At arrivals

No, not yet.
I feel similar to someone waiting at arrivals at the airport. Let's say its someone you love, someone you haven't seen in a long time, someone that you want to dash out and hug the minute, nay, split second, you see them. And you know that their flight has landed, and they are just getting their bags.
And its Ben Gurion right before the holidays. And the person you are waiting for will be wearing a black hat and suit.
Ok so not likely that I'd run out and hug that person. But let's just say.
And they don't have a cellphone so you can find out where they are. And their bags are the last to come through. And you even got to the airport early, well, just in case. After all, there might have been traffic.
Every person you see coming through those doors, you say - is that them? Is that them? Is it? Now? Now? And you want to sit down and just rest, but you can't, because what if you miss that first look at them??!!!
Remember that huge screen they used to have at B.G., where you could see the people just a minute before they actually came out? And you watched both the screen and the door, even though you'd just seen those people on the screen?

Yeah, so that's me now.

Yesterday, my c-section scar started to hurt. A lot - like real, stinging pain. Like the kind of pain I don't remember feeling since it was closing up. And it hurt more when I touched it, and it certainly felt like it was stretching thin. At the time I didn't think too much of it.

I called my midwife this morning, just in case. And she said that as long as the baby is kicking and the pain feels like its on the skin only, and isn't really coming together with the contractions, its probably OK. But that if it made me feel better, it's definitely a reason to go down to the clinic for a monitor. I called the woman's clinic, who said regardless, it's definitely a reason to come down and get it checked out.

So down I went, a part of me thinking, wow - if they don't like this then I could be in the OR in just a couple hours. Too bad about all that VBAC prep, I'd rather get this baby out safely. And there goes future VBACs. And once again, tried to cancel meetings for tomorrow, send out status emails, think of last minute things to put in my bag, and prepare myself for the possibility that they'd say that just in case, they'd like to send me for another C. Of course you can refuse these things, but I'm not the woman to say, nah, I don't believe you and I'd rather hold out for my natural birth. Risking the life of this one and the possibility of never having any more children (that's basically what happens when a c-section scar rips). And I went down and got a monitor done. And an ultrasound. And then (whew!) met with a doctor to discuss it all. Who told me that all is fine, heartbeat and contractions both look great. And nothing doing just yet.

So I'm still here, watching that screen. What is it about human beings that draws us to paranoia?