall into this danger of getting lost myself. Which is why Tisha B'av is good - it brings me back to my history, and my future, my country, and people. I'd honestly prefer to do it a different way - munching my way through dry toast and water at least - but I understand why we don't, at least in this family.
Do I think the temple should be rebuilt? Will be rebuilt? Do I honestly think that we are going to return to an age of animal sacrifice and cultish abulations? And that all the dead will return to live forever in God's holy light? I think I prefer a more metaphorical view.... I hope for a time where all Jews might center on a peaceful coexistence and respect (let's start with eachother and then think about our neighbors!). In temple times, there were always many different views- look at a page of gemarah! There have always been 70 faces of the Torah, until we were dispersed and required to follow one Rav, and one Rav only, for fear of weakening communities already crippled by antisemitism. Perhaps sacrifices will be of pride and politics... can we do away with the power games that are played in community shuls, in local and national organizations, can we find a holy place between order, law, and structure, and respect, diversity, creativity? In my mind, it is not really the loss of the temple that we are mourning, but the loss of the ability to find that magic spot, the magic median - the place between the deadening of emotion and feeling, the dryness that tradition sometimes takes, and the new life and innovation that that sometimes threatens to leave those traditions and all our history behind in the dust.
These things were all lost before either of the temples were destroyed. There are very few times in our history where we have been privy to this center spot. We've had it on occasion, and have lost it again - Tisha B'av is a reminder that we should be looking for it.

Some interesting Tisha B'av reading:
http://www.peelapom.com/holidays/rethinking-tisha-bav/
http://www.israelinsider.com/views/articles/views_0090.htm
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/172/story_17248_1.html
One I go back and read every year: http://apikorsus.blogspot.com/search/label/Tisha%20B%27Av

Trip Down August Runway

It seems like every month is just the nuttiest month of the year. Sometimes I dont know whether its the nature of the month, or its just that Eden is getting older and more demanding. Or rather, demanding in new ways that are fun and exciting but also tiring.

A cute story. Yesterday we went to a birthday party. The party was at this - place. I'll get to that after the cute story. In the morning I mentioned that after gan, we would go the party. Eden gave me a funny look and said, "Are you sure? I'm not sure. Let's see." I was surprised - did she not want to go? All she would say was, "Lets see, Mommy, let's see. After gan? A birthday party? With cake and presents? Let's see."
Later that morning, she said to Ben, "Daddy I have a good idea!" ("What's your good idea, Eden?") "I think that I should go to the bathroom, then go to gan, then go to the birthday party! I think that's a good idea!"
Great idea Eden, glad you claimed it as your own....

So, but the party. It was at this place in Modiin, that is like an indoor playground. Its got a climbing structure that is two stories high. With a zip line, slides, climbing walls, etc. All the kids were going up themselves and I'm not really the type of mom to get in to one of these things with a huge amount of kids - I wasn't the type to do this at 3 or 5, and I'm not the type at 25. But there were places where Eden went and I completely couldn't see her. Kids all over the place. Of all ages. And it was so loud, that had she been calling for me, I would not have been able to hear her.
And then the jumping thing. The moon walk, what ever you want to call it. As I've mentioned Eden plays hard. She was tackling other kids, falling all over the place (including on her head!) and generally having the time of her life. I was terrified.
After a while they brought a clown who magically turned the kids into fairies, then superheros, then wild animals, then butterflies, then scary monsters. Basically, she'd wave a magic wand, play some music and they would jump around. Repeat, with different jumping. Repeat, with different jumping. The kids were jumping for 2.5 hours straight.

This is the second party of the month - the first was in a park. One of the mom's told me that the park party cost the parents 1500 shekels, the indoor one 900 shekels. Compare that to my ~200 shekel make a butterfly party (including food and materials) back in March for 12 kids and there is something very strange. I don't intend on spending much more next year for her 4th party.

Eden's got another few parties this month - one on Shabbat that we are not going to. Other parents are annoyed that its scheduled for Shabbat, but I'm not particularly. Sorry that Eden can't go, but its not like Eden is a good friend of hers and don't think there is anything wrong with partying on Shabbat. Their loss. Ben and I also have a few parties - 3 aliyah anniversary parties, a bar mitzvah, I've got a benefit concert, Ben's parents are moving, Eden has off the last week of August, and is starting a new gan on Sept 1. Whew.

Also - did I mention? We are painting. The entire interior. We also did some work on the porches and whitewashed them so they look almost new. I'm really excited about the interior - living in color! The painter is coming tonight to discuss starting date and colors.....