Yom Haatzmaut

Eden did not get to see the fireworks. She was all hyped up for them, but then somehow forgot about it right before it was her regular bed time. She was tired and went to bed so easily, that we just COULDN'T make her stay up later. It would have been excruciating.
So when they started about 1.5 hours later, we rushed downstairs, sure that she would have woken up scared. Not a chance, nor was she going to wake up. No dice, and Ben missed the first few trying. The next morning, we decided not to mention it and kind of skimmed the topic. Oh well, maybe next year.
Yesterday we spent the morning in Park Canada, 10 min from Modiin on one side, and one of the two local forests and hiking spots (the other being the Ben Shemen forest, 10 min from Modiin on the other side). Wasn't very crowded, and only a little bit of garbage. Best of all, there were trees! Not really to sit in the shade (although we did), but to climb! Eden climbed trees for the first time, and I think it was a great ego booster, since she insisted on wearing her fake crocs that morning, which don't have much traction, and wern't serving her so well on the rocks she was climbing.
Then we headed back to Grandma and Grandpa's for a bbq, where Eden ate more than ever, and I discovered the wonders of excercise balls. Pictures sometime soon.

Eden's been singing Independence Day songs for weeks now, getting the reishes in "Eretz Yisrael Sheli Yafa veGam Porachat" (My Israel is beautiful and blooming) right every time! She's so obsessed with Yom Haatzmaut that everything her gannenet told her about Holocaust Rememberance Day and Memorial Day went out the window - she doesn't remember a thing. Also, she thinks that the upcoming Lag B'omer is also a party for the medina - mangal and medurah getting mixed up also.

Happy 61, Medinat Yisrael. We are so glad to be here. Baby too - kicking strongly to the tune of Hatikvah.

Brag Post Plus

I know its hard to listen to parents go on and on about how wonderful their kids are. Well oh well, that's what you get on a mom-blog.

I was just about to write a post on how big of help Eden was today when she came upstairs and started whining and complaining, touching everything in the room that I did not want her to touch, and generally being pretty annoying. Sometimes I feel guilty about having such little patience for those types of things. But after feeling guilty for too too long, I've decided that no mom is perfect, and if this is what she complains about in 20 years, then so be it.

Nonetheless I'll give credit when due, and today, Eden:

• Helped me vacuum by pushing it around behind me so that I wouldn't have to pull it
• Helped me wash mirrors and toilets
• Fetched random things for me, like new garbage bags, the stool, the window cleaner, and brought the stool back to the kitchen, and laundry to the hamper, and even put the garbage bag in the pail
• Washed the steps (she does this most Fridays, with very wet wipes. We're lucky if there isn't enough water on the floor underneath them afterward to wash the rest of the floor too...)
• Made her bed this morning! Totally without either of us prompting her to!

Really, what a big girl and what a big helper.

On another note, she's going through an odd clingy phase. I'm late leaving for work more often than not recently because she's up when I leave and crying that she wants me to stay with her. One day this week, I actually gave her a necklace of mine to wear so that she would have a bit of me all day with her. That seemed to do the trick, although Ben wasn't too pleased. He thought the other kids might get jealous and make fun of her. Indeed, when I went to pick her up, it was hidden, tucked into her shirt, because she said the other kids might call her "chutzpanit" (lit. "rude", but something along the lines of making fun of her, I guess...)

And on another note completely (this is the "plus"), I've been looking for a hanging fruit basket for AGES! I want to screw them into the ceiling above the divider between our dining room and kitchen because we always lose track of the fruit and vegies in our fridge and they end up going bad. It's very weird, nobody has them. Seriously, what a funny thing to not be able to find - they are under $15 in the US.

Hear, Hear

The Idle Parent: Don't take your kids to amusement parks or museums.

Although we are planning one day in Disney when we go back to the US in Nov....

I also seem to find it mind-numbingly impossible to sit on the floor and cut up little bits of paper with Eden, or draw endless butterflies with ears.

And you know? She's refreshingly resourceful and independent.

Bees in my Tummy

This morning, Ben went off to work as usual. Eden went off to gan - in Kaiser, another neighborhood that has a branch of her gan. Its not really gan today, since gan is closed, but the afternoon program is open so that parents can go back to work.
Eden was worried that none of her friends were going to be there, and that she would have no one to play with. Good for her for expressing it, although this is maybe the 3rd or 4th time in her life that she's been nervous about going to gan. I asked her if she had butterflies in her tummy, and she said no, bees. - ? - . She even tried to do what Winnie the Pooh does, and blow them out, but it didn't work. In the end, her friends were there and her afternoon teacher was there, and she was OK, although hesitant in a new place. You know, even though I'm sure that she will be fine, I'm nervous for her too - I think just because she's nervous. I'm really feeling what she's feeling.

