Tisha B'Av Thoughts

Tisha B'av rolls around again. Hot, sticky, smack in the middle of the ancient war season, a temple was destroyed over 2000 years ago. Jews worldwide of different variations commemorate the destruction by mourning - as if they were mourning for a close relative just lost. There are many different traditions, but some of the most common are fasting, sitting on low chairs instead of regular sofas, reading the book of Eicha and many kinnot written over the centuries. Some kinnot speak about the destruction of the temple, many other speak about other Jewish destruction - there are no lack of them. We go through massacre after massacre, in ancient Judea, blood libels throughout the dark ages, Crusaders in medieval France, the Chelminiki pogroms, ending of course with our modern destructions in Auschwitz and Bergen Belsen. We read about so many other destructions that occurred on this same day - they are all the same.
I hate fasting. It angers me that we don't eat, that we don't permit ourselves to eat. I find that when I fast, I mostly mourn the pain in my stomach, and not the temple - it doesn't seem quite logical. I would much rather spend the day touring Yad Vashem, reading, listening to lectures, and generally invoking sadness in other ways. Unfortunately, we can't force these activities on all Jews worldwide throughout time, and so the most surefire way of keeping the tradition to remember is to invoke a fast.
I too fast, although it angers me, because I've chosen to be a part of a community that fasts when mourning such national tragedies. Also because its important to me to show an example of continuity, to show that these millennium-old destructions are meaningful to me. I show this for Eden, although she doesn't yet understand, and I show this for everyone else. Because if we stopped showing it, it would start to cease to be as meaningful. For better or for worse, our Jewish tragedies are one thing that has given our nation its life. Some Jews remain focused on these tragedies all year round, identifying with the victim hood that centuries have given us. Still others take that same victim hood and turn it into triumph, looking around at the wonderful life the last 60 years have given us. On Tisha B'av, these Jews look again at the tragedy to that they have something to compare the future too. Some are oblivious to both, forgetting both the tragedy and not identifying with the triumph - we lose these Jews, because they forget the past and are not really aware of the future.
As someone who steers away from extremes - some of my friends also call this "sitting on the fence" - I sometimes fall into this danger of getting lost myself. Which is why Tisha B'av is good - it brings me back to my history, and my future, my country, and people. I'd honestly prefer to do it a different way - munching my way through dry toast and water at least - but I understand why we don't, at least in this family.
Do I think the temple should be rebuilt? Will be rebuilt? Do I honestly think that we are going to return to an age of animal sacrifice and cultish abulations? And that all the dead will return to live forever in God's holy light? I think I prefer a more metaphorical view.... I hope for a time where all Jews might center on a peaceful coexistence and respect (let's start with eachother and then think about our neighbors!). In temple times, there were always many different views- look at a page of gemarah! There have always been 70 faces of the Torah, until we were dispersed and required to follow one Rav, and one Rav only, for fear of weakening communities already crippled by antisemitism. Perhaps sacrifices will be of pride and politics... can we do away with the power games that are played in community shuls, in local and national organizations, can we find a holy place between order, law, and structure, and respect, diversity, creativity? In my mind, it is not really the loss of the temple that we are mourning, but the loss of the ability to find that magic spot, the magic median - the place between the deadening of emotion and feeling, the dryness that tradition sometimes takes, and the new life and innovation that that sometimes threatens to leave those traditions and all our history behind in the dust.
These things were all lost before either of the temples were destroyed. There are very few times in our history where we have been privy to this center spot. We've had it on occasion, and have lost it again - Tisha B'av is a reminder that we should be looking for it.

Some interesting Tisha B'av reading:
http://www.peelapom.com/holidays/rethinking-tisha-bav/
http://www.israelinsider.com/views/articles/views_0090.htm
http://www.beliefnet.com/story/172/story_17248_1.html
One I go back and read every year: http://apikorsus.blogspot.com/search/label/Tisha%20B%27Av