My mind is NOT turning to mush

Or so I tell myself.

I realized today that I've become a somewhat spacey conversationalist. Not to say that I've always been fascinating, but I can do better than this. And yes, you can make all sorts of excuses for me, like that I only sleep for an hour out of every two at night (ok I'm exaggerating a little bit), the real truth is that I blame it on the baby.

For all it's benefits of breastfeeding, such as increased immune system for the baby, weight loss for the mom (really? let me know when that one takes effect), easy to pack and go, cheaper, it's a myth that it does not chain mothers a bit. Not just to their babies, but to the couch.

1) It's easier to nurse on the couch that at the dining room table.

2) If there is anyone at the table who you'd prefer not to flash - at least while they are eating - it's much easier to go to the couch.

3) Yemima knows when she is not my main focus, and she doesn't like it. She eats much better when she knows that she's the center of my attention - and that I'm not involved in something else, like a conversation.

4) I would not want to eat under a hot blanket, I don't blame Yemima for not wanting to either.

So if I'm lucky, and Yemima sleeps during dinner, then I can be an adult and talk about interesting things. If she's awake and just chillin' - also OK, although there is always a part of my brain that is switched off from normal life to listen for her cues. And if she's awake but crying then forget about talking, I can't think straight.

If she's hungry - the couch. And you just can't participate in what's going on at the table very well from the couch. You can try, but it's a tad forced. Sad, sad fact.

And sometimes there's the awake, but not hungry, not crying, but not totally cool either. That's when I'm trying to stick a pacifier in her mouth every so often, talk to her, make eye contact, perhaps change a diaper. And that's also where the spacey conversation comes in. Because I'll be talking or listening and then I'll just fade out. My brain goes to Yemima. Sitting on the couch nursing I can usually at least listen in.

And if someone said something really interesting, I've lost it. It's a little silly to ask them to repeat it, since it happens so often. ("What? Can you repeat that? Sorry? Wait, say that again? What was that you had said 2 minutes ago that I was really interested in hearing but didn't?") And if its a conversation turner - something for getting the rest of it, then I'm gone, and I start saying things like, "Really? Wow. So interesting. Ah. Right. Got it."

I don't think I'm really such an airhead....ok just a bit of one. But if you hear me start to sound like that, you might offer to take the baby.