I have a funny day today also. I have a mandatory vacation day, which is great, since its a day on my own, without Eden. I can completely transfer back to chametz, catch up on laundry and housework, and still have time to relax. But I feel funny, with no one to speak to and nothing really fun to do. (Switching over a kitchen and doing laundry is NOT fun. Going shopping for things that I really don't need would be fun, but it would also involve spending money. How do people spend time by themselves for extending days at a time without spending more money?!) I find myself speaking out loud... to nobody. I suppose its a good thing I have a blog.

So I'm putting off switching over. For example, I'm going to go out and buy some good storage containers to keep the Pesach things in, since our Pesach organization isn't that great. And while I'm there, I may as well do the weeks grocery shopping, which requires me to look up recipes and make menu lists before I leave. Ah and also, I have to start to take lunch to work. I can do some research about that before I leave. How do you plan dinners as well as lunches? And also get some laundry in. At this rate, I'll be lucky if the Pesach things are all put away by the end of the day......

Edit - 1:39 PM. Pesach things are all put away (did not buy the containers in the end, they are too expensive and we really don't need them), but its such a drag to take the chametz things out again and reorganize. I think I'll make a chicken pot pie with left over soup and a coffee cake instead.

And some more thoughts on the lines of the above: My goal during maternity leave is not to spend more money than I would have if I was driving to work every day. I can see myself either going to get very fat by baking things like above coffee cake, or spend a lot of money going out for breakfast with friends who are also on maternity leave. Or spend a lot of money going out by myself with the baby, and spending the money on gas that I was supposed to be saving by not going to work. And all at once. So, it would be nice to even come out ahead, but I think planning on at least breaking even is more realistic.

Emotional Growth Spurts

I don't know, maybe spending a day at home with your kid makes you more aware of how grown up they are. Or maybe, they really did take a recent jump in EI. I'll never know.
In any case. A list of the adorable and interesting things Eden's done recently, particularly today, since I spent the day with her. This is what being a mom is about, being able to blab (related to blog?) about it.

• Yesterday I had told her about how we were going to clean the fridge and the cabinets today, and then go grocery shopping for Pesach. Eden was really excited about it, and couldn't wait to dig in. This morning, when I started to clean the fridge, I said - Ok, Eden, let's go! And Eden said, No, Mommy, you gonna clean the fridge. I'm making the list. A manager after my own heart.
• On Friday, Eden made a Waldorf salad with Ben's mom, and had a bunch of apples and nuts. Friday afternoon, she came down with a throat infection and threw up in the car - all those apples and nuts. Today, as we were driving in the car, I suppose Eden felt a little sick again, and she said, Mommy, my apples are coming up. It took a minute for us to understand what she meant - she hadn't had any apples today - her first euphemism! We are all going to use it from now on. A few months ago, I had apples coming constantly...lots of apples coming up.
• We went out to dinner tonight at the new sushi place in Modiin Center. There are some kiddy rides there for 2 shekels. Eden wanted to go on one of the rides, but saw that we were busy. I'll give her the benefit of the doubt, and say that she didn't want to bother us. Because all of a sudden, I find her rooting around in my purse! When I asked her what she was looking for, she said, I'm looking for kesef (money). Do you have any kesef for the rides? She would have just taken it! I'm sure it was innocent, but I think a talk about money and stealing is coming up soon....
  

I was REALLY impressed with her in the grocery store. True, we didn't get much of our list because she lost the stamina. But listen to this.

• Grocery story #1 We went to get toothbrushes and they were all out of kids toothbrushes except for a bratz toothbrush. And this is the first time I had to say no because I felt something that she wanted was inappropriate. But I'm not brushing my kids teeth with an effigy of a slut that my kid thinks is pretty. Sorry. So we went back and forth a few times, and then Eden said, Ok Mommy so what I'm gonna get that you like instead. And we picked up a fun looking toothpaste. And then later on in checkout, I noticed that the toothpaste wasn't kosher for pesach and I told Eden and she was pretty worried about what we were going to get instead of her toothbrush. And I said, we will have to go to another store to get something else. And she said, OK, and that was it. (!!).
  
• Grocery story #2: Eden picked up a package of crunchy MSG and said that she wanted to snack on it in the store - OK, no problem. Then she saw the chocolate puddings and said, But Mommy why we never get those yogurts? Those yogurts are so very very yummy! So I said she could get a puddding, but she couldn't eat it until she got home, whereas the snack bag she could have now. Still she chose the yogurt, and watched over it in the cart for the rest of the day. She watched it at the checkout counter. Often reminded me, saying, Mommy right you said as soon as we get home I can have my yogurt? Right you said? Right I said, and she was so patient, and so good, that I decided to sit down at the snack area and let her eat it there.

And the tip top this-is-my-great-kid-story....

• We wrote up the grocery list all day, as we went along. I kept thinking of some more things to get, specifically for Eden - a new toothbrush (oh well...) and toothpaste, a new cup for her bed, popsicles or ice cream, a snack for the trip. And as I added more things to the list, she said, Mommy! We gonna buy so many things for me today! You're such a good mommy, you buy me so many things! I'll ignore the materialism in that sentence and just take what I can get.
  

Throat Infections May Prevent PPCD

The good news is that I most decidedly do not have PPCD (Pre-Pesach Cleaning Disorder) this year. Perhaps due to the pregnancy, or a throat infection, or Eden's throat infection, or nutty work schedule, my recent pre-disposition to laziness, or a combination of all of these.
I have never done this little for Pesach.
Actually, I have never done this little for so long a period in general.
We aren't making seder, and haven't even been asked to bring anything, except our beautiful daughter who will hopefully grace us with a decent Mah Nishtana, or at least part of it (time is running out, and she still doesn't know it! Does that make me a terribleJewish mom?). We gave the house a good clean a few weeks ago when my parents were here. The apartment is small, and what you see is mostly what you get. I'm not rifling through the pockets in my non-preg jeans to find chametz in there, nor am I looking through old clothes of Eden's - they are all packed away. Any chametz sitting in any of other place that I haven't looked at in a year (since last Pesach cleaning!) is either inedible or will be declared ownerless and as dust in the wind.
We still have the kitchen left to do. But even that - I am emptying out 2 tall floor to ceiling cabinets, and everything, including dishes and food, can go in there. Counters, sinks, stoves, fridge, are all bleachable. Oven, microwave - nuke it with poisonous cleaner and turn it on high. Kill it and its not chametz, and more than that I don't care.
Everything else is being shut up, sold, and not cleaned. I'm not buying much more than I would for a regular week - even less, since I love Matzah and jelly so much. I haven't cooked much in the past 5 months, and I don't expect to start now.
If I had thought about it, I would have tried to buy less chametz, starting even before Purim. I resolve to try to do so next year - that would make me feel less guilty about doing so little. I do so hate to throw good food in the garbage, and we have orzo, barley, kusemet, french fries....
People will try to tell you that there is a spiritual side to Pesach cleaning. That getting rid of the chametz in your house also enables you to get rid of the chametz in your soul. I suppose this is true, but is it maybe easier to look for the chametz in your soul when you aren't worn out and sick of cleaning your house? This is just a theoretical question, I do not commit to spending hours soul searching this month. I'll just try the usual - let's be a nicer, better, more caring and understanding person this month than I was last month. Maybe I'll even count Omer and get through the whole thing.
Don't think that I don't feel guilty for this. We aren't driving ourselves up the wall cleaning. We aren't planning a seder until 3 AM. We live in Israel and can buy everything we need the morning of the holiday at the local grocery store - especially since we eat Kitniot! We didn't spend a ridiculous amount of money on new clothes, cleaning services, and are not planning on buying kosher for pesach, kitniot free, gebrochts free MacNCheese. We are both working over chol hamoed, saving our vacation days. We just aren't stressing.
So what do we do? Sit back, enjoy the spring holiday, enjoy the seder discussion, the prayers, and time with family. Hopefully we'll take a little day trip with Eden (anyone want to join?). Being happy, content, mellow (sounds like my MIL's description of retirement. I suppose I could be happy retiring, for a week or so.) Sit still and try to feel my baby kick.
I do feel the need to justify and defend myself. Generations of Pesach nuttiness is too ground into me. How many generations will it take to introduce calm and serenity into Judaism?

You Know Your'e a Parent When . . .

....you are up in the middle of the night and microwave a potato and boil an egg for your kid's mock seder the next day.
Kudos to Ben - I had completely forgotten. Isn't that the type of thing a mom is supposed to do? I was fast asleep.

Eden has been singing "Vehi Sheamda" for a week now, and is really excited. Now if only I could get her to sing the "Ma Nishtana" the whole way through.

Head Over to Baby Things I Want

I want a lot of things. First and foremost, this baby.
But a lot of other things too. Things that cost money (not that this baby is free......). And I like to talk about them.
So, if you want to hear me talk even more about things that I want to buy, don't want to buy, think that perhaps someday I might want to buy, related to kids and babys, head over to http://www.babythingsiwant.com/, where I'm the newest author!

Long, Lazy Friday

It was a long Friday. We changed the clocks last night and woke up an hour late. We had a short shopping and cooking. Somehow, the house got cleaned and the laundry done, and its now 5:00 and I still have 1.5 hours to go. I DO feel like I've done nothing all day, except browse online and laze around. I am fully in denial about Pesach, and have not done a stitch of cleaning. I did make a preliminary list, so I suppose I'm not totally guilty.
Ben cooked, hooray for Ben!
What I did do today is start another list - a baby list. Not as nice or fancy as Sarah's list, I don't really want to set up another blog, and I do want my own list. Maybe I'll write a few blog posts for hers, just for the fun of it.
We don't want to buy much new for this baby - don't really see the need. However, I would like to right some wrongs we did with Eden. When Eden was born, we basically made a list of the things we needed, and made do with the cheapest and easiest to find, which wasn't always the most ideal.
This time around I'd like:

• A co-sleeper (hard to find to fit our lower Israeli beds, and NOT cheap, for just a few weeks use until we move her to the crib)
• A new swing - smaller, portable, nice looking, BETTER.
• A changing table - possibly. We have a desk-converted to changing table in Eden's room. Eventually, she can use it for a desk. In the meantime, its a staple of her room, and I don't want to take it away. At the same time, we are planning on building a 5 door closet in the baby's room, and I don't feel the need for another dresser in there. All I want is a changing table. Does it exist in Israel? Maybe we will have someone build it for us.
• A baby bath - we gave ours away. Ideally perhaps, we'd find one that can fit into the sink.
• A new baby carrier - am thinking about the big cloth ones, I didn't like it last time because it was too hot. This baby will be born in Sept, and I'll have the entire winter, where I'd rather be warm.
• Not to mention new nursing bras, a new nursing pillow. The pillow I'm sure I can get here - the bras? There is no way I'm getting into the plastic cages they sell here. Hey, while I'm on the topic, maybe a glider? I think that may be a bit off the budget....

I'll add more another time. I suppose I'll go get ready for Shabbat now.

Quick, Safe, and Easy

Is that a pipe dream? For birth I mean. Well for anything really, I suppose nothing is really quick, safe, and easy, unless its a cup of water or something. And even that lately...
So here comes a pregnancy gripe.
It really gets on my nerves when women press other women to use their childbirth experiences as a path to a heightened spiritual state. Meaning, I don't care what you do in your own life, do what's best for you. But don't pretend to think that it's also best for me.
I'm a cynic. And a skeptic. I don't do yoga, meditation, or hypnosis. Amazingly, I actually can deal with pain somehow rather stoically anyway. But that doesn't mean that I like to, nor is birth an opportunity for me to express that part of myself. Birth is how a child is born. That's it.
This all stems from a discussion I had with a doula the other day. I'm on the lookout for doulas. (And names by the way. I see girls names everywhere. Often, I say - ooh that's the one. And then later, nothing.) And I spent almost an hour on the phone the other day with a doula, who, aside from the fact that she would just not stop talking, seemed pretty decent. In fact, I was really pretty impressed with what she offered and really would call her back except for one thing. She basically said that I must be totally and completely committed to having a medication free birth, or that the hospitals here would just send me for another emergency C-section (I'm hoping for a VBAC). It seemed pretty extreme, but she said the risks of a uterine rupture are high enough to make medication pretty much not a good idea. I came out of the conversation thinking that really the decision was between planning a C-section and carrying a med-free birth through to the end.
And I'm just not sure I'm that committed. I don't really care about it, philosophicaly. It's not going to do anything for me. I don't think that non-medicated a "better" way to go, although it has its good points, and has been proven safer in the long run. But, from what I understood, if I wasn't full on about it, better off with a planned C.
So I started reading up on planned Cs. I read up on how they do it at Laniado Hospital in Netanya (hebrew, IE only, sorry), and that sounds pretty darn good to me. Quick, safe, easy. True, there are risks in later pregnancies, but women can have many many C-sections, especially here in Israel. Besides, do I really want so many kids that it would be a problem? There are of course other complications, internal scarring, etc. But our doctors are good enough, aren't they?
All in all, sounds a whole lot better than a non-medicated birth. And certainly a whole lot better than a trial of labor and another emergency C-section. All that trauma, for both me and baby. And it could be so easy.
So Ben thought that what this doula had told me was a load of bunk, and that surely I could have an epidural for a VBAC also. Apparently they do it in the rest of the world, why not here. I asked a friend of mine who I thought might know, and she seemed to think it was bunk too. I have yet to really verify it with a professional, but it just gets to me. Why would she say something like that if it just wasn't true? She must really, really, really believe that medication in a VBAC is dangerous. Ben later expressed just what I was feeling, that some people - and so many of them doulas, lactation consultants, childbirth class instructors, etc - are so ungrounded and in the clouds about this stuff that they don't present the facts right. We had that same experience with the woman we took our course from before Eden was born. She presented things as such FACTS, about birth, nursing, pacifiers, and just everything having to do with newborns. And I realized after Eden was born was that there really are no facts. Each baby does its own thing. And each mother does her own thing. And each family has to adjust and do what is right for them.
So, bottom line here. I'm looking to have VBAC, because it is safer, because its supposed to be easier in many ways, and because its supposed to be easier to nurse afterward. (And the nursing is a priority for me, not because of any superior holy feelings. In fact, I decidedly do not like feeling like a cow. But it is good for the baby, and its easy on the wallet if it goes right, so it would be nice if it did this time.) And I'm looking to pay someone to help me through that VBAC. But I'm not looking for a quack whose going to get on my nerves the entire time with her 'oh how holy is this birth' bit going on that so many of them have. Just get it done.
Recommendations and advice welcome.

For the record - I know I'm exaggerating a bit. Its hard to really express how I'm feeling about this, so I'm overcompensating. I know that they aren't all really that terrible, and many are really very down-to-earth.

Related Posts - Cloth Diapering 101. This I can relate to. And not for the environment.

A Peek Inside

We had our skirat mukdemet last week - the early advanced U/S scan that Maccabi gives us in week 15 or 16. My own dr does an U/S every month, but the resolution is not very high, and he really only uses it to check the heartbeat and movement. Last week, we found out that
a) Its a girl! Hooray for Eden's little sister!
b) Both sides of her brain are exactly symetrical (thank God!)
c) That she has all the limbs and organs she is supposed to have (thank God again!)
and
d) There is an amniotic sheet keeping her company.

Truth is, I went back to my dr yesterday for a monthly follow up, and he couldn't find the sheet. He said it may have disapeared already, or fused to the wall. Either way he wasn't worried about it, and gave me a referral for another advanced U/S at week 21 :). I thought that usually they do a second one at week 24 or 26, so I'm not sure if this is just an early one or actually an additional one! Wouldn't that be fun!

Anyway, but for the week that it was still there, it got me thinking. I mean, it wasn't doing her any harm, as long as her arms and legs didn't get caught up in it. And it meant that she had slightly less room to move around, which might explain for how huge I am already. But you know, maybe she liked it there. Kind of like her first blanky. What if she went through the whole pregancy with it? Would it be traumatic to leave it behind? (In addition to the regular trauma of birth). What if it broke in say, the 7th month? She might have grown to like it, have missed it, and actually gotten over it by the time she was born. She would have known loss, and overcome that loss, even before she entered our world. What an idea! How would that affect her?

I already have a gut feeling that she is very different than Eden. Eden is so - personable. Outgoing. Charming, friendly. She doesn't sit still, she's a doer. I already feel that this baby is quieter. Less rambunctious, maybe more shy. At this point when I was pregnant with Eden, we had an ultrasound that showed her jumping - I don't know that she's stopped since. Our scans with this baby have shown her chilling. She waved at us last week, but that was about it - only one hand moved. She's bothered me a bit with morning sickness, but not as badly as Eden did. She seems to be just less - in your face. I wonder if thats true. If so, we have something completely unknown coming to us. I mean we would anyway, but this all just gets me thinking about it more. How wonderful and interesting - I can't wait!

Reruns Have Become Our History

A quick flashback to the Goo Goo Dolls, a fav band of mine in high school (and still! I love it when I find them on the radio!)

If you know the song, you'll know what it has to do with this post.

Sometimes things come around in my head again and again. I honestly don't remember if I've actually posted about this before, or if I'm doing so now for the first time. I also am too lazy to go look.

I think every generation of parents thinks that their kids grow up too fast. I think parents have been thinking that their kids have grown up too fast for millennium. That this decade's technology will be the ruin of the next generation. This is nothing new, and every parent of a teenager that I know thinks this way.

Granted, I am not a mother of a teenager. And maybe I'm too young and my own teenage memories are still fresh in my mind. But I totally disagree. I think kids don't grow up fast enough.

Yes, they are exposed to more and more information at a younger age, but that doesn't mean growing up (and I don't think its going to ruin them). The smart ones will adjust. The stupid ones will do what stupid ones have always done - continue being stupid despite their parents best efforts). Kids take too long to become independent and responsible. They grow up not knowing how to make concrete decisions, and are still afraid of commitment well into their 30's, leaving their best years for reproduction behind. They don't use their minds, are too lazy to solve life's puzzles, and aren't interested in doing so. They aren't respectful, nor are they respectable. I don't really care how many piercings kids have, and it doesn't matter to me what they look like. I want them to be decent people, able to support themselves, take an interest in supporting the next generation. Be interested in growth, life. Flourish.

I am of course generalizing. I'm talking about the kids who I steer Eden away from in the park. The kid who was sitting on the hood of my car one day smoking when I came out of the store.

Honestly, I think these kids are bored. They are bored with school, and bored with their parents and bored with their life. They are waiting to grow up and be a person, but will not know what to do when they get there, nor will they recognize that they've gotten there. Perhaps they may never get there. You have to GO somewhere to get there, if you sit on the corner smoking all afternoon after school, you don't look like you are going much of anywhere.

I'm aware that I'm ranting a bit. I have no hard and fast proofs or examples. Just a general feeling and a slight annoyance at people who want to keep their kids young. I personally, cannot wait for Eden to grow up. She's so interesting, and only four! What a fascinating person she's going to be at 14 and 24! I love that she is independent, and I hope she continues to be so. I love that she knows her own mind, and that you can argue a point logically with her. I love that she can disagree and still understand that she doesn't always get her way. And accept it. That's what grownups do, actually. Growing up too fast doesn't mean too much internet, it would mean too much disappointment. And I think that most kids who seem to be growing up too fast are only disappointed that they have to wait so long.

Early to Bed, Early to Rise, Makes a Person

Very Cranky in the Evenings.

Eden has started getting up earlier. This means that:

a) Ben and Eden have more time in the morning to get ready. Hooray! Makes for a happier Ben later in the day.

b) Eden sometimes is awake when I leave for work. Which means that I don't leave for work as expeditiously as I would otherwise... usually I'm giving her hugs for 10 minutes. (GUILT TRIP HERE: When I picked Eden up on Thursday she said to me, out of the blue, "Mommy, I love you so so much."I said, "Oh honey, I love you too!" And Eden said, "So why all the time you go to work. I want you." Can't get more heartbreaking than that. I must remember that I love my job. And that it provides for this little heart breaker.)

c) Eden gets tired earlier. Her official bed-time is 7:30. But if we wait much past 7:10 to get her teeth brushed and into pjs, she is "so so tired. I cannot brush my teeth. I am so so tired." And she's often too tired to eat a proper dinner, so she's hungry also. Never mind visiting with friends. I say we are too tired for that. All this makes for some difficult late afternoons and evenings.

d) Eden gets up earlier on weekends also. The sun shining this weekend did not help. Apparently it was "morning time!" at 10 to 6 AM.

Maybe some day it will do her good. I can only hope that it instills what Ben Franklin said it would. Right now, its only making for a very unhappy four-year old.

Some happy news: Eden gave the baby a hug tonight. Sort of, she was a bit disappointed that all she got to see was my tummy. But she sang a song and said, "I'm Eden, I'm your big sister. And I love you so much, little baby." Also heartbreaking, but in a good way.

And she can spread peanut butter by herself! I was astonished at that, what a big girl. Next, she'll be making her sandwiches by herself. One more point for Ben :)

Gems to Share and Remember

We had a really great weekend.

Starting off with Eden's birthday party at gan (no need to post pics here if I can link to facebook), followed by a really enjoyable shabbat with Ben's family, including our new niece Hila. The party was wonderfully un-pagan, unlike last years where all the little 3-year olds worshiped the cake god and the birthday goddess granted favors to techno music and black light. I guess that doesn't exactly happen in a Shas gan. Also, it was nice that they do it in pairs, and we had our birthday party with Eden's friend Talia. Talia's mom is one of those wonderful people who has everything planned and worked out perfectly way in advance, and volunteered to buy everything. All I did for the party at all was contribute 1/2 the expense. (I used to think I was a mom like that, but have since grown to know better.)

Some sweet, short, and funny Eden-isms:

• When we did the Mommy-Eden birthday dance at gan together, and Eden presented me with a big red heart, Eden had an urgent secret for me. She whispered in my ear, "I love you, Mommy" (!!).

• There is a man in our neighborhood with a big bushy beard and a big head of white hair. We sometimes see him walking with his dog. Ben has told Eden alternately that it is Eliyahu Hanavi, or the Old Man of the Mountain. Thursday afternoon, we saw him on the way home from the park, and Eden of course called out and pointed, "Look Mommy! Its Eliyahu Hanavi! And his dog!"

• We spent the entire day yesterday at Ben's parents. Our fuse blew, and there was nothing we could do on Shabbat. I'm not going to go into the details because it only contributed to the day in that we had no heat and decided that it would be more fun to stay there for the entire day. Which it was. When we got home at the end of the very very very long day, we sat down to read Super Completely and Totally the Messiest, by Judith Viorst. (Hint: We LOVE Judith Viorst.) I told Eden what a big girl she had been, how great she had been with Hila, and how proud of her I was. Her brow was furrowed, and I asked her what was on her mind. She said she was thinking of Mommy and Daddy, and how we totally and completely and "all de time" love her very much. That was just the best end to the day. I love her little Sabra accented "all de time".

• When my friend asked Eden whether she thought the baby was a boy or a girl, she said its a girl. My friend said, "Really, you think so?" And Eden said, "I don't think. It's a girl." Is she psychic? Clairvoyant? We'll find out in just a couple weeks when we have a big ultrasound scan. I'll probably leak it here. Stay tuned.

• Eden can now put her hair in a ponytail all by herself! And clips in the side to keep her grown out bangs back. I am truly amazed.
  

I notice that the spellchecker caught facebook. I wonder when they will get with the program?

Next Generation Blogging

I don't know what it is lately, but I can't think of anything really solid to blog about. My thought processes are rarely very focused, except when working. Or even then, it mostly flits between -

ouch, leg fell asleep! - Hungry, must eat. - Strange smell, wonder where that is coming from. - What's new on Facebook? - Ahhh new email. Must deal with it. - Ahhh phone call, must answer. - How can I get rid of the extra furniture we have? - Can we build new closets? What would the ideal closet look like? What about the ideal linen closet? - I really really really would like some ice cream right now. - Yuck, I think that would make me sick. - HTH am I really going to finish this before I go home? - MUST FINISH! MUST FOCUS.

And then my leg falls alseep again. Hazard of being short legged and pregnant.

They say the recession hasn't yet hit us, and that we have about 6 months until D-Day. Great, just in time for me. Can a socialist govt bail on maternity leave?

I'll leave it at that for now. Maybe I'll wake up next month.

Announcement

I've decided that I like one-word titles. If I can summarize everything that I want to say into one word as a title, I am a happy woman.

So.

Many have guessed, and not said anything. Some don't know at all. Some have guessed, and have said something, as in the woman who asked me, "So, is there something there or does it just look like it?" Yes, there's something there.

I'm 12 weeks pregnant.

Whoo hoo!

Just came back from my 2nd drs appointment, where we got a great view of our baby on ultrasound. Everything looks good, thank Gd.

So if you don't already get it, the dearth of postings has been because I've been feeling like crap. It's started to taper off, but still I'm often in bed right after Eden. 4 PM and onward are not my best hours. You'll excuse me, I'm working on a baby here.

Be forewarned that this blog may start to contain more and more details about, ahem, some details that I feel the need to share. I'm aware that I may lose my male readership, especially those with larger families who hear enough about this stuff from their own wives, but I'm prepared to face that. I will attempt to keep it pretty clean, with not too much TMI. But forewarned is forearmed. I don't think I ever had much of a male readership to begin with. I mean, this blog never pretended to be about sports or cars. Just mommy and guilt.

Really, I'm just going to go on and on about how excited I am. And how cute my baby is, even if it is under 4 inches long. It has a really big head. And two arms! Isn't that a miracle! We saw one leg on the ultrasound, I'm assuming that it also has another one. Isn't that COOL??!?!

And the fun renovations we are planning in the baby's room. And Eden's reaction to the baby. Or baby to be. (We haven't told her yet.)

Pretty much, all baby centric. What fun! For people who like hearing about babies that is. With no end in sight.

Oh - another cool tidbit. There are 3 other women in my dept who are also pregnant. One is due in June, one in July, my boss is due mid August, and I am due Aug 31, which really means for me a Sept birth. I think. And THAT is really nuts.

Edit: Eden knows. Ben's mom picked her up today, and I know that she didn't say anything, but we were talking about the ultrasound, and the appointment and all, when Eden comes up to me, and says, "Mommy! You having a baby! Because your tummy is very very big!" And I said, "You know what? You're right!" And she just went nuts. She's so excited. She kind of did this thing that I probably felt like doing when we found out, but didn't because I'm all adult-like and concerned about risks, etc. She just started jumping and screaming and hugging and being so happy. So are we all.

Volunteerism

http://www.slate.com/id/2211412/

I'm going to rant a bit again. The world needs more do-gooders, that's for sure. We all need to be a little kinder, a little more giving, more caring about others.

On the other hand - is Slate kidding with this title? If the only time that you have to volunteer is between 4 and 6 AM, then you should not be volunteering. You should be spending that time on yourself.

Too many people don't take care of themselves enough. Pirkei Avot had it right (paraphrase): give first to your family, then to your community, then to your home town, then to other cities. I'll add, give to yourself first. Everyone else will be better off for it.

I think actually that too many people think about other people too much. Not enough people are thinking about themselves. No, really. Sometimes people give to other people because they don't really want to focus on themselves. They feel they aren't good enough, or don't want to spend too much time alone with themselves. Don't want to focus on their own issues, would rather help others. That's selfish also. Others will be better off if you spend time with yourself first.

That includes your spouse and children, and any one in your life directly. And then any one in their lives directly. And it spreads. The world can only benefit from some more happy marriages, some more healthy parent/child relationships. If you do wonderful volunteer work, but can't keep your marriage together (or your bankbook balanced!), you've got your priorities wrong.

I'll step down from said soap-box now.

Pizza and Ice Cream are Magic

Stay tuned, I'm still alive. Just a bit busy. Have been feeling under the weather, pressured at work with some new and frustrating projects, and best news of all a new niece!!! Not that I'm used to getting nieces in general, this is my first, and very exciting.

Her name is Hila Zehava after Bens (and her mom's) grandmother, who've I've learned a lot more about since Ben's parents have moved to the area. She's a little bundle of love who makes my heart melt to look at her. I didn't know I could love a child so much who isn't actually my own....I can't wait to watch her grow up along with our kids, who are so close in age. Really though I just can't wait to hold her again, and really really can't wait to see her smile. I think that my heart will just burst then.

Just for the record, I still love Eden best. In case it almost sounded otherwise. I am partial to newborns though.

With all the ups and downs of the past few weeks, we've discovered frozen convenience foods and dishwashers. I really feel middle class and bourgiouse now. Yes, we finally bit the bullet and bought a dishwasher. Don't ask whether we use it for dairy or meat, its a sensitive topic. We use it for dairy, if you are really wondering. Its really made a difference in our lives. Still no cleaning lady, having a hard time with that one.

That and the frozen pizza and chocolate ice cream. The chocolate ice cream especially has been a life saver. Did you know that Ben and Jerry's is cheaper than Haagen Dasz? And Eden eats the pizza!!! That enough is something to celebrate.

I HEART America

Can't help it. I'll always be an American, and will always tear up at a Presidential inauguration and the national anthem.
I really cried through the entire thing - I think Eden was a little weirded out. Oh well, she will learn that we cry at these things.
That lady poet wasn't much, they don't make great poets anymore I suppose. But that reverend - couldn't have asked for anything better.

Most of all, I was proud to watch a historical event for free on my computer with my dearest husband and three year old daughter. Who doesn't know yet how much the things that are happening now mean for her life.

Ben and Bethami's Musings

Sitting here tonight, not feeling too great, provides time for Ben and I to talk, as opposed to doing dishes, doing laundry, cleaning up, work. We read together, joke, read blogs and news over eachothers shoulders.
Our findings:

• There can be deep meaning in Douglas Adams. I knew this before, apparently its something new to Ben. Hooray for Gold spouses convinced! Hat tip to the other Gold in-law. Hamevin Yavin.
  

• One of the good things about our parenting is that we aren't really addicted to TV, we have Shabbat, and we have only one child. We have a lot of time to talk about our days, Eden's day, analyze, criticize, and improve. I don't know how people do it when they don't have Shabbat, watch extraordinary amounts of TV, or have 3 under 5. Since most people we know have one out of the three, and most people we know are also really great parents, I suppose that everyone must find a way to do it well.

• The picture on jpost of the soldier killed today in Gaza, St.- Sgt. Dvir Emanuelof is a really great one. He looks like a wonderful person and we are mourning his death tonight.

• We have two close friends waiting to give birth - my friend triLcat and Ben's sister. Those happy waitings mixed with the dreadful waiting coming from Gaza makes for some mighty waiting this month.

• Found a blog written by someone who says about themselves, "I am a hard-to-define Orthodox Jew." Haven't you just defined yourself now? Aren't you an Orthodox Jew? If that's not a label, I don't know what is. Bloggers are funny - don't we all over-analyze ourselves in our little bios?

What did you find the last time you sat with your SO/best friend?